Stop accusing me of not prioritizing tuition

amother

Charcoal

Thu, May 23 2024, 5:08 pm

amother Charcoal wrote:

Let me join in the sorrow! We both work full time and make about $150 a year before taxes. We have marriageable age children and have no idea how we will pay for it. My husband used to have a business that did well bh, but then it failed. We lived somewhere else, but for work, we had to move and pretty much start from scratch and from the time the business went bust until he found a job, we pretty much ate our savings. We live in an apartment that’s too small for us. We would love to get another job or start a business, but it’s hard when we have the security of money coming in, albeit not much. And we have medicaid, but I’m not sure how long that will last. If we have to pay for health insurance, our salary bracket will be eligible for medicaid. A lose, lose situation. All in Hashem’s hand.

And as far as vacation goes, my husband wanted to visit his father because he was unwell, but he couldn’t take time off. He already took time off for another thing that was needed. We don’t own a car either.

Think I’m done. Very Happy

I can go on though. Wink

amother

Charcoal

Thu, May 23 2024, 5:12 pm

amother Peony wrote:

As someone who feels that everybody should be paying with tuition, we are not talking about people like you. If someone is working full-time and just not able to make ends meet, it's a different story than somebody who decides to work part-time, or stay home and not work, or prioritize their money to go on vacation and other elaborate stuff. There's always going to be people who can't pay who are working really hard and hopefully one day they'll get there and be able to pay fully.

Personally, and I've spoken on other threads. It's the people that I know that specifically don't work enough hours to make it work. Or, feel that the school should want to educate their children and have no interest in actually paying the tuition. It's a very different story if someone's actually paying partially or working their hardest to be able to do what they need to do.

Although, the schools need to come up with the way that makes it work for most people. I pay full tuition and I get no breaks and I was told specifically that the tuition is higher because lack of people don't pay or pay very at all. As I posted on the other thread, I am paying over 50k for four children.

As per the bolded, so sad that you feel only the wealthy can raise and be home with their children.

amother

Hosta

Thu, May 23 2024, 5:24 pm

I feel u. We pay 30% of our income to tuition and hold our breath every month because its so tight.

How is that not called prioritizing tuition?

No I dont live like a pauper but to afford tuition I give up vacations, cleaning help, fleishig suppers, nicer clothing, nicer simchos, home improvement projects, newer cars etc.

Its so mean of people to make blanket statements that we dont prioritize tuition. Its simply a lie to feel like some sort of holier than thou martyr.

amother

Honey

Thu, May 23 2024, 5:26 pm

amother Charcoal wrote:

As per the bolded, so sad that you feel only the wealthy can raise and be home with their children.

Life is about choices. Sometimes you need to choose between being a SAHM and being able to afford a decent chinuch for them in their school years. Some people have to choose between SAHM and crucial therapies for their kids. If schools can’t afford to educate your child, saying “I’m entitled to be a SAHM , you figure it out” isn’t ancreasona answer.

Yes sometimes the wealthy have full time cleaning help and a calmer environment, music and art lessons, trips to Israel, and other amenities. That’s life. The children of those less privileged often grow up just fine or even better.

amother

Junglegreen

Thu, May 23 2024, 5:28 pm

amother Khaki wrote:

You are both working full time and making a combined 110 pretax?
Don’t just say it’s not your personality… sounds like a cop out

Wow, way to put someone down, you owe OP an apology. If it were me, I would burst into tears from this post. There are people with feelings here, you know.

amother

Mint

Thu, May 23 2024, 7:29 pm

Omg 110 combined income is not nothing!! It’s 2 full time salaries that are above average in this country!
It means one of u is making 70 and the other is 40. It’s an accountant at a small firm, someone in sales, a mid level graphic artist married to full time aocial worker, teacher or 3/4 time speech therapist.

It’s crazy that it’s not enough. Not on you 2 very hardworking people to have to make triple that to get by (like the top 1% of the population)
Something’s gotta change and it AINT you

amother

Charcoal

Thu, May 23 2024, 7:39 pm

amother Honey wrote:

I’m all about choices, but sometimes we don’t have a choices. Look how far women have gotten? They HAVE to work.

amother

Hawthorn

Thu, May 23 2024, 7:50 pm

amother Honey wrote:

Life is about choices.

But not everything is a choice.

For the same price, you can say that it's a choice to be frum, it's a choice to have children, it's a choice to eat.

Yes, but no.

Jewish education is not something I chose. Jewish education with all the amenities, costing the majority of my yearly income, is definitely not something I chose.

The same Torah that told me to have these children, feed them expensive kosher food and dress them only in tznius clothing, also tells me how to live my life. And based on my understanding, Hashem does not want me working out of the house for 40 hours a week and putting my youngest kids in childcare (and paying most of what I earn to that) so that I can pay a slightly higher amount of tuition.

amother

Hawthorn

Thu, May 23 2024, 8:04 pm

amother Almond wrote:

Isn't that what the schools expect of us with these crazy high tuition amounts?

Yes and no.

Yes they expect us to earn a full time income, but they also expect us to be available for midday presentations, be able to do dropoff and pickup whether or not there is bussing, have off on every school vacation day, and have time and patience to do hours of homework every night (not be chasing our tails to get dinner on the table and catch up on laundry).

Have your cake and eat it too! Until the table collapses.

amother

Almond

Thu, May 23 2024, 8:06 pm

amother Hawthorn wrote:

So true. But the table is collapsing now and we still get the blame for not doing enough to meet these unrealistic expectations.

amother

Blush

Thu, May 23 2024, 8:22 pm

It's no one's business how much you earn how many hours you work and how much you should work you can't expect from a parent to work full time cook super clean the house do laundry put the kids to sleep go with the kids to the doctor when they don't feel good and the list goes on and on and when you can't make ends meet it's the parents fault how do you even have the guts to say such thing mothers and fathers are not robots controlled by AI that can do and every thing in the same time open your eyes all I can say we don't even make 100k a year combined and we aork our a... s of and live in a small apartment no car no Bungalow no vacation no extra time for ourselves and the school has the chutzpa to ask for fool tuition and run after us like we owe them the world born frum is a fact I cat change it and since we are frum we must send to yeshiva and school because public school is not a option

amother

Ebony

Thu, May 23 2024, 8:24 pm

amother Blush wrote:

Aseres....

boysrus

Fri, May 24 2024, 12:01 am

amother Blush wrote:

What are you trying to say?

I think she's alluding to the fact that your whole post was one long run-on sentence, no punctuation, no periods etc, and therefore not so easy to read .
'Aseres'.... is the beginning of the pasuk "aseres bnei Haman where the guy reading megilas esther then says all those ten names of Haman's sons in one long breath!
your long run on sentence reminded her of that. thats all. (I think)

amother

Puce

Fri, May 24 2024, 1:12 am

amother Honey wrote:

Who are you? Who are you to start making blanket statements like this?

Life isn't black and white. Not everyone can work for various reasons. If you've been on this forum long enough you'll see many other imas writing about how they CANNOT work due to physical or mental issues. Or severe issues with their children RL that requires round the clock attention

Your post reeks of elitism and is quite frankly, grotesque.

ETA
you use the word "entitled" in your post, but the only entitlement I see is you thinking you're entitled enough to make such a sweeping judgemental proclamation about people's lives that you know nothing about.

amother

Honey

Fri, May 24 2024, 1:30 am

amother Puce wrote:

If you are looking for other people to pay for your childrens education because you are disabled or have issues that require you to stay home that is a legitimate tzedaka request. That is something that should be brought up with the school on a one by one basis. Barring unusual circumstances that are legitimate tzedaka needs, there are indeed many lifestyle and material things that are available to wealthy people that might not be available to others. The luxury of being a SAHM may be one of them.

amother

Black

Fri, May 24 2024, 1:54 am

amother OP wrote:

I work ft, my husband works ft.
We try but don't have financial hatzlocha.
It's a personality.
We make a bit over 110k pretax.
We pay 40% of our pretax income on deducted tuition.
We don't buy shaitel. Our cars are 20 years old.
We likely will never buy and our rent is just soaring.
We don't do vacations.
I don't know how we'll ever retire.

40% of our income is called prioritizing. I'm sorry that we can't pay 60% or 70%. But we prioritize other expenses also. Like food. And health insurance. And rent

We're not the only one.
When people accuse me of not prioritizing, it doesn't "light a fire". It makes me give up

Mr administrator, the money doesn't exist. No matter how much our kids Jewish education means to us.

Stop accusing us. And people like us.

No need to excuse why you make that much. You are working full time. Done

My husband and I both work at a school f/t. I'm a teacher and he is not. Together we make just under that.
If the school expects parents to be making more than that overall, they should be paying people more as well.
If they can't, they shouldnt be expecting it from everyone else.
We still pay tuition. Nobody gets in for free.