Help! Potty training

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 7:54 am

I tried potty training my daughter right before she turned 3, it was a disaster, she had zero interest so we decided to wait. Now 8 months later, I said enough, she needs to be trained. I tried yesterday, first thing In the morning we put on underwear and I kept asking her if she needed to go to the toilet. She kept saying no “I didn’t say I need to go”. She had 3 accidents, peed zero times in the toilet in total. Was a total failure. Starting the morning again today, any advice???? She’s almost 4 and can’t be in diapers forever. I feel like such a failure as a parent that I can’t get my oldest daughter to be potty trained. Now she’s home till after yom Tov so it’s the perfect opportunity and I really don’t want to turn back. Any advice appreciated!

amother

Maize

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 10:12 am

Make it clear to her that she isn't getting her diapers back and allow her to have accidents. That's how she'll learn. There are also books with methods on toilet training.I used potty training in 3 days by Brandi Brucks (I used it for a 2 year old so don't know how it would work for an older kid)

Hatzlacha!

amother

Navyblue

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 10:41 am

It’s ok! It’s day number one, it can take a few days for the concept to click. Not every child a three days and done scenario.
Right now she needs to connect to the sensation of needing to urinate with going to the potty. Don’t put anything on her for first while (week or two), just a shirt or dress with nothing underneath. You can sit her on the potty every so often but more importantly the minute you see her starting to have an accident run her over to the potty.
When she finally goes for the first time on the potty make a huge deal out of it and reward her. Continue with a lot of positive reinforcement every time she goes on the potty even if some of it gets on the floor before she makes it there. Eventually she will get the concept. This goes for number one and number two.

tichellady

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 11:20 am

I bet she’s picking up on your anxiety about this. Many kids don’t do well with such intense pressure. You need to figure out how to be less emotionally invested in this and not take it so personally. There are different approaches with potty training, I wait until my kids are interested but I know people who have success doing it before the kid is really interested but I think you have to be calm

amother

Peru

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 12:04 pm

Hi op! I feel you. In a similar situation... I tried past 2 days with my 3.5 yo and today were back to pullups. dc didn't even notice. Gonna try again in warmer weather doing commando with a long tshirt so dc feels comfortable walking around without underwear... You can also try the reminder watch. You set it and when it buzzes they know they need to go. At this age your child is old enough to understand the concept and maybe it will make her feel good! Good luck!

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 1:39 pm

Thank you everyone who took the time to reply. I started today taking her without giving her a choice even though she’s upset. I read her a book each time she sat on the toilet. She still didn’t even pee. She’s a very smart and stubborn toddler. Idk if she really doesn’t know how to go or is just being stubborn about it. Now we have a full two weeks to work on her. If I miss this opportunity, I need to wait for the summer when she’ll be just about 4. I can’t do that. My husband said no more diapers and I agree. He’s upset about it too. Unfortunately, she’s also very spoiled so prizes/nosh (she doesn’t like candy) does not motivate her. I don’t have anything to bribe her with really. I told her if she stays dry she can choose anything at the toy store. She liked the idea, but it didn’t motivate her enough. So stressful. Stuck at home and didn’t even progress. Iyh I’m davening we’ll get there. I feel like I’m the only one with a girl that old not trained. My family and friends etc all comment why she isn’t.

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 1:41 pm

To the Amother who said not to let her wear bottoms. She insists on wearing pants and will not go around without anything on her feet. As soon as she comes home from playgroup, that minute, she NEEDS to put on her pjs. That’s another struggle that I just let go on.

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:36 pm

@amother electricblue, I always wondered if she had, but that was mostly it and I wasn’t sure if it was enough to be called sensory. We had a phase last year that she refused to wear anything but long pants and long sleeves, Right before she turned 3. Then when playgroup started I insisted she get dressed. I thought it was getting better but idk. What other symptoms should I be looking out for? Do you think it’s affecting her potty training?

amother

Fern

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 5:26 pm

Does she goes with you to the toilet? A nice potty next to it can be very helpful. You can put a basket with her favourites books or some nice simple toys to use while she is sitting, or also sing a song every time you goes to the toilet and then tell her that's the song of the potty..so she can identify the moment with that song and with a fun place.
My kid is 2 and he goes alone to pee and poo, he also cleans his potty himself and since a couple of weeks he has been asking me not to go with him, he really enjoy that time for himself there.
We have also used "training underwear" so he can recognise the wet feeling when it's starting.

If she has siblings, there can be also some "issue" of not wanted to be a big girl and to loose her status as a baby. I will try to assure her that she will still be cuddle and be soft to her.

Good luck and love to you!

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 6:01 pm

Most kids have accidents the first day. It took all of my children 2-3 days to get the hang of it. Some kids are faster with #1 and some with #2. My youngest we trained on the earlier side because her teacher said she was ready. #2 was on the first day, it took an entire week for her to be dry and consistently urinate in the toilet. Some kids are scared of the toilet/flushing/falling in. Some take a few days to learn when to get to the toilet. Unless your kid wears cloth diapers it will take a few days at least.

amother

Electricblue

Fri, Apr 19 2024, 1:09 am

amother OP wrote:

I am sitting wondering if your daughter is twins with my daughter Very Happy

. The long pants and long sleeves is what gave it away.

In all seriousness- other symptoms my daughter has is things are too loud, too bright, smell. She has other issues (mostly she is weak at her core, she slouches, sits in a W position, has a hard time just sitting on the floor and playing) but the OT told me any other symptoms she has are stemming from the sensory issues. I think the training could very well be a symptom of the sensory issues. You said she is smart, so I don’t think she is just not getting it. If you are in Lakewood I can recommend an excellent OT. If not look for one that is well versed in reflex integration. O4 better yet find a highly recommended CST who is also an OT.