Stop accusing me of not prioritizing tuition

amother

Hawthorn

Fri, May 24 2024, 2:17 am

amother Honey wrote:

If you are looking for other people to pay for your childrens education because you are disabled or have issues that require you to stay home that is a legitimate tzedaka request. That is something that should be brought up with the school on a one by one basis. Barring unusual circumstances that are legitimate tzedaka needs, there are indeed many lifestyle and material things that are available to wealthy people that might not be available to others. The luxury of being a SAHM may be one of them.

Who gets to decide that SAHM is a luxury? SAHM with no kids home - I hear you. SAHM with baby or toddler home - I don't think that's so clear cut.

Chinuch is something that should be affordable to an average family making an average income. Yes, they may need to sacrifice, but should not have to sacrifice EVERYTHING.

Now you're going to make it an aveira to take a job earning less than $100,000 annually?

notshanarishona

Fri, May 24 2024, 5:48 am

Both parents working full time while having young kids is extremely impractical. You can’t expect everyone to also work at night when kids are sleeping. You need one parent who is only working 9-3:30 to be there when the kids get home but not all part time jobs are equal. You can have a part time job working all the hours your children are taken care of or you can have one for 2 hours a day. I wouldn’t consider working from 9-11 every day full hishtadlus towards paying tuition.

amother

Hawthorn

Fri, May 24 2024, 5:52 am

notshanarishona wrote:

What if a mother has children home all day, children too young to go to school? Should she be forced to put them into childcare so she can get a part-time job to pay more tuition?

And what about a mother who needs the time the kids are in school to take care of laundry and dishes and cooking and straightening up, because her kids are a full-time job when they're home and she is one of those that needs their sleep? So she kills herself to take a 2-hour a day job anyhow but she's not doing enough?

amother

Almond

Fri, May 24 2024, 8:37 am

amother Hawthorn wrote:

Yup. We are not going to provide the proper education, and we arent going to promote higher education, but we run with the expectation that everyone can get a high salary job just like that. And when they don't, it is somehow their fault.

Trademark

Fri, May 24 2024, 8:54 am

amother Honey wrote:

Maybe Klal Yisrael needs dedicated career coaches and guidance counselors to help some of those stuck at the bottom to leverage their talents and increase their income.

The median household income in New York state is about 75,000 and the New Jersey it's about 95,000. It's probably way lower in other states. They are doing great, making above average already. It just that our lifestyle (large families, tuition, kosher food, housing) is very expensive.

Also we have large families how can we expect to maximize income without mothers feeling like they can't catch their breath.

amother

Begonia

Fri, May 24 2024, 9:04 am

amother OP wrote:

The personality thing is my husband.
He's steady, loyal but not ambitious and pushy.
He works ft at a lower paying job. He struggles with mental health struggles and other stuff.
He's a good man. But struggles to support us. But he's hard working and steady.
40 hour a week job making 60k.
Of course I wish he would make more. Be more ambitious. But this is the man I'm married to.

For me, I work in a daycare from 8-4 for 50k but I get my baby for free and my toddler free aftercare.
So in reality, I'm worth more.
I don't count those calculations into my tuition cheshbon.

I hear you. My husband works full time and makes 30k. What can I do? He so t change jobs….
I work 2 jobs and still make around 110k jointly.
I don’t see myself ever moving from my shoebox….

amother

Begonia

Fri, May 24 2024, 4:36 pm

So much disgustingness on this thread maybe better not to send to a frum school….
Did you ever learn in your frum school that hashem decides how much h money people have?
I’m glad you are working and affording tuition but wait because the “galgal chozer baolam “ and check back in here in a few years.
Do you know other peoples life? Circumstances? Responsibility? Expenses?
Gross…

amother

Poinsettia

Fri, May 24 2024, 5:29 pm

amother Peru wrote:

This is geared to a modern orthordox crowd - but I believe that his proposal ( with lower numbers because our tuiton already is much less then modern orthordox schools) can be a real solution

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4CfbS8t4Po

can you summarize please

amother

Puce

Sat, May 25 2024, 9:22 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

Yeah these threads always devolve into such nastiness. It's usually the same few horrible points regurgitated, ad nauseum, over and over again.

"it's the fault of people in kollel!! If only they'd go to work then they wouldn't be a burden to society!"

"maybe don't have so many kids if you can't afford tuition!"

"YOU are the problem for not prioritizing tuition. It's solely you're responsibility no matter what hardships or other financial obligations you are currently facing!"

Etc etc.

While these sentiments aren't uncommon around here, they shock me every time.

amother

Hawthorn

Sat, May 25 2024, 11:58 pm

amother Poinsettia wrote:

can you summarize please

I read part of the transcript.

A few of his points:

- Tuition, since R' Yehoshua ben Gamla, is a communal obligation.

- A person is supposed to give 20%, not 10% of their income to tzedakah.

- He recommends the system of EVERY FAMILY AND INDIVIDUAL paying $20,000 (or a number tied to property tax) annually to create our own Yeshiva "voucher" system so the obligation is not solely on the families with young children to pay $100,000 each year they have multiple kids in school. Obviously you need to set up rules and checks and balances so it is not abused, and there is no real way to enforce it, but overall there is a fair assumption that Jews are honest and want to do the right thing. (Cheaters always gonna cheat, but those are the ones that would weasel their way out of tuition anyhow, and there is a G-d.)
Or, in short, spread out the costs over time and over more people.

- We need to work on our level of materialism as a society.

yachnabobba

Sun, May 26 2024, 9:11 am

amother OP wrote:

Op I have no answers about the tuition thing… but I would like to commend you speaking so kindly and warmly about your husband.. the haters will hate but you win because you sound like the wife of a very lucky man.