How do you react when pple comment on # of kids?

life'sgreat

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 3:27 pm

energy11 wrote:

Just so you know, "quality versus quantity" is an american slogan created after the feminist earthquake which caused women to work equal hours such as their male co-workers, therefore causing their kids to be in daycare, or afternoon program.
This is a made-up slogan just to clear up the conscience of working, or carreer-oriented mothers.

Actually, no. Quality vs quantity is something we are taught about in Jewish life. If you don't have time to daven all the Tefillos, daven a little, but with kavono instead of just bumbling through the Tefillos. So too with other things.

energy11 wrote:

(Of course, our job as parents is to educate our children to Middos and Derech Erets, but it is NOT done in one day!

What you wrote above about middos and derech eretz not happening in a day isn't the same as what you wrote before that:

energy11 wrote:

Chayamom,

It is one thing to be happy with what you have, and another to critisize others that have more than you!
So what if our big families have kids acting wild? Even terribly wild?
SO WHAT?
At least they're alive!!!
They might be wild for a few years, and yes, maybe we don't have enough time for each one of them, granted! But in a few years they will turn into beautiful adults, just sit and watch! I have seen it so many times!!
What we need is precious Neshamos to come down on earth and bring mashiach! Don't you know?
It is basic Judaism wherever walk of life you come from...
We all need as many kids as possible, wild or not wild. Please let each family unit decide according to their capacity, and maybe their Rav.

At least they're alive, and deprived because their mother doesn't manage and barely surviving every day. Oh, and they're vilde chayos that run amok and do whatever they want, but one day, if you just sit back and let them 'grow up', they will be beautiful adults.

Sorry sweetie. That might happen in some fantasy world, but in reality, parents need to teach their kids, and it's not about wild or not wild. It's nurturing that's the issue.

life'sgreat

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 3:30 pm

chayamommy wrote:

Seriously, I think so many people on this website are off the deep end with their chumras and misinterpretations of Torah. I am definitely in the wrong place. In my short time here I have read about women in abusive relationships who don't want to humiliate their husbands by telling their Rav or leave. I have read threads about shaved heads and thinking it's assur to sleep with their heads uncovered. Now I'm reading that it's good to produce kids no matter what just to produce. Bye-bye imamother. I have better things to do with my time.
ChayaMommy

Chayamommy - forums are like that. You have every walk of life on this forum and it's about discussing it. Stick around. It's fun.

energy11 wrote:

What big mistake am I making?
You are twisting my words and I find it quite offensive, to tell you the truth! Do you think that mothers of large families like myself just "spout out" our beautiful beloved and precious children? Do you think we do not raise them? Newsflash, we do raise them and work very hard on it, probably harder than you could ever imagine! Shame on you, as you are no different than all the others quoted above in this thread, judging us, critisizing us and making hurtful comments. And you are what exactly..." oh, right, the worlds best mom".
I will give you the only possible KAF SCHUT, you are probably jaleous to death...

Beloved, beautiful and precious children that have mothers that have gone off the deep end because they can't manage (I'm not saying this is everyone, but that it can happen sometimes) don't turn out to be beloved beautiful and precious. They turn out to be wounded souls.

And frankly, your last two lines are immature.

the world's best mom

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 3:34 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

energy11 wrote:

I would have commented on that last line, but I'm not sure what Kaf Schut means. Anyway, if I was jealous of your many wild children, I would stop taking bc.

the world's best mom

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 3:37 pm

energy11 wrote:

Here is the twist:

I said "maybe we don't have enough time for each one"

and you think I said:

"we don't have time for them"

twisted as a bagel!

I'm sorry, but when you say, "Maybe we don't have enough time for each one of them, granted," that pretty much means you don't have enough time for each one of them. You are granting us the right to assume that.

energy11

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 4:27 pm

I'm glad someone is enjoying it, because frankly, I am NOT.

There is no end to the arrogance, criticism and the judgmental nastiness matched only to the repulsive derogatory tone of your above comments.

Isn't that forum supposed to be about friendship and support?

Above posters, GUESS WHAT?
There is worse than being deprived of your mother's time!
Do you know what it is?
It is having a mother deprived of empathy, tolerance, and love for others.

And while our libedik "wilde chayas" children grow-up to be beautiful people, inside and out, generous givers, filled with admiration for their hard working parents, loving people and loving children,
yours turn-out to be the arrogant and pathetic copycats of yourselves: celf-centered "Mr. and Mrs. Right", knows-it-all, selfish, judgemental, bitter and repulsive.

GOOD LUCK!!!

the world's best mom

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:06 pm

Hodu Lashem wrote:

Also, the whole idea that a large family = children who are not well-cared for, is a false presumption. I know so many families that do an amazing job with their 10+ children (kah) and some mothers who are overwhelmed with 3 or 4. It is all individual, and pple should not make over-generalizations regarding this.

I hope I didn't sound like I disagree with this. I do know families with many kids who do a great job raising them. However I know many who I feel could be doing a better job if they would give themselves as break for a couple of years.

the world's best mom

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:08 pm

energy11 wrote:

Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you are not being selfish, judgemental, bitter or repulsive?
The only rude posts I've seen on this thread were yours. All of yours.

life'sgreat

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:34 pm

energy11 wrote:

ChayaMommy, if you are still here, this is for you.

Coming from someone who judges little children, criticizes their chutspa and condemn their very own existence, I would of hope to see better character traits than the ones you are showing us here.

Your arrogance and lack of tolerance are not exactly respectful towards the women of this forum.

You might be looking for the perfect world, but we are all human, you see.

And the world is NOT going to be a better place as long as there are people like you, lacking kindness, tolerance and respect. In one word, Ahavat Israel.

OMG! Did you just say all of the above???? [rubs eyes in disbelief]

energy11 wrote:

Here is the twist:

I said "maybe we don't have enough time for each one"

and you think I said:

"we don't have time for them"

twisted as a bagel!

Bagels are twisted??? Last I checked they were round.

momto1

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:36 pm

ChayaMommy:
As a child of a large family (10+) I'd just like to let you know that we (my siblings and I)are all happy well-rounded adults. My parents definitely gave us all that we needed. And saying that yeshivish kids had bad middos only cuz they are from large families sounds funny to me. You mean kids with 1-2 siblings behave any better?? I don't agree. I think it depends more on what kind of people the parents are than how many kids they have. And about letting a kid "cry it out" - I have one and the only reason I finally did it was because his pediatrician pushed it. She kept on telling me it's for the kid not for you.

All that said, if you feel you can't handle it I have no issue with that. So why would you have an issue with other ppl's choices?

life'sgreat

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:37 pm

energy11 wrote:

[note: when you look through a thesaurus to find a good word, you don't need to use all the words they list.]

And the bolded is crass.

FYI, I never ever judge if someone wants to have a million kids. Really, I think it's beautiful if the parents manage. What I disagree with is Energy11's attitude. That's all.

chaylizi

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:40 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you are not being selfish, judgemental, bitter or repulsive?The only rude posts I've seen on this thread were yours. All of yours.

Energy's posts might be judgmental, but so were ChayaMommy's. She posted that since something is not in her experience, she doesn't understand how or why it can work. She then proceeded to judge every large family by the couple of vilde chaya students she has. That isn't right either. Especially not on a support thread for people who get rude comments because they have large families. C'mon, call a spade a spade. This thread was not the venue for her comments.

Hodu Lashem

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:44 pm

momto1 wrote:

Thank you for this post.

And to get back on topic: momto1, did you hear pple making comments regarding the size of your family while growing up? (I assume so.) How did your parents handle it?

the world's best mom

Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:46 pm

I went back and read her first post. She did say that she knows it's not all moms of big families.

chayamommy wrote:

This is not to say that some can do it and do it beautifully (kol hakavod!) but I have to wonder for the vast majority.

Again, this is not directed at all (or even most people), but just something to think about.

And, yes, for the record, I AM jealous of those women who can handle a large family well and also have time for themselves for their sanity and personal growth (but I have a hard time seeing how this is done!).

Her other points may have come out more strongly, but these were there also. I don't see what was so rude about that post. Her next one may have been a little more so.

Last edited by the world's best mom on Thu, Jan 14 2010, 5:49 pm; edited 1 time in total