Using Sons Bar Mitzvah money to pay for his sefarim....

freidasima

Sat, Sep 13 2008, 3:40 pm

I've also heard this being somuch al shulchan of his parents.
However in terms of the problem for the future, maybe after you put out the money this year you can qualify with him what will be next year. Maybe speak to him now about investing the money as he will be expected to help with the sifrei kodesh that will become his and be in his library for him and his future children. It is a wonderful thing when parents can buy children sforim but when they can't and yeshiva tuition is so high, children should be taught to help.

You can still teach for next year. And mention that he had an ipod from that money already so it's not as if he isn't enjoying it. It's also part of chinuch and explain and im yirtzeh Hashem when he becomes older and you may have a better financial situation you will be able to help him more when the time comes, for marriage and the future.

It's part of responsibility. And that isn't a "dirty word", even when it means that kids have to help cover their own expenses. There are families where this is expected even, especially in EY...

ora_43

Sat, Sep 13 2008, 4:04 pm

I think it's fine to ask him to help.

You aren't asking him to give over all of his bar mitzva money, you're asking for 25% of what's left after he bought himself an ipod. And it's not like you're taking it for yourselves, or to support his siblings, it's for him to get something that be"h he will own and use for many years.

Halachically, I think it might be worse to borrow money you don't know how you can repay (credit cards) than to ask a 13-year-old to pay for his own books. IMO it's worth asking a rabbi. I assume you wouldn't be taking the money without his permission, but rather asking him to do it himself.

Personally, I think contributing to your own education is good chinuch. By making a sacrifice for his own chinuch, albeit a relatively small one, your son will take his education a bit more seriously (not saying he doesn't take it seriously now, but there's nothing like sacrificing for something to make you appreciate it even more) and treat his sefarim well.

Finally, remember that any request you make of your son, if that's what you choose to do, will be for his own good. It's good for him to help his parents, it's a mitzva to loan money (if you decide to take now and pay him back later) especially to family, and it's great to buy sefarim and use them for learning. Even though the ideal would be if you were blessed with enough money that you could easily buy for him (imy"h next year that will be the case), it's not like buying his own books or loaning you the money would be bad for him, the opposite.

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 10:09 am

You are a family unit struggling finacially. Why shouldnt a bar mitzva bachor know the financial situation and be asked to contribute to purchase of HIS seforim(as far as I know when my brothers got married they took the sets of seforim that were "theirs"(purchased by parents) to their own home) .? Teaching children and young adults responsibility and helping out in a family is vital.

Motek

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 1:17 pm

amother wrote:

A possible reason is that in today's day and age, some people think that it's more important that children feel secure, that children not worry where the money is going to come from for rent and food etc. If a child is told that his parents don't even have the money for his schoolbooks, that can be cause for great anxiety. It's not like the child can leave school and go to work to support his family which is what happened generations ago.