Separate Seating? | Imamother

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Succos

Separate Seating?

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

DefyGravity

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 12:19 pm

Especially if your parents live in another state and the only time you see them is on Pesach and Sukkos!

mimsy7420

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 12:26 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

Especially if your parents live in another state and the only time you see them is on Pesach and Sukkos!

And especially since we live in such a busy generation, yomtov everyone has to drop everything else and spend time with each other.

mimsy7420

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 12:40 pm

ceo wrote:

only1 wrote:

SaraG wrote:

Yomtov isn't about family togetherness and all of that. It's about being mekayim HaShem's mitzvos!

If things happen at different times or in different places, so be it.

It is about commemorating the mitzvah as a family. What kind of chinuch is that for little girls if they are always sent inside?

SaraG,

!

They are being mchanech that men have a mitzvah to eat in the Sukkah and women don't. What's wrong with that? Let me tell you, this should be the worst of our problems with chinuch habanos.

you don't think there's anything positive in eating as a family in a sukkah, and not filling up your sukkah so full that women and men have to eat seperately? My fondest memories are of having singoffs with the sukkah next door, and spending time in the sukkah with my family. Obviously it's a part of life that there are certain mitzvos for men and certain mitzvos for women, but I just think that the power of family togetherness is nothing to be underestimated.

DefyGravity

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 12:48 pm

A lot of people are saying that holidays are about having guests, and it's more inportant to have orchim then the family eating together. However, if I was a guest in this situation, I'd be really annoyed if I found out that I'd be separated from my husband during the meal.

Some guests would rather not be guests in this situation.

chocolate moose

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 1:16 pm

Defy, then maybe those people should stay home. I would think it's pretty hard to be a guest and start dictating what should be.

DefyGravity

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 1:19 pm

I'd like to be told in advance that DH and I will be eating separately, so that I'll know to decline the invite. I think that most people assume they'll be eating in the same room as their spouse unless told otherwise.

mimsy7420

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 2:35 pm

SaraG wrote:

Defy, then maybe those people should stay home. I would think it's pretty hard to be a guest and start dictating what should be.

Is that a joke?

chocolate moose

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 2:52 pm

No, it's not.

If people don't want to sit separately, and they know it's an option, they they should eat in their own home or sukkah.

mimsy7420

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 3:11 pm

SaraG wrote:

Defy, then maybe those people should stay home. I would think it's pretty hard to be a guest and start dictating what should be.

Well this, contradicts this...

Quote:

With you on this, SaraG.
If you live in a community where there are many orchim for Yom Tov ( or, unfortunately, many people without their own Sukkah or a family to celebrate with), than part of the Simchas Yom Tov is making sure that they are not alone for Yom Tov.
The chinuch for our daughters ( and sons) is to see that on Yom Tov, we are an extended family, and the simchah of others matters as much to us as our own-- or more. And that our experience and joy as a family is strengthened when we are thinking of the needs of others.

chocolate moose

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 3:13 pm

I don't think it contradicts.

mimsy7420

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 3:16 pm

Well either the needs of guests are the first thing on your mind, or they aren't.
You can't be guest orientated, and then say too bad if they have a simple request of sitting together.

chocolate moose

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 4:09 pm

The "need to sit together" is less of a need than the need to "be tsnious" or the need for a man to eat in a sukkah!

mimsy7420

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 4:20 pm

SaraG wrote:

The "need to sit together" is less of a need than the need to "be tsnious" or the need for a man to eat in a sukkah!

Well that's the point, those needs don't have to be in competition. There's no reason for that.

chocolate moose

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 4:23 pm

Says..........YOU !

mimsy7420

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 4:23 pm

YUP

Says me.

realeez

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 7:53 pm

Who are the guests that are causing the family to be divided into male and female camps? Are they guests who have no succah to eat in otherwise or are they some local friends who could be equally happy eating in their own succah but hey, since you invited them - why not come?! BIG DIFFERENCE - especially in terms of chinuch! If your kids grow up that their parents have to have so many guests JUST to outdo the "Kohnses" and because of that the family gets divided it is very different from your children getting the message that you want to make sure that everyone has a Succah to eat in and we must go out of our way to do this.

only1 wrote:

YUP
Says me.

rofl!

IBR

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 8:31 pm

Ladies you know can we have one thread that doesn't get a little argumentative. Different people and different families have different priorities. Right? Ok so if in one family the man sit outside in the sukkah no matter how hard it rains ok and if in another family not also ok. Each family(Husband and wife) have to decide and if you have guests who are not very frum or just starting you might want to let them know about separate sitting if you know in advance cause to them it might make a difference. Please ladies just advice. The person who started the thread prob did not mean for it to start arguing. (Sorry Sara G, I like you a lot but sometimes some thigs have to withheld for the sake of shalom).
PLEASE DON'T BASH ME FOR THIS!
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!

chocolate moose

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 8:32 pm

Aw, IBR, I like you too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

morningstar

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 8:49 pm

Mommyabc123 brings up a relevant distinction.. there ar people we invite who would be perfectly capable of doing Sukkos at home.. and perhaps, in those cases, one can make a case that families should just stay home and celebrate Sukkos themselves, especially if it might cause some crowding that makes it impossible for everyone to eat together in the sukkah.

On the other hand, it is hard to make a religious case for not inviting guests when the guests have no other sukkah to go to ( or would otherwise be denied basic simchas yom tov).

Only 1, there is a big difference between accommodating a guests need for a sukkah and accommodating a guests desire to tell you their preferred seating arrangements.The host has the obligation to extend the invitation to those who need one; the guest can choose to accept or reject the invitation, but not to dictate the set-up at the host's home.

Many things work this way-- we have an obligation to feed the hungry, but we don't have an obligation to make potato knishes with mushroom sauce and lemon meringue pie for dessert just because that is what the hungry person would like eat. There is no contradiction here. The fact that I am unwilling to run a restaurant does not mean I am not interesting in feeding the hungry.

Mama Bear

Wed, Oct 04 2006, 9:31 pm

My father has an ushpizin during chol hamoed. Kenaina hora, our family has grown a lot, we now have 3 married couples and 7 grandchildren. There is no longer room for all of us to sit in the sukkah. I dont think I"ll mind eating in the adjoining room near the sukkah and then joining everyone during the after-meal singing/shmoozing.

My in laws KEH have 12 children (8 married) and 35 grandchildren. When everyone comes over for my FIl's ushpizin there's still room in the sukkah!!! But I wouldnt care if I had to sit insside.

Page 2 of 5

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next