How much to pay caregiver in sticky situation?

amother

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 11:46 am

(Reposted from elder care forum so more people will see this. Also shortened.)

What is the protocol for payment when an elder care aide that you have used is not available and recommends someone she knows?

My 90-year-old mother, physically frail but mentally very sharp, lives with us.

When my mom is alone for more than a day, I need someone to look in on her and do light chores like taking out the garbage and restocking my mom's minifridge.

We need to be away from Thursday afternoon to Sunday evening of next week. In the past, I've tried agencies for my mom, but she hates having someone around for hours a day. (She doesn't like most people and is a bit of an intellectual snob.)

My mother needs maybe 1 hour of help a day, I found an aide that my mother tolerates. I pay this aide $60 an hour for 2 hours of help a day, just in case. I pay a lot to make up for short job duration. I usually round up a bit. I offered her $400 for the three days.

However, this aide is now abroad. She recommended her sister-in-law instead. The sister-in-law wrote to ask me how much I would pay. My question is whether I should offer her the same $400 that I offered to the aide we know. Truly, I don't know how good this woman will be. Also, the original aide might be insulted that the one who is just starting gets the same amount that she would be getting.

What do you think? Should I offer her $50 an hour, for $300 total? $360? Or the rounded up $400?

It's not so much the difference in cash as much as figuring out what protocol is here. Thank you!

amother

Salmon

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 11:58 am

My father had a 24/7 caretaker who was wonderful.

It seems like you also have a great caretaker.

Under the circumstances, I would pay the substitute what you pay permanent woman.

Why not as she knows what you pay and there isn't any objective reason to pay her less.

If she isn't good, that is another issue. You say your mother is "sharp" which means that she would be able to tell you if something was off.

Occasionally my father's caretaker would need to be someplace and thankfully he was responsible and always found a substitute.

You should be thankful that your permanent woman is making it easy for you by supplying a substitute and chances are that she will be as good. Plus she can talk with her sister in law.

amother

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 2:51 pm

Thanks. I told her that this is what I will pay. Hopefully this will work out.

I would not say that the original caregiver is wonderful. (She has yelled at my mother for bathroom accidents, and that is not good. I think we've ironed that out, though.) But she is responsible and knows what to do and I feel that she would notice if my mother needed extra care. And my mother tolerates her. My mother is a tough cookie, so that's as good as it gets. I am happy to have her, and I hope her sister-in-law is as good.