daily morning tantrum

amother

Fri, Sep 12 2008, 11:26 am

I dont know what to do with my beloved 4 year old, who is bli ayin hara extremely smart, really knows how to get her way and manipulate me, and has been throwing tantrums every day this week when it is time to get dressed for school.
this is not a new problem I alwayd have this with her. I've used bribery, I make up getting dressed songs, I've sent her to playgroup in pjs, I just dont know what to do. I hate that she starts her day off with a tantrum, it must be dampening her day although her morning van driver and teacher say she is fine and happy. seh has time in the mornign to relax we aren't rushed. what am I doing wrong????
when I am not home, my housekeeper says seh gets dressed no problem with her, only when I'm around is there an issue.
WHY, WHY WHY? I am so frustrated, I wish I had a solution for her to be happy and get dressed normally. anyone else have this????

zigi

Fri, Sep 12 2008, 11:32 am

yes! dd wakes up cranky, she freaks out b/c I asked her to go to the bathroom. doesn't want to wear underwear wants only bananas for breakfast....... she only acts up with dh and me. I guess she feels secue to let her anger out around us. I have to tell her to calm down, and then she gets over it.

MamaBear

Wed, Sep 24 2008, 11:02 pm

I know this was asked over a week ago...but I have the same problem with my kids. Every day it's torture getting them dressed and going. My only suggestions is getting them to bed 15 minutes earlier and waking them up 15 minutes earlier. Ds knows when I'm rushing him and it negatively affects his behavior. And during the summer we were never in a rush but now that school has begun I'm always at top speed in the morning.

A friend of mine now sends her son to ds' school and has seen what I deal with every morning...both my kids are huge on the tantrums (ages 4 1/2 and 2 1/2). The full out on the ground kind. Today I glared and said, "If anyone ever dares say my kids are easy, you can now honestly tell them what I go through every day."

Everything lately is a tantrum, a huge struggle, with both my boys. Not sure exactly what is up with that. They're not the same age but seem to be at a similar stage. A stage that I'm hoping will pass quickly. Good luck...

ShakleeMom

Wed, Sep 24 2008, 11:08 pm

My 3 year old does this when I dress her – she turns to jelly and wiggles out of my grasp and suddenly she’s flat on her bed all naked. I started telling her, “mommy came to dress you and I am only trying once. If you don’t stand still I will walk away”. I walked away three days in a row. Today, when I am in mid sentence she jumps to attention. B’h I persevered.

ShakleeMom

Wed, Sep 24 2008, 11:14 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

get them into school clothes before bed. when they wake up you don't have to dress them!

And feed them the night before too…. Mad

MamaBear

Wed, Sep 24 2008, 11:20 pm

My husband is generally only around 2 or 3 mornings the whole month (he usually works 6 days a week and generally is at shul whenever he's not at work in the morning). But the rare times he's home he can't believe how hard it is to get the kids going. I usually just smirk and say "See!?!?" because, to someone who doesn't do it regularly it doesn't seem like it should be this hard...

And ds doesn't have to be at school til 9 b/c it's a separate pre-k (older grades begin earlier, right?). When he's in regular school next year, I'm assuming we'll have to be out the door before 8. With g-d willing, a baby in tow, too. I'm already nervous and I have 11 months to prepare. I'm such not a morning person - I guess I know where ds gets it from.

amother

Wed, Sep 24 2008, 11:38 pm

OP here:
thanks you every one for your advice!!! so I started putting my DD into her room every time she started to go nuts. I just let her know that she can scream in her room and when she is done she can come back to be with me and other dd. I did this consistenly for 3-4 days and tantrums stopped. BTW, she also had tantrums throughout day, unpredictable reasons, so it was more than just in the morning getting ready. also, my DH made sure to come home after minyan those 1st 2 days of major disciplining so that it would be easier 4 me. B"H teh tantrujms have really lessened and she is such a pleasure once again!!! seh still tries to avois getting dressed but not as much and we usually do things in a timely fashion, and she almost always has time to play b4 the school van comes!!!!

cubbie

Wed, Sep 24 2008, 11:51 pm

Is there something else going on that she's tantruming before school? Maybe speak to the teacher and find out if she's being bullied or if something is making her unhappy there?
Have you tried letting her pick out her clothes or does that get her worse?
If there is nothing more to it, then you just need to get tough with yourself and ignore the tantrum so she sees it doesn't get her any attention, ask her "are you going to get dressed yourself or am I going to dress you?" If she doesn't answer, dress her and pretend to yourself that she's not tantruming.

zigi

Thu, Sep 25 2008, 10:18 am

dd threw a really nice one the other day! she woke up so grouchy! sometimes there is no reason but waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

mamabear so true! I had to get them out of the house by myself every morning, I was also running to the bathroom to throwup. and if I would move I would need to throw up. dc teacher said your not the only one who has to get kids to school. I b'h have 3 challenging kiddies to get ready also to top it off morning sickness doesn't help at all!

some one told me I don't know how you do it every morning, it helps to know that it really isn't an easy job. especially when you have a kid freaking out for no reason!

chanagital

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 2:45 pm

sometimes less is more... the more you pay attention to your tanterming kid the more they get their way for the most part cause most pple give into the tantrum.. then kids don't know it isn't acceptable they just keep on getting their ways in essence most tantermers have learned this behavior gets them what they want so they do it over and over again. Start ignoring tantrums and they start to disapear. Do what you say and say what you mean and no one will argue at least not the children...(other parents might have issues seeing your kid upset...etc... but realize no one in this world always gets their way the sooner children learn this the better they are to deal with disapointment later.)

amother

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 3:19 pm

OP here:

well she has a uniform so she cant really pick what to wear, just which tights or shirt.

the teacher tells me she is very happy in school, gets along well with peers and teachers, no problems. the mom who drives the van also told me she socializes and is very happy.

I think being off schedule causes it. now after yom tov with 1/2 days and no school every other day and we are going away now for 2 weeks, so again this mornign she had a tantrum getting dressed so I just left her home with the babysitter. its the first time I left her home because of not gettign dressed when I tell her and throwing a fit so I hoped she learned. but she played with kids in the neighborhood and was very happy and jolly when I came home, and the babysitter told me she only cried for 3 minutes after I left. then again, the babysitter did lwt her wear a bathing suit under her clothes, and I didnt. oh well, I guess we will se how things play out over yom tov every time we need to get dressed!!!