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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
naomi2
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 Wed, Jan 24 2024, 4:29 pm
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Yes it's not tznius. He couldn't have known, so I don't judge him but definitely teach your child to always say "my mother is not available, can I take a message" we were taught to say this also when my mother was not at home for safety. Whoever is on the other end shouldn't know that an older sibling or babysitter is the one watching the child.
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AlwaysGrateful
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 5:05 pm
Hm, so just wondering...If you're at your il's house for Shabbos, do you not mention, in front of your fil/bil, that you are taking a shower next? (This is assuming that there are X number of people who need to take a shower before Shabbos, two can't be in at the same time, so everyone is keeping track of when the shower is available.)
Do you never say, in front of them, "I need the bathroom, can you keep an eye on my toddler for a minute?"
Because I do both of these all the time. Never thought of it as an issue.
Is it different because it's theoretically family? Or have I been socially inept when I've done that?
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Busybee5
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 5:05 pm
| naomi2 wrote: | | Yes it's not tznius. He couldn't have known, so I don't judge him but definitely teach your child to always say "my mother is not available, can I take a message" we were taught to say this also when my mother was not at home for safety. Whoever is on the other end shouldn't know that an older sibling or babysitter is the one watching the child. |
This. Same by us.
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amother
Buttercup
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 5:22 pm
| AlwaysGrateful wrote: | Hm, so just wondering...If you're at your il's house for Shabbos, do you not mention, in front of your fil/bil, that you are taking a shower next? (This is assuming that there are X number of people who need to take a shower before Shabbos, two can't be in at the same time, so everyone is keeping track of when the shower is available.)
Do you never say, in front of them, "I need the bathroom, can you keep an eye on my toddler for a minute?"
Because I do both of these all the time. Never thought of it as an issue.
Is it different because it's theoretically family? Or have I been socially inept when I've done that? |
No. I never tell fil or bil I’m going to take a shower or going to the bathroom.
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amother
Almond
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 5:28 pm
| AlwaysGrateful wrote: | Hm, so just wondering...If you're at your il's house for Shabbos, do you not mention, in front of your fil/bil, that you are taking a shower next? (This is assuming that there are X number of people who need to take a shower before Shabbos, two can't be in at the same time, so everyone is keeping track of when the shower is available.)
Do you never say, in front of them, "I need the bathroom, can you keep an eye on my toddler for a minute?"
Because I do both of these all the time. Never thought of it as an issue.
Is it different because it's theoretically family? Or have I been socially inept when I've done that? |
I was wondering the same 
Whoever doesn't mention it to men, which circles are you in??
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amother
Buttercup
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 6:14 pm
| amother Almond wrote: | I was wondering the same
Whoever doesn't mention it to men, which circles are you in?? |
Yeshivish
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zaq
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 6:48 pm
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Not rude, just inappropriate. It would be inappropriate to say this about anyone but of course worse for a woman. Train ds to say "s/he can't come to the phone right now" followed by "please call later" or "may I take a message" depending on ds writing skill and availability of writing materials.
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imaima
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Wed, Jan 24 2024, 6:51 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | My 7-year-old son said this to a man who called while I was in the shower. My kids know not to say that someone's in the bathroom, but do you think it's also inappropriate to tell a man that I'm in the shower? |
I wouldn’t feel good about it
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amother
Aquamarine
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Wed, Feb 14 2024, 5:22 am
| amother Almond wrote: | I was wondering the same
Whoever doesn't mention it to men, which circles are you in?? |
I would never tell fil/bil that I'm going to the toilet/to shower. It would be so uncomfortable! RWMO...
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amother
Cantaloupe
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Wed, Feb 14 2024, 7:25 am
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He didn’t do anything wrong because he’s only 7 but in general would explain that no one needs to know what I’m doing when I can’t come to the phone. Train your kids to say- my mother can’t come to the phone right now. Can she call you back?
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zaq
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Wed, Feb 14 2024, 1:52 pm
| AlwaysGrateful wrote: | Hm, so just wondering...If you're at your il's house for Shabbos, do you not mention, in front of your fil/bil, that you are taking a shower next? (This is assuming that there are X number of people who need to take a shower before Shabbos, two can't be in at the same time, so everyone is keeping track of when the shower is available.)
Do you never say, in front of them, "I need the bathroom, can you keep an eye on my toddler for a minute?"
Because I do both of these all the time. Never thought of it as an issue.
Is it different because it's theoretically family? Or have I been socially inept when I've done that? | Yes. Well. You have to know your customers. I've forgotten where, possibly England, the euphemism is "Where may I wash my hands?" In the US we have ladies' and men's rooms, or rest rooms, or powder rooms, or "whomsoevers" ( wave if you remember a popular dating restaurant that had whomsoevers), and even longer ago, a woman could ask "where may I powder my nose?"
So, attempting to be discreet, I once asked "where may I wash my hands?" and was promptly shown the slop sink in the janitor's closet.
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