Who pays for clothes?

amother

Holly

Wed, May 15 2024, 4:10 pm

Curious as to why parents would pay for a woman who is working?

In my experience once a woman works, she purchases clothing with her parents (typically mother) getting special gifts that are supplementary to a basic wardrobe.

Or more typically giving the daughter cash presents so that the daughter can get whatever she wants.

When a girl is in school, the parents would typically pay although often - depending on parents' finances - money earned during the summer would be used to fill out a wardrobe.

amother

Wine

Wed, May 15 2024, 4:43 pm

amother Holly wrote:

Curious as to why parents would pay for a woman who is working?

It makes sense if the parents have ample funds, everyone is expected to earn more than they spend over the course of their lifetimes, and everyone is behaving responsibly. All my money and DH's is going to go to our kids eventually anyway. I don't see why we should sit on it like goblins until we die, as opposed to transitioning it more gradually, including while our kids are young enough to enjoy it. And hopefully our kids will do the same for their kids and on and on.

amother

Lemon

Wed, May 15 2024, 5:32 pm

Why would an adult need a new wardrobe every year? I'm ready for all the hugs. Once your child is done growing, most new clothes are a luxury. Unless something get ruined, shopping is just because you want to buy something at that stage. Yes, a girl who is in shidduchim needs a few nice outfits, but not constant new ones.

My parents paid for my clothes when they were needed (growing) and then sometimes as a present. I think that's reasonable.

amother

Hosta

Wed, May 15 2024, 5:40 pm

My parents paid for everything for me till I got married. (They still help me out a lot after marriage.)

My parents are generous people. They believe parents should provide for unmarried children. Maybe if I wanted something huge like a car, they would have made me buy things, but clothing, even nice clothing to wear on dates? That was on them, but because they wanted to.

My parents absolutely encouraged me saving my money, and I am forever grateful for that.

amother

Diamond

Thu, May 16 2024, 9:05 am

When I was post seminary my parents were financially secure. I didn't pay for anything, but then again, I was low maintenance.

Years later when my youngest sister was post seminary, my parents were in a very different place financially (NOT because of supporting couples!!!) And they paid for all badics for my sister, like new clothes for YT, but not for all the extras she wanted (more a high maintenance) like specific soaps, more hair products, expensive makeup...

amother

Peru

Thu, May 16 2024, 9:25 am

Appreciating all the perspective on here.

My parents paid for everything, including extras. Granted, I was very responsible, hardworking and not frivolous spender at all.

I worked quite a few jobs and made very nice amount by the time I got married. My father held onto that till we were ready to buy a house. It was a huge chunk of our down payment. Forever grateful to him. ( although newly married I was desperate for the money- no parental support- but in hindsight I’m happy he held his ground)

I’m chassidish for reference.

amother

Cappuccino

Thu, May 16 2024, 9:26 am

I really don't agree with parents continuing to pay for the kids stuff once they back from sem.
It doesn't teach good worth ethic or budgeting or independence.
Assuming the girl works (even if its very part time babysitting or whatever) our DD pays her cell phone plan, contact lenses, and most clothes. Before yt we buy her a dress , jacket. etc. toiletries mostly we buy as they get added to the grocery shop, any special makeup or whatever she buys

amother

Holly

Thu, May 16 2024, 11:11 am

amother Wine wrote:

My parents were very financially secure.

They were also generous as they supported me through graduate school.

Once I started working, discretionary expenses like clothing, social stuff, vacations were my responsibility. This was partly because they felt it important for adults to learn how to be able to lie within their salaries as an important life skill.

They did subsidize me for stuff. For example, they paid for insurance on my car. They also paid for some expensive medical stuff.

When I bought my first home, they gave me a sizable amount for the down payment. They knew they had more than enough to live comfortably on retirement so they also felt it was an advance against inheritance.

However, I was responsible for paying for furniture aside from some gifts along the way. I think they paid for my couch as a housewarming present and my mother bought me a vintage chandelier because she knew I would love it - and it was a bargain Very Happy

amother

Wine

Thu, May 16 2024, 11:20 am

amother Holly wrote:

Once I started working, discretionary expenses like clothing, social stuff, vacations were my responsibility. This was partly because they felt it important for adults to learn how to be able to lie within their salaries as an important life skill.

I think this is fine and have nothing against it. But I don't think it's necessary if the adult child is already relatively frugal and responsible.

My husband, for example, has always been very frugal. He was frugal when his well-off parents were paying for his expenses as a young adult with very little income and he is still very frugal as a middle-aged man with a lot of discretionary income. If the values of hard work, financial responsibility, and frugality are instilled, then I don't see a need to further incentivize them. But I don't think it's bad if other parents choose to do so.

amother

Pistachio

Thu, May 16 2024, 11:50 am

I paid for my own clothing while in high school. My parents struggled a lot with parnassah at the time. To be honest, I resented it a lot because I was left with very little discretionary income and my friends seemed to go out and buy whatever they wanted on their parents’ dime. In hindsight my parents did what they could and didn’t owe me anything but as a teen in my world it wasn’t so easy.

amother

Stone

Thu, May 16 2024, 12:04 pm

I'm guessing that the majority of young ladies living at home in the first few years after seminary have at least some of their clothing subsidized by their parents. OTOH, parents CAN have their adult daughters be responsible for covering the cost.
I think some of the important factors were already mentioned-can the daughter afford it, can the parents afford it...
but also, I'm so not into clothes shopping that I would never have had clothing if it was on me. But that means I also wasn't asking my parents for clothing/money, it was when/what they felt I needed. Maybe once or twice I wanted something specific and I went and bought it. But usually, it was more like, my mother reminded me that Yomim Tovim are coming, she is taking my sisters to X stores on Y day and I am welcome to join. And my mother would pay.
I think balance is the best-assuming that both parents and daughter are ABLE to pay, they should each pay part of these expenses (and maybe parents should gradually decrease their contribution)

amother

Latte

Thu, May 16 2024, 2:19 pm

I paid for almost nothing myself. My parents were financially very stable.
However, on the other end of the spectrum, I know a girl who was required to give even her babysitting money as a teen to her parents to be part of the household income as long as she was part of her parents’ household. So apparently there are many ways to go about finances in a family.

amother

Indigo

Thu, May 16 2024, 3:53 pm

TBH, I don't think I asked my mother for $$ since I was 12 - because I knew she didn't have. I started babysitting then. My grandmother would buy my really nice clothes so I never looked like a poor nebach. I used my own $ for anything that I needed or wanted. Saved up for a bike, a stereo.. I got $ from my grandparents for birthday, Chanuka, and sometimes from aunts and uncles so that with working paid for anything I every bought from 7th grade. Yes, my own spending $$ through high school and seminary. I paid for my own college by working full time and going at night. And I have no resentment.

amother

Pansy

Fri, May 17 2024, 3:38 am

amother Snow wrote:

The minute I stepped off the seminary plane I was on my own financially.
Toiletries, clothing, any food that wasn't already in the house.
Honestly, I resented it but I don't blame anyone. Money was tight.

Same situation.
I worked and paid for everything myself, including college.
Once I graduated and was working full time my parents asked me to pay rent to them as well.

amother

Dandelion

Fri, May 17 2024, 7:17 am

amother Stone wrote:

I'm guessing that the majority of young ladies living at home in the first few years after seminary have at least some of their clothing subsidized by their parents.

Actually in my observations (and I lived at home for a number of years after seminary, and I had a good number of friends who did the same), it was actually the opposite. Most of the girls I knew got part time jobs while in college and paid for their clothing and other sundries that way. Definitely as soon as everyone finished college and/or got a full time job, they paid for their own expenses. Maybe a few girls were able to have to use of a family car or were on a family phone plan and saved some money that way, but nobody was swiping their parents cc to buy clothing, make up, foood, or other stuff. Maybe in the first year back from seminary when we were still getting on our feet, those who were already starting to date/get engaged were getting stuff bought for them, but that was the extent. (Oot yeshivish circles.)