Gentle parenting success

giftedmom

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:55 am

amother Oak wrote:

When my kids were that age I also thought their good behavior was a result of my awesome parenting. I've eaten a lot of humble pie since.

Shshshsh let her revel a bit

amother

Broom

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:06 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Shshshsh let her revel a bit

Be nice. Golly everyone is putting her off using her chosen chinuch method. What's wrong with the 'go girl!' attitude? OP great to hear someone being so positive about their kids after Yom tov spent with fam.

amother

Gray

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:14 pm

Gentle parenting is great and I try to implement it as well, but allowing your 2 year old to sit on your baby is neglect and not gentle parenting.
You must remove your child right away and protect your baby.
This example isn’t gentle parenting.

amother

Black

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:17 pm

Sounds like permissive parenting. You need to set boundaries and discipline your kids. Yes screaming, hitting and being rough with kids is bed. But you need to remove, distract, and make sure no one is getting hurt.

amother

Azalea

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:37 pm

amother Broom wrote:

A mother should not feel positive for allowing a child to hurt their baby, and not doing anything about it in the name of "gentle parenting."
It seems like OP needs guidance about what gentle parenting really is.

Comptroller

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

We've been off schedule the last 3 weeks with the kids sleeping in different beds than they're used to, eating new foods, meeting new people... And bh bli ayan hora my kids were the most well behaved kids!! I do gentle parenting meaning I don't punish

Congratulations! Keep it on!

giftedmom

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:10 pm

amother Broom wrote:

It’s not about the chinuch method, it’s about the utter conviction that she has this whole parenting thing down, when her oldest is five. It’s hilarious to every one of us with older kids no matter our parenting strategy.

amother

Broom

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:13 pm

Comptroller wrote:

Congratulations! Keep it on!

Same OP. You sound like a great Mom who is bringing up your kids with a lot of thought!

And to all those who are telling you that your wrong, clueless, smug etc etc...I'll let you in on a secret that you should know (for when the criticism on makes you second guess yourself): I don't do gentle parenting, and guess what? My toddler has sat on my baby and maybe I was in the bathroom, wiping up a spill, switching off the flame before the food burned or fill in the blank...and GASP, took me a couple of minutes to get to my baby!!

amother

Azalea

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:16 pm

amother Broom wrote:

But this isn't what OP is doing.
OP is purposely allowing her son to sit on the baby, purposely not doing anything about it, in the name of gentle parenting.
This is not gentle parenting & is not okay.
Purposely allowing children to hurt other children, is not parenting & is irresponsible.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:22 pm

I’m all for gentle parenting and respecting your children and trying to understand the meaning behind their behavior. But, whether or not your child is well behaved is not about you or your parenting style.

That’s what’s bothering everyone here

amother

Broom

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:24 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Look, I don't know details, but from OP's post I gather that her toddler no longer sits on her baby. Now I don't have toddlers and babies anymore, but I remember having to do this type of 'diffusing' many many times over the years.

No one method is perfect.

And I imagine that OP doesn't 'let' her toddler sit on her baby for hours on end, repeatedly, while she sat on the hammock with her pina colada.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

Its not good for children to grow up with fear. Its good for children to learn from their mistakes.
Sometimes they need guidance to take apart and understand their feelings.

Awareness of consequences is not fear

amother

Broom

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:26 pm

amother Kiwi wrote:

I get it, I really do, but it's ok to take what you want out of a method, and not things that won't work for you.

But you don't have to trash an entire way of doing things.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:29 pm

amother Broom wrote:

I get it, I really do, but it's ok to take what you want out of a method, and not things that won't work for you.

But you don't have to trash an entire way of doing things.

I said I was for gentle parenting. I’m not against it. No trashing here of an entire way of doing things. Just pointing out this most important fact of all

amother

Azalea

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:32 pm

amother Broom wrote:

This happened now over pesach, and OP implied that it's not a one time thing either, as she said that her MIL knew that OP won't do anything about it.
That's not gentle parenting. That's permissive or no parenting. If others around you already know that you don't do anything & that you don't discipline your children, then that's not gentle parenting.

SuperWify

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:36 pm

For younger children, I’m all for gentle parenting. I LOVE Dr Becky. I use her positive ideas when I can. but if your kids are strong willed you need very firm boundaries too.

No, you can’t jump on the baby. That’s ridiculous and dangerous. No, you can’t open the door without asking mommy or go to your friends and not be penalized. Safety first.

Kids don’t understand things the way adults do and sometimes the only way they’ll learn is by being told a very firm no or even *gasp* a time out or consequence. Not being gently told, please don’t hurt the baby….

amother

Firebrick

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:41 pm

Here's my issue with gentle parenting as it's presented here.
I get the emphasis on respecting the child.
But we're not respecting the other party.

If a 3 year old "lightly taps" her grandmother, it's possible that that "light playful hitting" genuinely hurt her grandmother. Maybe she has a pain or recent injury or something. The grandmother expects the child's mother to remove the child and state firmly "we don't hit other people". And if the child does it again, the mother needs to do it again.
If the mother makes a calculation "it's playful, it's not hard, etc" then, yes the injured party will decide to remove the child on her own, and she may yell.

If I'm holding my baby and your toddler comes and hits him saying "nice, nice", I will remove your child's hands and say "don't touch". It might be firmer than you like.

amother

NeonGreen

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:49 pm

It’s good that you are seeing success with your children and that your parenting style is serving them well.
Sometimes, you’re blessed with a child that doesn’t do well with your choice of parenting and it just doesn’t work. You have to learn what works for which child.

lilytee

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:55 pm

Gentle parenting as described by op is disrespectful parenting.
Respectful parenting would mean respecting the baby as a person and remove the toddler.

Respectful parenting is giving natural consequences.... please lower your voice in the car, oh you're having a hard time? I'm going to have to turn the car around.

Allowing your children to do what they like because they're children and it's normal for their age is not chinuch. We're here to guide and support our children to grow into respectful and functioning adults.

SuperWify

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:56 pm

amother NeonGreen wrote:

We should start a spin-off but I learned this the hard way and I have only little kids. (Under 7.)

I only wanted or parent gently and never yell. One child responded nicely and our relationship blossomed. She’s an agreeable person and glows when you shower positivity.

But my stronger willed child refused all niceties and it always ended up yelling and he crying. It was a battle of wills every time. Exhausting. Draining.

You know what works for him- really strong boundaries, firm parenting, time out as needed to calm down, and lots lot of smiles, one on one time hugs and kisses. Parenting him is still tiring but not as exhausting.