S/O something accepted in society... nursing

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 12:46 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

This post comes over as judgemental.

What you are saying is that breast is ideal, and in an ideal world everyone would breastfeed.

Then you add that under some circumstances there are those who use formula, and that's ok.

But although you say it's not anyone elses business, you still claim breast is best.

What you don't seem to realise is that for some woman, formula is best, it's not a second choice.

I see that I will be going around in circles.

if someone is choosing to feel judged by me or anyone saying that are potentially more benefits to breastfeeding than formula feeding (in a GENERAL way - not in an individual way) then I apologize to that person.

just because formula is best for some women doesnt make it not a second choice, and it doesnt make it best in GENERAL. its the better choice for you individually not that formula is better for babies altogether.

I am not ashamed that I gave my babies formula. I made that choice because I felt it was good for me and my child at that time. I would not say that formula is the best options for babies period.

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 12:48 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

If I were to post that ideally every woman should have at least 6 kids.
I would be bombarded with criticism.
For good reason.
What about those who can't.
What about those who shouldn't.
Its hurtful and insensitive.

Its the same thing.

(Btw I don't have any opinion on women's reproduction. Im using it as an example)

its not the same thing at all!

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 12:55 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

I think you misunderstood the responses to the posts. People didn't object to the encouragement of nursing. What people objected was the insinuation (or rather direct statements) that people who choose formula don't have the understanding of the benefits of nursing.

IIRC the words were something along the lines 'I can bet that if mothers knew the benefits of nursing...' or others suggesting that mothers choose formula because of lack of knowledge.

That's what people were objecting to. FYI - most people have full awareness but their circumstances is what shapes their choices

Your post screams equally of tone deafness. You assume that people object to promoting nursing. Its nothing of that sort. What people object to is the passive denigration of the formula choice.

I do not think that if people were more educated they would make different choices.

I have literally given formula myself - and I am sitting here defending the benefits of nursing. so obviously that is not what I meant.

amother

Freesia

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 12:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

its not the same thing at all!

The point is that there are no ideals in anyone else's lives.
You do you and I'm entitled to zero opinions of your choices. If I have opinions I understand it's not my place to share them.

amother

Acacia

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 12:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

So what is your point in posting if not to educate? People have already said it's hurtful.

amother

Freesia

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn't assume it's from being uneducated. We all know what doctors and specialists have to say about BF vs formula, what we don't need it to be hit in the face with a random person's ideas about this.

People's lives and health aren't statistics. Making textbook statements without knowing everyone's stories doesn't really go over well.

amother

Seablue

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:01 pm

amother Lightblue wrote:

I didn’t read the other thread so I don’t know what context it was said in or how it came across, and I understand why it would be hurtful for someone to read who is not able to do it for their children for whatever reason. I think there are plenty of valid reasons why someone can’t breastfeed and that should not be judged.

That being said, I don’t think it’s wrong to state that it is healthier. I understand why you don’t like to think about it, but that doesn’t make it untrue. And I do think it’s important to stress how beneficial it is, because I personally know of more than a few mothers who give formula simply because they are too lazy to nurse or think it’s “gross” and don’t realize that it’s not on the same level.

I think it would be hard for someone struggling with IF to hear a PSA about pregnant women taking prenatal vitamins or regularly seeing their healthcare provider, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be said for the sake of those who need to hear it

Those are perfectly valid reasons not to nurse. If someone feels that it's too much effort or that they feel disgusting, they don't need a lecture from you about how much healthier it would be.

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

What is there to defend if no one is countering your claims? No one has discounted the benefits of nursing. Can you please bring reference where posters have done that?

Otherwise I don't get your position at all. What's the purpose of this thread then?

amother

Lightcyan

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

What do mean if someone CHOOSES to feel judged?

It seems you ARE judging so yes, people will feel judged.

You literally said that breast is best, but if someone uses formula then it's OK for her individual circumstance, but still not ideal.

Please explain how that is not judging?

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:54 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

it seemed to me that people on that thread and in many other threads jump on anyone who says that breastfeeding is extremely beneficial.

its like you are not allowed to say that something has benefits and may be ideal without automatically being an awful person who is judging others and knocking other people down.

amother

Lightcyan

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 1:55 pm

I think the mistake is people use the term 'choosing' when talking about how they feed their babies.

In actual fact many of us don't choose, we do the only thing we can which in my case was formula.

H-shem didn't provide me with enough milk to sustain my babies. The choice was not mine.

It's like asking someone 'why have you got strep, pneumonia, a headache....in an ideal world you should be healthy'.

H-shem sometimes gives us situations that are not what you think are optimal, we don't 'choose' them.

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:00 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

because saying that eating healthy and exercising is ideal for each person doesn't mean that I automatically shame/judge/hate/lookdownon/knock anyone who struggles with eating or weight.
it means, that I am stating facts.
I myself don't eat healthy the way I should or exercise the way I should.. I still acknowledge that there is a better way to live.
its not an exact example but the idea is the same...
Gd created a woman to be able to nurse for a reason. He designed it that it should be the perfect way to nourish a baby while helping mommy heal and create a bond. I dont know why saying that is judgmental.
for many woman (like myself) reality doesnt work out as nicely as the above.

I really really dont judge people for nursing or not!! if you knew me irl you would even be surprised that im on this side of the fence here.

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:01 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

I hear that. 100%

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:02 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

I thought people were denying this.

I apologize if I misread the other thread..

amother

Freesia

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

Because you're stating the obvious. Like I said, we all know what studies show. Never the less, some of us don't have that option for whichever reason, To repeatedly tell us how beneficial BF is is hurtful. Bringing in your personal feelings is out of place and judgmental.

amother

Acacia

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

But again, what is your point in writing this thread or these kind of points? The only possible result is hurting people.

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:07 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

But again, what is your point in writing this thread or these kind of points? The only possible result is hurting people.

if thats how its coming out now then I will end this thread right here.

amother

Lightcyan

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Let's say I meet a friend getting into her car to go to work. Her office is five minutes away and in opinion she could easily walk there.

Do you think it's acceptable for me to tell her about the benefits of walking and fresh air, and suggest that she walks rather then take the car?

amother

Freesia

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

You're missing the point here. It's OK to acknowledge all this for yourself and no one says you're wrong, your right!
it's just wrong to so strongly defend this among other people who then feel like they need to answer to you why they don't nurse.
Leave everyone to do their own speculations and acknowledgements.