Was there a thread

amother

Hunter

Tue, May 07 2024, 11:47 am

I don't know, but I'd love to discuss it. It was so strange. She wanted to protect the secret that her cousin was dysfunctional. But her cousin also knew she was dysfunctional and started an extended meal train for her. So why was she still acting like it was a secret? Maybe if they had worked together the help would have worked out better.

When her cousin found realized she was sending food, she could have just said she was asked to send meals for someone but she didn't know who. End of story. Cousin doesn't get upset.

Also, I found it really obnoxious that they described her as being insanely busy because she works 15 hours a week. Ok. Sure.

amother

Bronze

Tue, May 07 2024, 12:06 pm

I feel like most of these bizarre stories have a common thread: lack of communication. I know IRL lots of people have communication problems but not as dramatic as in these fiction stories. I always just want to yell at them “Talk!!!!!!!! Just talk about it as normal human adults!”
(I’m also referring to the double-take they do every couple weeks in the Mishpacha Magazine)

amother

Tue, May 07 2024, 12:33 pm

amother Bronze wrote:

I agree with you, but in some cases, like in this story, the whole point was that she wouldn't talk because she wanted to preserve the dignity if her cousin.

In many cases, the reason people don't talk is because telling the truth would be lashon hara, or it would compromise someone's feelings. Other times, talking would open up a whole Pandora's box. And we all know people who we just can't talk to. No amount of communication is going to help.

So in an ideal world, you should be able to talk and explain things. But in the world we live in, often people feel that not talking is the safer option.

amother

Hunter

Tue, May 07 2024, 12:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

But the other cousin knew there were problems! It wasn't a secret anymore.

amother

Tue, May 07 2024, 12:48 pm

I loved the story. Esti Heller, if you are here, I thought the story was amazing and beautifully written. And although it's an extreme story, I thought it was very realistic. Thank you!

I was once the protagonist of a story where I went all out to help someone and I was made to be the bad person. In short, a student in my school approached me to ask information about a seminary I went to many years ago (close to 30 years ago). The sem was in the US, in another state. I gave her the information. It became clear that her parents did not have the funds to send her there. So I discreetely made a collection to raise the money. Someone else communicated this to her parents. Also, I bought her airline tickets and another teacher took her shopping for clothes, shoes, a coat and lots of other things. She was given pocket money,etc. Her parents never reached out to me to thank me or anything, but I did not expect it from them.
When she arrived at the seminary, she realized it not as it had been explained to her, and she wanted to go home. She called her mother and cried to her. Her mother called me to yell at me, accusing me of kidnapping her child and threatened to call the police on me.

Long story short, I bought her another plane ticket home, and in the end, the money which was collected went towards another seminary, which a few teachers worked tirelessly to get her into.

There was no one to talk to because the mother was obviously not in her right mind. I did what I had to for the daughter and when the mother made me into the bad guy, I tried not to take it personally. Unfortunately, there are many people who are not well. It doesn't take away from the good that was done.
The protagonist in this story (Tamar) acted with true chessed and yashrus, and in the end, she swallowed her hurt and kept her eye on just doing the right thing.

amother

Tue, May 07 2024, 12:52 pm

amother Hunter wrote:

But the other cousin knew there were problems! It wasn't a secret anymore.

She wasn't sure what the other cousin knew and she didnt want to ask because she knew that she knew much more. She was only thinking about the dignity of her cousin. .
I do think though that mYbe it was a mistake.
I wonder if maybe she should have told the cousin who was organizing the meal train the truth. She was between a rock and a hard place.
On the one hand, telling her the truth would violate Toby's privacy.
On the other, the meal treat was actually harmful to Toby, since it would undo the progress she made towards becoming functional.