It's very nice to say go to therapy

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:08 am

It's very nice to say go to therapy to learn to be a better parent. What if I've been going for more years then I care to mention (before I became a parent) and now I sometimes get out of control with my child (mostly at night when he comes out of bed one time too many) and right now at times I have no control over myself. I try my best and am a good mother most of the time apart from when I scream at him and hold him too tight for coming out of bed too often
So many parenting courses out there I have no idea which one to choose
Going to see a psychiatrist soon as well
My point is that therapy doesn't always fix things

amother

Seablue

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:12 am

Is something you specifically spoke about in therapy? Therapy isn't a magic fix for all one's problems, however it's about understanding oneself better and then hopefully able to make better choices.

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:14 am

amother Seablue wrote:

Is something you specifically spoke about in therapy? Therapy isn't a magic fix for all one's problems, however it's about understanding oneself better and then hopefully able to make better choices.

yes then it got better for a few weeks now I got out of control again

amother

Orange

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:17 am

amother OP wrote:

yes then it got better for a few weeks now I got out of control again

When you feel yourself getting out of control, don't touch your child or open your mouth. Go lock yourself in to your room for afew minutes & take a break. Calm down. However long it takes.
(And if your child see's that you're not available at the moment & that you're not engaging in a power struggle, he may just give up & go to bed on his own.)
Good luck!

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:25 am

Good for you OP for trying your best to help yourself. And you are 100% right that therapy doesn't just fix things and make all the problems go away.

My husband and I both have childhood trauma and we have been in therapy for years. Are we SOO healthy now because of all that therapy? No. Maybe more self-aware.... maybe. We also utilize meds to help ourselves too. We try to use as many tools as there are available to help ourselves but it's a lifetime of work.

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:38 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

Read “parenting from the inside out”. You might learn that you still need more therapy, and to focus in different areas than you’ve focused until now.

Thank you. I know I need more therapy but it's not helping right now to the extent I need. Will have a look at this

amother

Oatmeal

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 3:15 pm

You obviously are not hitting because you want to. It seems like your pained because your doing it and it's mostly happening when you need your breathing space at night? Give yourself more breathing space during the day if that's the case for starters.

I say continue what your doing in terms of whatever therapy, reading books etc. you are doing, but do yourself a favor and do Sod Hadam. It's a slow process. It will take time. You'll understand yourself and your child so much more. It's hard inner work but it's beautiful. Good Luck!!!!

I am doing the level two now and find the changes in my life are profound!

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:31 pm

I have to say that I am not hitting but to me it's just as bad and when I hurt him emotionally like that , screaming in uncontrolled way, it's like I'm hurting myself all over again.

I really am very warm and loving and try to stay patient, we had a whole beautiful bedtime routine, I was calm and patient but after the x amount of times, toilet, milk needed, then getting up to get a toy, and mistakenly thinking he was going to throw it at me, I just lost it and shrieked at him and picked him up and plonked him into bed harshly. I hate myself . I told myself a second before that I'm just going to ignore him if he decides to play around but something in me didn't allow me to.

I would love to know about Sod haadam, I've heard about it but how would it help me to regulate my emotions.

amother

Oatmeal

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

I somehow misread that you hit. Sorry!
I learned to understand myself and my needs and the reason why certain feeling keep comes up... I learned to accept the mistakes I make and still love myself... This is all answering your specific question. Maybe post a new thread to hear from others?
A lot of the deeper work is done in level two. This is level 1-https://sodhaadam.org/foundation/

amother

Obsidian

Wed, Feb 28 2024, 12:31 am

I think a big part of parenting is regulating ourselves, nothing to do with the kids. Getting enough sleep, finding a calm center within yourself, putting things in perspective. Anxiety medication can help. So can meditation, mindfulness, or hypnotherapy.

amother

Milk

Wed, Feb 28 2024, 12:48 am

Dr Becky has some really good workshops both for parenting AND for parents to work on themselves. Like IFS stuff.
Good inside

Or you can do some inner work.
Maybe try listening to Rena Reiser’s podcasts.
She does somatic works

Also, it sounds like you’re a great parent overall. Regulating emotions is hard and you are trying.