Self destructive thread

amother

Natural

Wed, May 15 2024, 7:58 pm

I’m similar except that my depression is making it hard to
Play with and read to them like I used to and making me yell a whole lot more, so I’m worse than you Speechless

one thing I do recommend is getting them to the dentist asap, dealing with cavities and root canals is only going to be harder

amother

Valerian

Wed, May 15 2024, 9:02 pm

This isn’t about you being a good or bad mommy- it’s clear you’re struggling and doing your best. That being said the things you described are a little dysfunctional and do affect your kids both physically and mentally. Going to therapy is great on working on a long term solution but it sounds like you need a short term solution as well. A chessed girl? Hired help? A mother who can come once a week? You need some help here I think. Nobody wants to mom guilt you but also your kids need to be cared for appropriately so if you can’t provide that right now you may need to brainstorm who can help with that. Hope that doesn’t come off harsh.

amother

Crystal

Thu, May 16 2024, 7:54 am

I'm a regular normal person (not according to some posters here)
My kids get bathed once a week till they are older to shower themselves.
I was never on top of their tooth brushing, it was too stressful and I couldn't take it upon myself. As they grew older they realized that if they don't want to have cavities and have a miserable time at the dentist they will have to do it themselves. Right now, they are brushing 2x a day without me having to tell them a single thing.

I do cook dinner, but if you cant manage to do it, maybe try just cooking pasta, that's it. And then they can add their own, cheese or tuna or whatever.

The only thing I think you should try to do, is brush their hair. If it doesn't get brushed it gets notty and then it doesn't look normal. Unless your kids have straight sticks for hair. It may also affect them socially.

I don't find you to be that bad, sorry. Smile

amother

Thu, May 16 2024, 8:12 am

amother Crystal wrote:

My kids are picky eaters so cooking pasta will help nobody. There's really a lot of food and often I will go out and buy them ready made supper if they ask for that. Also if they want me to fry an egg or cook eggs I will do that too. Sometimes I made supper but usually kids won't eat it, just me and my husband. But I know if we would all sit down there is a higher chance kids will eat just because of the social thing.

About hair, I do it if there's time and my daughter can be stubborn and not let me do it. Same with baths, my kids hate baths, otherwise I would do it. I don't have the strength to fight them.

amother

Beige

Thu, May 16 2024, 8:14 am

A good thing that you can do for your family right now is your own self care. You take a shower every day. You brush your teeth twice a day. You prepare healthy meals for yourself. You will see, as you treat yourself better, you will feel better, and when you feel better, things will become less of a struggle.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, May 16 2024, 9:53 am

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

Get this to prevent cavities. It's kosher

ACT Kids Anticavity Fluoride Rinse https://a.co/d/hm8M6EC

This is great! I’m at a point where I’m bH much more on top of things than OP currently is but brushing teeth during the morning rush isn’t top priority. I keep a bottle of this in the downstairs bathroom and kids can do it themselves after breakfast. My dentist is happy with that! And the kids like it.

justforfun87

Thu, May 16 2024, 10:00 am

Listen, I am totally ok with the no showering. Heck even the toothbrushing. It is hard and when my kids were younger they hardly bathed either. I would just like to point out to spare your kids being picked on please just brush the hair. I think that is the most easy thing to identify as a struggling family when I see a kid with a rats nest in the hair. Cut it short if you have to, throw it in a pony just make it look presentable. I think the girls notice as they age too and perhaps makes them a bit of a target. Gd forbid no kid ever deserves being excluded.

amother

Steel

Thu, May 16 2024, 10:29 am

Hi OP I do almost the same as you.

But I am awesome!!!
I play games with my kids
Read them books
Provide them with clean laundry
Shmooze with them
Dance with them
Get their HW Done

This year I was better abt brushing Teeth and going to dentist, though not great. Gotta get back into brushing.
My kids brush their own hair and make their own hair most days.
I make supper most days of the week.
No one is starving.
Suppers are easy like rice and chicken. Or french toast. Or macaroni and cheese. Hotdog and bun.
Kids complain abt supper no Matter what I serve.

watergirl

Thu, May 16 2024, 10:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Why do they have to have a bath? A shower is quicker and easier.

amother

Topaz

Thu, May 16 2024, 10:56 am

So it seems like you do the parenting part well. Just not the running of the mundane tasks.

You know what? I brushed each and every kids teeth with them (not physically, just made sure it happened) until they were teens practically, and made sure it was pleasant experience & I have kids who are horrible brushers, while my mother never ever got involved with teeth brushing or reminding and I brush and have the most meticulous brushing routine. So I am not sure that has detrimental long term effects. And food is food, a full tummy is a full tummy as long as it isn't candy instead of food. Sure you feel like you can be more functional and family dinners are emotionally healthy and good for everyone.

The showering I am a little of both minds on, would it be better if you did? Certainly. Would it build good habits? See teethbrushing.

But as everyone else said, your dd's social life will be affected by her hair fitting in or not.

So don't attack your parenting, that seems solid. I can show you kids from homes where all the home is run like a clock but the parenting is terrible. Which would you choose?

Some of us have issues, most have something, no one is perfect, you are putting in effort and that's all you can do. If they know they are loved and heard you are doing well if still somewhat dysfunctional.

amother

Thu, May 16 2024, 11:19 am

amother Beige wrote:

I shower once every week or two and stopped brushing last few months though I usually do. I do eat a good supper usually but they aren't always around when I do. I like to eat in peace. Maybe that's part of the problem.