Go hear megillah with your kids if you have to!!

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:17 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Small community? Baalei tshuva? Geirim? Just moved and doesn’t know neighbors? Pioneers and moved to a new area where there are no neighbors? Had a family emergency? Doesn’t want non jewish babysitter and yiddishe ones are not available ?
Come on, enough is enough. I will be the first one to say that kids should not come for megilla or shofar if they cannot be quiet. But I am also very much aware that there are circumstances which they might have to. So they should be ready to leave and we should be more understanding and perhaps help them. I have had lollies and books in my bag and had children ( not mine) sit near me and I helped the mom and the kids kept quiet.

I still think a shayla should be asked. Which is the best halachic option? We can't say for sure either way, so it's important to ask. Aside from which, if these questions are brought to rabbanim (especially in smaller community with less options) it will make them aware of the need to have more options, whether it’s hiring a babysitter at the shul during the reading and/or having more readings at different times.

amother

Clover

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:18 pm

It is an issue. I think part of the issue is that the children learn about it in school. I want to hear it. The other issue is that some people really have nobody to babysit. Maybe it should be in communities where there are two readings that some teenagers stay for the second reading and watch any children that come that might be disruptive.

In my family, my father lains for us. My two little sisters went to megilla at 7 AM so they can watch the kids for us while my father lained. Maybe communities should try to set that up so nobody needs to miss megilla and there's no problem with noise ....

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:24 pm

amother Clover wrote:

I think this needs to be brought to the attention of the shul rav. Just like shuls will hire babysitters for RH and sometimes YK, they can do so for megillah readings.
The shul that I go to has a special reading for kids. However there is also one that is officially for adults and younger children are not allowed (this is from the rav. I guess there were issues in the past with noisy kids, and this is what he decided must be done).

amother

Offwhite

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:31 pm

amother Clover wrote:

Yes, school is a big problem. They really shouldn't give young kids the idea that they should be in shul. My 5 YO was VERY offended when I told her that she's not going to megila and that she's too little. I felt bad for her especially because she's the type of kid that likely would manage to sit through it.

But there is still the needless risk that she'd disturb plus just for HER it's so unpleasant. She can't read so following along isn't an option. I guess Haman is fun, but why am I taking her to have to sit and be quiet for a good 45 minutes? She could be at home playing or coloring.

amother

Offwhite

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:35 pm

Also, don't throw tomatoes... but I also think that women who have a hard time following and hearing every word with kids should pick a different reading if possible. Shul readings where I live are a balagan. After I went last year with my 3rd grader, I said wow, this is really hard! Sure it's more fun, but it was hard to follow.

I found a reading in someone's house where people don't bring little kids. The bal koreh is right there. He reads loud and clear. You could almost fall asleep and be yotzei. My 4th grader didn't lose the place once. Even though Haman is banging your feet twice, she really enjoyed herself as did I and we left knowing we were 100% yotzei.

I still think people who have another choice shouldn't bring little kids, but I also think women who have a hard time following along should pick easier readings if they are an option.

I understand this isn't always possible, but when it is, take advantage!

teachkids

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:47 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

So where are the quiet readings? Here the house readings are intended for women with kids, so what's left for those of us who want to hear?

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:52 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

NOT ALL WOMEN HAVE A Husband.

And how many women who bring their babies to shul don't have husbands?

That's a rare case and for those women, I hear it. Sorry, those aren't the ladies people here are referring to.

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 3:53 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

good for you. I have heard this. And not all women have husbands. In fact I know some men who have no wives and yheyy are raising the kids. Wonder what they do. And don’t say their mothers or siblings. One man I know lives far away from family.

Right, and these are the people I'm referring to? Give me a break. The people I see with their kids in shul for megillah have spouses. I'm not talking about the widows, widowers or divorcees.

amother

DarkViolet

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 4:02 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

And how many women who bring their babies to shul don't have husbands?

That's a rare case and for those women, I hear it. Sorry, those aren't the ladies people here are referring to.

How about those women who have husband's but they were hired to play at YOUR purim party to make it leibidig? There is not enough time for my DH to watch our children before he needs to go to work to pay the bills. Not everyone has family nearby to help them. Good luck finding a babysitter on purim. Anyone suggesting it has obviously never tried to hire one for purim.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 4:07 pm

amother Mayflower wrote:

Right, and these are the people I'm referring to? Give me a break. The people I see with their kids in shul for megillah have spouses. I'm not talking about the widows, widowers or divorcees.

you know everyone?
Yes those who bring kids because they want to get it over with and not go later or those who are selfish enough to want their kids there even if they don’t behave should not come. But unfortunately today there are many who don’t have choices. And even if they have a husband- maybe he’s working, or taking care of a family member or just not there emotionally or I can go on and on. And we don’t know who they are.
Again children shouldn’t be there if they cannot be quiet, mom should be ready to leave at first sound, arrangements should be made, bottom line- we don’t know everyone’s story.
As I get older I learn more and more how judgmental we can be and while I cannot change others- I have changed some of my attitude.
Peace out and purim sameach to all.

amother

Offwhite

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 4:35 pm

teachkids wrote:

So where are the quiet readings? Here the house readings are intended for women with kids, so what's left for those of us who want to hear?

Here there are all types of home readings. Some are loud and some are quiet. Some are more formal and some are more casual. I pick one that is quiet and formal.

Also, at shuls, I have noticed a lot more kids at the first reading vs. the second reading. And the second readings I've been to have had the bal koreh in the women's section.

Basically, my point is that people that have a hard time and live in a place with options should do a little bit of research and then pick the option that suits them the best. This is going to be a lot more effective then trying to stop people from bringing kids.

The babysitter at the shul won't be a perfect solution either FTR. There are kids that are shy and/or very clingy, they aren't going to go to the babysitters nicely. They will end up coming into megila regardless. (Even though one of their parents should really take them home.)

amother

Offwhite

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 4:43 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Totally. I've left little babies with DH and have come home (not specifically from megila) to find the baby howling and DH doing nothing about it. I could see how tempting it would be to take the little baby with, put the baby to sleep in a carrier and nurse when necessary and go out if baby got fussy vs. being 99% sure the baby is at home screaming because they are used to being held.

NO I never did this!!! But I can understand the temptation.

Librarian

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 4:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

If you don’t have a babysitter and have no childcare options, please bring your children with you and go to hear megilla!!

Hearing megillah is your mitzvah and nobody should feel like they can’t go to megilla and will skip megilla just because they have kids.

I was at a megilla reading this morning and there was a toddler crying on the mens side for a few seconds. I was surprised but Guess what I could still hear every word and I’m sure the father had a good reason for bringing a small child with him. There were lots of kids on the women’s side who were perfectly quiet.

Nobody should feel like they can’t hear megilla and would miss a mitzva because they are uncomfortable bringing kids to megilla.

Bring your kids and do your mitzvah!

Last night the very well known Rav and Posek of a very major shul in Monsey stopped mid leining and asked the mother of the crying (on and off) baby to please leave.

amother

Violet

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 4:54 pm

Sorry, but I refuse to believe that hashem needs us to hear every letter more than he wants us to be accommodating to our children, our neighbors and not be angry and and prissy at others in Shul.

I think many women on here suffer from religious ocd. Throw the tomatoes.

amother

Violet

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 4:57 pm

I can picture the woman who sits in Shul with and angry face, her eyes shooting daggers towards the children who are shuffling around like little kids do, making sure that the mom notices how disproving she is.

It’s bizarre that she believes she goes home with such a huge mitzva today, because isn’t this what yiddishkeit is all about?

amother

Violet

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 4:59 pm

We should totally ban kids from our homes for the month of pessach because how can we be sure they won’t spread a crumb of chamatz? And we should lock them up for Shabbes as well, because they can cause us to be mechalel Shabbes accidentally.

amother

Hunter

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 5:00 pm

amother Violet wrote:

There's a middle ground.

amother

Lotus

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 5:10 pm

Librarian wrote:

Last night the very well known Rav and Posek of a very major shul in Monsey stopped mid leining and asked the mother of the crying (on and off) baby to please leave.

Ugh I feel so bad for that mother. Is public shaming really warranted? Feels very wrong to me.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 5:13 pm

amother Lotus wrote:

Ugh I feel so bad for that mother. Is public shaming really warranted? Feels very wrong to me.

The mom should have left before that... What's the point in continuing leining if everyone's gonna have to come back?

amother

Clover

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 5:20 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

It's always a problem because they learn in school that they should go but they really don't belong there. What we do is in our family, is that my father makes a kids laining. He basically lains the first pasuk and then the person with most Hamans and the kids feel like they heard .... I I do really have an issue that the schools teach them that everyone has to hear when they're too little to actually do it....