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Send help! Wedding!

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amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:52 pm

Ok, over the years I’ve become very close to a gieores. Super special girl who is now finally getting married! Her chosson is a bt and both have almost no family to help them with their wedding.

They asked me to host their wedding! I was a bit shocked but it actually made sense. They have no money, and I have a huge basement and a huge backyard (the rest of my house is quiet small). They offered to pay for all the food etc… but just saving on a hall they said would make a tremendous different. Which I do agree and DH is on board.

Where in the world do I start with planning a wedding in my house?! I’ve never even made a bar mitzvah! I have toddlers and a six year old!

I want it to be beautiful! I really want to make this special for them! But I gotta move fast. It’s a few days after pesach!!

Eta- it’ll be about 30-40 adults

Send all suggestions!

Bethany85

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:58 pm

Is a party planner in the budget?

Bethany85

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:00 pm

I’m jealous of your zchus. Hachnosas Kallah is one of the mitzvos we mention every morning that we are rewarded in this world and the next!

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:00 pm

I would first source all local gemachim, book in tables chairs tablecloths. a caterer (heimish lady or man who will come with 3 or 4 waiters and pre cooked food they will warm in Warmer ovens they bring) u may consider buffet style....

then I would book a keyboard player.
book to borrow the actual chupa unless couple want a tallit or they have from elsewhere.
see what they want re photography....a friend or more formal?
what do they want for flowers? probably go with bride.....choose her bouquet and if she wants for the room , tables etc.
kallah chair etc all gemach.
again, first start with gemachim....it will help you with what to think about

other things to think of;
wine for chupa (rabbi usually organises things needed for chupa)
bentchers for bentching after dinner.
washing station
microphone and speaker (keyboard player may provide)
shtick for wedding just to help make an atmosphere (hoops, parachute and or umbrella)
alcoholic drinks for evening
make sure caterer knows to prep food for yichud room.

amother

Holly

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:06 pm

Wow OP, that's really special of you!

First thing you need to think about is room layout. How many guests are you expecting? Where will the meal be? The dancing? Will there be buffet style food (think about where that would be located) or served (you will need waiters)?

Do you have a table and chair gemach in your community for this?

Don't forget a mechitzah if separate seating is expected.

Also think about location of music and speakers, whether that's an MP3 player, a DJ, or a one-man band.

Once the "function" part is under control, think about the "form."

Do you have a tablecloth, centerpiece, and flower gemach you can get decor from?

You can probably get lighting, flower arches or backdrops, and other things to make it really special.

amother

Marigold

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:12 pm

Mazel Tov!!
That's so exciting, such a Z'chus!
Do you need to invite so bochurim/young women to dance? Do you know any singers that would volunteer to come?
This is the type of situation where people are usually happy to donate of their time and talents.
Enjoy!

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:16 pm

Thank you all! You’re hysterical thinking I know what gemachim are in my neighborhood! Have I mentioned I e never done anything in the Simcha department before?! Not even an upsherin! Not counting the Bris my parents paid for at their shul!

I live in Monsey so tell me if there are any gemachiim. Is there really a gemach for a chuppah?!

Budget wise is low. I can order flowers but what do I do with them?

MP3 for music is great idea— is there like a wedding playlist with beautiful music for eating time and then Simcha dancing playlist?

Kiddiemom3

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:42 pm

If money means monsey then check out the back of the view or front page they have a list of gemachs.

amother

Cyclamen

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:48 pm

Maybe reach out to rabbi klatzko. I've seen videos of wedding he hosted in his home in monsey.
This should be a major zechus for you OP and the couple should be zoche to build a bayis neeman byisroel.

amother

Marigold

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:53 pm

You really shouldn't have to spend money I really think people will give for this special cause. Just ask around.

amother

Honeysuckle

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:54 pm

My mother used to make backyard weddings for baalos teshuvah she was close with, but it was A LOT of work and not sustainable, so she instead started asking the comfortable people in town to donate for hachnasas kallah so they could rent a hall and hire caterers. She still worked plenty hard making those weddings!

People don’t realize how much work goes into making a backyard wedding with no caterer and running around to gemachs for everything. Please ask for help (financial and physical), otherwise it can become too stressful.

amother

Honeysuckle

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:59 pm

My opinion, one of the nicest BT weddings I was ever at (not one my mother made, the couple did it themselves and were older), was an afternoon wedding in a shul (not a fancy shul, a very simple run-down place) with a buffet table against one wall with sternos of various foods, tables where people could choose their own seats, no centerpieces, and complete and utter joy radiating from everyone.

lukshin

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:06 pm

look at themonseykallah.com
for list of gemachim. and anything else you need for a wedding!

amother

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:24 pm

Ok so with some detective work I found gemachim for tablecloths centrepieces and flowers.

Where do I get a chupah???

Food- I believe we decided on making a beautiful buffet. Simple but pretty and elegant.
What color scheme should I do to make it elegant?

amother

Iris

Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Get your tablecloths and see what fancy disposables you can find and work around that. The flower Gemach is probably not fresh flowers, see what color their centerpieces are. Anything can be beautiful if it coordinates nicely. White and silver or white and gold tablecloths and tableware with colorful flowers should be easy to arrange. Remember to order the kallah a bouquet from a florist. Ask if she wants white or colored.