When one kid ruins the whole tone of the class

amother

Wine

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:24 pm

My son in second grade has a very challenging classmate. The rebbe told me he has to treat the entire class differently because of a certain kid, and I know this is the kid he’s referring to. My son definitely has difficult moments due to this boy and I try to use it as an opportunity to build my own kid’s social skills and resilience. Other than that, there is not much to do except thank Hashem that it’s not your kid disrupting the class.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 3:26 pm

The class/school should do a good anti-bullying program with a competent person, to protect both the girl who is different (and might be bullied by everyone who is "equal") and those who feel victimized by her.

amother

Dandelion

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 5:44 pm

Is this girl physically aggressive with the girls? Does she use abusive language, taunts, insults? Or is she always trying to take over? What happens when the girls refuse to let her and tell her to wait in line with the others?

There us a difficult balance when a child is acting problematically toward the others but doesn't know how to be different. There was a girl in my dd's class who had a different problem and would say disturbing things to her and constantly follow her around, along with any other girl who was not outright mean to her. The girl was in therapy, and they had to give the whole class training to avoid having them all just insult hwr to get her to leave then alone. It was rough for everyone, including the girl and her parents.

But if she is being actively problematic directly toward them, that has to be managed differently.

Cheiny

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 8:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

This kid is not a typical bully. She is just very agressive and happens to be articulate beyond her years. If the class is doing a class activity she will alwasy try to take charge and be the boss. She is always trying to arrange things but in an overly aggressive way. She can't be part of a team. She always needs to be the leader. If kids are playing a nice game of ball they don't want her to join because

she will then try to take over the game. She needs to learn how to be a team player.

How exactly do you know all these daily details? From your 3rd grader dd?

TwinsMommy

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 11:30 pm

I have a kid like this (he's a boy and now 17) ---- extremely aggressive, lacking social skills. TRUST ME---- the parents are aware of the problem, it's not just apple/tree (great parents can have complicated kids and vice versa----- my parents were REALLLLLY complicated and I was a pretty docile kid without issues).

Best thing I did in elementary school (before he got kicked out of the school-- lol) was volunteer in his class. The kids would ask questions respectfully. "why does he scream? why doesn't he want to play with us? " etc. I could gently explain that just as you have trouble with math and you have trouble tying your shoes, he has trouble with social skills and regulating his emotions. Explaining to your daughter that EVERYONE has things they're great at and things with which they struggle can help her feel more of an affinity towards this child who should NEVER be called a bad apple. Maybe ask her if this classmate is good at art or music or math or..... etc. She doesn't have to like or befriend her classmate but she does have to show her respect and tolerance and shrug off the annoying behaviors with help from the teacher.