I’m your child’s therapist and deserve some recognition

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 5:32 am

When I was younger and had less on my head and more in the bank I had the luxury of being the 'uncomplicated' parent (ewwwww.... so judgy) and tipping every preschool teacher, aid and therapist.
Today I have much more going on and so much less in the bank, I am every bit 'complicated' these days. every tip I give is literally going to be instead of something I wanted or needed to buy for the family. I don't see how giving a tip, after paying you nice money, is priority over buying my kids donuts or replacing my daughters broken glasses.
Of course I say thank you and really appreciate you when I see the great stuff you do. But if you expect anything beyond that, please let me know when we start our work together so that I can find somebody else to work with.
Putting therapist and deserve in the same sentence, is to me an indication that you are no real therapist after all.

amother

Azure

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 6:16 am

So here is the question. Are we talking about a private pay therapist or one assigned though the DOE or some other agency who you are not paying. Is this someone you selected and are paying for weekly out of pocket, or a service you are receiving, free of charge to you. Because not only is there a difference in the consumers expense but there is also a significant difference in pay scale. As we have stated over and over again on other threads, you charge 3x as much when it is private as you get paid when working for an agency.
I would not think to provide a tip or expected to receive a tip from a private patient/client, but I would with a service I was getting or giving at no cost to the customer. It could easily be just a card. Just a simple card which just says much appreciation, thank you so much, wishing you and your family the best..... nothing even personalized or fancy.
Just show some Hakarat hatov. People here are so bitter and entitled. It hurts them to say thank you. It’s really sad.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 7:08 am

I am repulsed by this thread. We dont work for bonuses and tips unless we are waiters. those of us that work with children, especially those with SN should stop with the expectations and need to be acknowledged. I personally appreciate a simple thank you rather than when parents spend money on me. Tips are nice but its nauseating when its expected.

cbsp

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 7:18 am

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

Why is it any concern of the provider whether or not the parent is paying anything out of pocket? There's nothing free in life, the money is coming from somewhere... Why is everyone so focused on the other person's wallet?

The word "just" in any context that expects something from another person turns my stomach. It completely minimizes the other person's position without taking anything into account. Have you even bothered to read some of the parent responses here?

Lastly, calling the parents "entitled" in a thread with the word "deserve" in it is a bit ironic, don't you think?

amother

Plum

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 8:56 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

This. Every time I see this thread I get frustrated again.

Or it makes me think that the therapist still possesses some level of immaturity. Expecting gifts and tips, and feeling that you deserve tangible acknowledgement for your work, is not really a characteristic of a well-settled adult.

watergirl

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:00 am

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

This.

The use of the word "tip" when referring to a rebbe, teacher, therapist, etc. is so off. I cringe every time I see it. It's so degrading.

I am thankful that when I was a teacher, all of the schools I worked at did not allow the parents to give any kind of gift of any form to the staff/faculty. All gifts were from the PTA and the funds came right off our tuition. It was amazing. No hard feelings from the teachers to the students, and no hard feelings from the parents who felt they HAD to give.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:19 am

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

We have 20 minute conversations with you because otherwise your one hour a week with my kid will be a waste of time. The teachers see my child all day, they get a feel for her and what her weaknesses are. You don't. By the time you've figured out what she's progressed in this week, your time is over.

I'm sorry, you're right, it's much more prep time. But that's the nature of what you go through.

Actually, I understand most of my students way better than their teachers do. In my school, the teachers do not have degrees, and most of them don't understand anything about language based learning disabilities, about the different ways students process information, the different ways students can express knowledge, etc etc A big part of what I do is spend hours advocating for my students and speaking with teachers to show them ways they can accommodate the students in the classroom and modify the work to meet their needs. I have a specific method and book that I follow that I zero in on strengths and weaknesses much better than teachers do.

For younger children, it is not uncommon for the teacher to be puzzled about some things related to the child and then come to me for clarification. As speech therapist we have training and skills that enable us to figure out things much better than teachers

amother

Yellow

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:31 am

There is nothing wrong with the therapist feeling overlooked. She is not entitled that during a season of gifts and tips she was unacknowledged. It is hurtful. I say that as a therapist and a parent. As a therapist I tried not to care but since I remember how touched I was by each card or gift- I will never not tip kids teachers or therapists. Yes it can be hard fir me but I would rather spend less on groceries that month and use that money for tips. It is that important for a therapist (who does not always have the easiest job in a school system) to feel appreciated. It does not have to be money, it can be a 2 dollar mug packaged nicely or a donut with a card. the point is hakaras hatov. I agree with the op that when parents call you on your own time and then completely forget to ever send anything in by chanuka or purim it just doesnt feel very good. humans by human nature want to feel appreciated- no reason to attack the therapists on here. of course if some people are genuinely struggling that is obviously different. but if out of 22 cases only 3 gave something that does indicate a poor attitude from the parent body.

Mommyg8

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:46 am

I'm a bit puzzled by this thread.

The first few posts seemed to imply that it's not about the money, it's about the hakaros hatov, recognition, etc. but that didn't last long - the last few pages seem to be about how little or how much therapists get paid. So is it about the money or isn't it???

If it's about the money, then that's very sad, because in all honesty, a $10 giftcard, a cookbook or a cookie platter is really not enough supplementation if you really feel that you are not getting paid enough.

PSA to therapists - if you don't like the pay you are getting, feel free to find another job. It's not anyone's fault that you are not getting paid enough, as presumably salary is discussed before you accept the job, and you accepted it.

To let out your frustration about not getting the pay you think you should have gotten or that you think you deserve, on the families you service, is just not ok. I am sorry.

Mommyg8

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:49 am

I think that if OP would have worded it a bit differently in the beginning - as you may have forgotten to give hakaros hatov to your child's therapist as they commonly get lost in the shuffle - the reaction might have been different.

But the word "deserve", along with the implication that they "owe" you money - aka a Chanuka tip, just rubs me the wrong way.

amother

Yellow

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:50 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

no
you are missing the point
the point is everyone should try to remember to show hakaras hatov and be mindful that perhaps therapists dont make that much and dont have the easiest job. the therapists are not counting the tips towards income 🙄 is it so hard to show appreciation that people on here have to fight about it? its basic manners.

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:56 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

How many times a year am I supposed to show appreciation? Chanuka, purim, end of the year....am I missing anything?
Do you see how odd that sounds? I show appreciation how and when I can. I’m sorry if that doesn’t fit into the therapist’s idea of how and when she should be appreciated.

Mommyg8

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:58 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

When you give your OB a little present or thank you note, are you thinking that they are not making that much money? Is that the issue?

If it's not about the money, then don't make it about the money. Please don't bring up how much therapists are paid or not paid. If that's not really the point.

Last edited by Mommyg8 on Mon, Dec 21 2020, 11:08 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Yellow

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:59 am

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

once a year is more than enough! but make sure not to ignore the therapist all year. unless there are extenuating circumstances thats just not very nice. why do people on here need to fight about this? It is so basic. do it for your kid so the teacher, therapist etc has a little extra motivation to work just a bit more enthusiastically. it is so basic.

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 10:06 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

So once a year, but if I wait till the end then she doesn’t feel appreciated. If it’s only chanuka, she doesn’t feel appreciated the other times. As a parents, you can’t win.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 10:09 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Hakarat hatov can come at anytime. The Chanukah and Purim tips for teachers are usually given under the premise of teaching children Torah.

She could have just said all the other staff members are leavimg the building with arms full of gifts and I feel left out.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 10:34 am

I responded in the beginning of the thread. I do think this thread is a little bit ridiculous. That being said, now that everyone's talking about notes they write to the teachers. What I do is, is by purim time, I give them a mishloach manos with a cookbook in it. I have a nice poem that I write with it. My kids all have to write their own personal note to their teachers at that point. (I do have them get creative with it, they use color paper, markers, glue, glitter, and whatever else they want to make the note for their teacher) My younger kids were too young to write, color pictures for their teachers, and I write in a dear teacher Love child's name.
By Chanukah, I give whatever the school asks for, for the teachers. The only one I tipped separately was the rebbe since that wasn't included in the school tip. I did give the rebbe a pretty nice tip. ($100 with a note) I also had to give the teacher who takes them out everyday to learn chumash.

When my son got speech therapy, I give the same cookbook in the mishloach manos And my son
colored his own personal note to her. He did have her for a few years, and I do not remember if I gave her every year or not.

it's not really something that should be expected, it's nice to get but definitely should not be something you expect from a parent

I don't expect my clients to give me gifts and this entitlement in this thread is disgusting.
Actually in the industry I work, I send out gifts to certain people quite a few times a year we never get gifts back.

amother

Gray

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 11:10 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

PSA to therapists - if you don't like the pay you are getting, feel free to find another job. It's not anyone's fault that you are not getting paid enough, as presumably salary is discussed before you accept the job, and you accepted it.

To let out your frustration about not getting the pay you think you should have gotten or that you think you deserve, on the families you service, is just not ok. I am sorry.

Exactly. Now I’m wondering if my child’s in school therapists feel the same way.

I used to work in the same agency they do and this was never a thing. None of us expected anything. A chocolate bar was generous. Once in a while we’d get a $10 gift card.