Shopping with a teenage daughter

amother

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 11:17 pm

My daughter used to be the easiest to shop with.
Now, she became super un-sure. We've tried on probably a 100 dresses in the last few weeks and each time she stares at the mirror and is like, 'I'm not sure, is it too simple? too fancy? stylish enough? my type? is what all the girls will be wearing?'
She's 16 and she's my oldest.
I'm unsure if I should push her to buy something I think is gorgeous and she's unsure about.

I am really fed up of wearing myself every Sunday and evening with the shopping just to spend 2-3 hours trying on clothes and getting nowhere.

Can one of the more experienced teenage mom's here give me some advice please?

amother

Tulip

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 11:21 pm

Dont spend every week taking her shopping. Tell her you are only going to x store on x day and if she doesnt find something she wont get another chance. Then suddenly she's able to find stuff.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 11:22 pm

If I really think something is gorgeous on her, yes I push her to get it. I can usually tell from her initial reaction of looking in the mirror what she really thinks. Don't let the insecurity questions get to you.

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Feb 13 2024, 11:24 pm

Not a teenagers mom but I was a teenager not so long ago. I would point out what I like about her in the dress ex bring out the color of you eyes compliments your figure/skin tone etc. and what I like about the dress ex love the fabric/ print/ cut etc. I think it’ll help her decide because maybe she didn’t notice that but now that you mention it wow it really does compliment her skin tone…
Whatever you do DONT force her to buy anything it’ll just end in tears that she has nothing that she likes to wear

salt

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 5:31 am

Can she go with a friend or sibling?
My DD 17 does that sometimes. I trust she'll buy something tzanua enough, and I don't mind if she wears things that I don't like, we don't really have the same taste anyway.
I once sent my 2 DD's back with a leather-type skirt that I simply couldn't bear - but that was only once.

She has a friend who goes shopping herself or with a friend, and then when she finds stuff she likes, her mother comes to check it out - if you prefer that way.

But at least most of the shopping-time she does herself.

Or order tons of stuff from Shein, in the hope that something will be good, and return the rest.

Bnei Berak 10

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 7:37 am

As your DD indecisive in other matters too?
Shopping with success is an art. I would encourage her to connect with her gut feeling and inner voice. She probably has some colours and styles she prefers.
Try to get her shopping with a friend.

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 7:40 am

amother Tulip wrote:

Dont spend every week taking her shopping. Tell her you are only going to x store on x day and if she doesnt find something she wont get another chance. Then suddenly she's able to find stuff.

Please don't do this. It's normal to check out a few different stores before making a purchase. I went through too many years forced to buy whatever the store had in my size because my mother had this policy. People need to feel good about what they're wearing. I agree with limits, but this is too rigid.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 7:51 am

At that age they’re forming their own opinions but still seek reassurance. If you have a sense of style, you know if something looks good on HER and if it flatters HER, not what the latest trend is. And your goal is to teach her to trust herself and be able to make decisions on her own. Clothing is great for it because the ramifications of a “wrong” choice aren’t significant.

So- here are my rules: if she tries something on and seems to like it but yet seems unsure, and you think it looks great, encourage- don’t force though. And then when she wears it, compliment her choice- wow you were right, this really looks amazing
If she tries something on and doesn’t seem to like it, even if you think it looks great, don’t convince her and respect her opinion.
If she tries something on and seems to like it but you think it looks horrible- if it’s just design, I would let her get it so that she learns to respect her opinion, however if it’s unflattering then I would point out my hesitations and then leave the choice up to her.

Happy shopping!

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 9:22 am

What Seagreen says.
My girls know that for me it's all about the fit. When something fits well, even a simpler dress is transformed. I tell my DD - I think you should get this dress because the fit is gorgeous on you. And when she wears it, I compliment her on a great purchase.

amother

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 3:55 pm

amother Seagreen wrote:

thank you for this. very helpful.

amother

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 3:57 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Yes, she does have some ideas in mind before we shop, but once she tries them on her face gets this whole confused look and she is just so torn and looks at me helplessly.

regarding shopping with a friend, I wish! she claims all her friends shop with their mothers (at least in her immediate group) and the one that might be ok shopping with her has a 'totally diff taste than me'

at this point I don't think she knows what her taste is. its kind of a loss of clarity...I'll take some of the tips some of you posted and try this again next sunday....In other areas of life she's not indecisive and unsure. It's just this area.

zaq

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 4:12 pm

Why are you killing yourself to go clothes shopping so often? Do as Tulip said. I assume you're not shopping for a bridal gown and veil for a 16-year-old, but even if you were, yesh gvul.