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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
Would you take your toddler?
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| Yes, to any simcha |
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45% |
[ 67 ] |
| Only to wedding vs other simchas |
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2% |
[ 4 ] |
| Only to bar mitzva vs wedding |
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0% |
[ 1 ] |
| No, I wouldn’t take them to any simchas |
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41% |
[ 61 ] |
| Still an only child yes |
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2% |
[ 4 ] |
| Others |
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6% |
[ 9 ] |
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| Total Votes : 146 |
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giftedmom
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 Wed, May 22 2024, 3:15 pm
To my nieces and nephews weddings overseas- yes. They’re jet lagged anyway and how am I supposed to find babysitting overseas? I try to find babysitting for newborns as they don’t care who takes care of them but toddlers very much do.
Locally only if it’s my sibling who is actually getting married. Anything else I try to find a babysitter to come to me.
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SuperWify
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Wed, May 22 2024, 3:16 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I’m referring to if the kid is not on a regular schedule yet for various reasons, and is up |
Why not then?
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amother
Brass
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Wed, May 22 2024, 3:18 pm
| amother Cerise wrote: | This is not nice!
You want to enjoy yourself so you leave your baby behind. How about the Baal simcha who spent so much money wanting her simcha to be functional?
Imagine everyone bringing their babies and kids to every simcha? Chaotic!
I was just at an engagement this week and there were about 10 babies there. The hall was overtaken by strollers and harried mothers trying to calm their babies/put them to sleep.
For your baby's sake, the bal simcha and yourself, leave your baby home!
I would put a kiddush or oifruf in a different category because you can literally just pop in and out. |
You’re assuming the Baal simcha doesn’t want the toddler there but OP doesn’t say that…
My extended family has lots of young kids and toddlers are always invited and a part of it. For myself, I generally bring them to the beginning and then send them home with a babysitter so they could sleep.
ETA- now that I see the other post the OP started, I want to stress that I’m only ok to bring my toddlers because they’re invited and wanted. If they weren’t, I’d leave them at home with a babysitter (or dh if they don’t do well with strangers… I’ve had those.)
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amother
PlumPink
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Wed, May 22 2024, 3:28 pm
| amother Cerise wrote: | This is not nice!
You want to enjoy yourself so you leave your baby behind. How about the Baal simcha who spent so much money wanting her simcha to be functional?
Imagine everyone bringing their babies and kids to every simcha? Chaotic!
I was just at an engagement this week and there were about 10 babies there. The hall was overtaken by strollers and harried mothers trying to calm their babies/put them to sleep.
For your baby's sake, the bal simcha and yourself, leave your baby home!
I would put a kiddush or oifruf in a different category because you can literally just pop in and out. |
If the ball simcha invited '&family' it means including kids. If not, other than newborns, leave kids at home as they aren't invited.
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amother
Cerise
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Wed, May 22 2024, 3:36 pm
| mizle10 wrote: | Seriously??
If my sister is marrying off her daughter I don’t expect her to take care of my toddler and not dance! But if my toddler is being cranky I’ll leave the ballroom and take care of her  |
I have been to simchos where there are so many women busy with their babies and kids that there are hardly people dancing! They all eat their meals and then ditch dancing!
It's awful.
It doesn't matter if you care for your daughter outside, it still affects the simcha.
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amother
Cerise
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Wed, May 22 2024, 3:38 pm
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Just to clarify, if the bal Simcha genuinly doesn't mind the kids around or even wants them, that's a different story! Of course do whatever suits you. I am talking about when they specifically don't want kids.
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amother
Daylily
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Wed, May 22 2024, 3:52 pm
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What circles are u all in?? I never heard of not bringing ur kids to your siblings wedding! For reference I’m from Brooklyn mainstream Flatbush circles. Usually u get some high school girls to come to the hall and babysit as needed.
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amother
Rainbow
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:00 pm
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I take my kids to all simchot, take turns with DH with the little ones.
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amother
Tangerine
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:04 pm
| amother Cerise wrote: | This is not nice!
You want to enjoy yourself so you leave your baby behind. How about the Baal simcha who spent so much money wanting her simcha to be functional?
Imagine everyone bringing their babies and kids to every simcha? Chaotic!
I was just at an engagement this week and there were about 10 babies there. The hall was overtaken by strollers and harried mothers trying to calm their babies/put them to sleep.
For your baby's sake, the bal simcha and yourself, leave your baby home!
I would put a kiddush or oifruf in a different category because you can literally just pop in and out. |
This is not nice!
Can the bal simcha think about all the young mothers who need to shell out $100+ dollars every other day for sitters. Plus traveling gas and toll.
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Rappel
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:07 pm
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Is it really a Simcha without little children?
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amother
Dustypink
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:13 pm
| Rappel wrote: | | Is it really a Simcha without little children? |
Why not?
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amother
Peach
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:19 pm
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In my community people often bring girls to wedding halls to watch their babies in a separate room. Like this they can enjoy themselves and be there if their baby needs them.
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amother
Forestgreen
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:24 pm
| amother Tangerine wrote: | This is not nice!
Can the bal simcha think about all the young mothers who need to shell out $100+ dollars every other day for sitters. Plus traveling gas and toll. |
This brings me back to the question.
Is a frum wedding about being mesamech the Chatman and Kallah, or as my non-religious uncle thinks, that the bride and groom are there to host their guests and make sure the guests have a good time.
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amother
Gold
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:32 pm
It depends on my relationship with balei simcha and what the balei simcha want and the norms and the venue.
I can't really answer the question.
My brother recently got married. We took our kids to the wedding. We didn't hire any babysitters at the wedding because we weren't local and most of the kids we knew weren't going to stay with the babysitter. There were no baby babies. The youngest was 20 months. My MIL took my 8 YO son home early, but he could've stayed if he wanted to.
For Sheva Brachos, there was one during the week. None of us took our kids. The other side told us they were getting babysitters for the toddler crowd and so we followed the lead since they were hosting. The kids that were there were the ones that lived there and the ones staying there b/c they came for the chasuna. A few little babies came and 1 toddler, but most weren't there.
It was super nice! They got to be present at the simcha and there really wasn't space for all of them. My sister and SIL did have to run back a little early because the kids weren't doing well with the babysitters.
Shabbos SB, kids were invited for the 2 main meals but for SS we were told kids weren't recommended. It was going to be small and the kids were quite roudy during the other Shabbos SBs.
So we didn't go and we sent our husbands'. We ate SS with the kids. We found out after that some did bring kids but plenty didn't.. We weren't upset. We were happy to have a chilled time and nobody was upset we weren't there because we were pretty clearly told not to bring the kids.
So same simcha but in different contexts different things made sense.
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Vegan Yenta
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Wed, May 22 2024, 5:15 pm
We took our toddlers/infants/children/young adults everywhere. My children were/are well behaved and they always rose to the occassion to make my husband/their father proud.
Even though 2 of my children were in special ed. Even though my children all had distinct strong personalities. Their love and awe of their father kept them all in line.
I insisted from a very young age that our children always be mindful of how they need to be representatives of our family/our name.
My children were welcomed everywhere, and when simchas did not extend invites to our children, we did not attend.
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amother
NeonBlue
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Wed, May 22 2024, 5:33 pm
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OP the young me at age 25 would say ''of course Tzippi is coming!'' The 50 yr. old me would say now ''No way, Tzippi stays home happy, sleeping in her crib.'' Happy Mommy, Happy Tzippi.
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amother
Snowdrop
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Wed, May 22 2024, 5:53 pm
Agree. A random neighbor making a wedding, no I wouldn't. But, then I can also get a babysitter for an hour or so while I go.
When a sibling is making the simcha, you want to be there the entire time. And for me would be a stress of the babysitter calling that said child isn't happy and then I would need to leave the simcha. Also then I'm brining along all my kids whereas a non-family simcha I'm not.
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amother
DarkGreen
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Wed, May 22 2024, 6:08 pm
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It depends who the bal simcha is, if it’s in my town, if other people are bringing kids and if I think they will mind.
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amother
Taupe
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Wed, May 22 2024, 8:34 pm
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Only if they had been specifically invited, and even then, probably not. I want to enjoy the simcha. When I have to look out for my kids, I'm not enjoying, and it's not fair for me to ask someone else to look after them so I can have a good time.
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amother
Amaryllis
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Wed, May 22 2024, 9:49 pm
| amother Cerise wrote: | This is not nice!
You want to enjoy yourself so you leave your baby behind. How about the Baal simcha who spent so much money wanting her simcha to be functional?
Imagine everyone bringing their babies and kids to every simcha? Chaotic!
I was just at an engagement this week and there were about 10 babies there. The hall was overtaken by strollers and harried mothers trying to calm their babies/put them to sleep.
For your baby's sake, the bal simcha and yourself, leave your baby home!
I would put a kiddush or oifruf in a different category because you can literally just pop in and out. |
This is such a random thing to be passionate about.
Kah do you have any idea how many simchos we are expected to attend? I’m antisocial and refuse to play along so I just don’t go. But if I did go like everyone else?
My kids are old enough to watch themselves but I’m not going to trust them with a baby. So if you’d rather people stay home instead of coming with their baby then let them know. Otherwise, be happy that they schlepped out for you.
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