I am so upset! adults hitting, shouting at etc. children

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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chaylizi

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 10:57 am

amother wrote:

I hit and scream at my kids but dont think thats called abuse. I am trying to raise them right.
I have had kids come to me and hit and kick and their mothers would very calmly tell the kids please dont do it. What do you think? They wouldnt do it again? I have had kids throw down and ruin things from my store and the mother again calmly said dont do it. (of course they didnt pay for the items and this is not an isolated case) This is how I disipline my kids and dont need anyone judging or telling me otherwise. I love my kids alot more then you love them. I just want them to grow up be kind and respectful to others.

well two wrongs don't make 1 right. Just b/c the mothers who calmly told their kids not to do something didn't show the proper way to go about things & make them apologize to you and pay for the item damaged, doesn't mean that hitting and screaming at your kids is right either. Hitting & screaming is one thing but doing it b'shita is what I don't quite understand. You have no other way to deal with things other than losing control? Really if you were so secure in your position that you are doing the right thing, you would have posted your parenting ideas under your own name to try & convince the rest of us that this is the way to go. But it seems that you are really too afraid of what the rest of us think about your position & can't really stand up to others' arguments. In any case- I don't agree that hitting & screaming at children make them listen more. But I concede that every child is different & discipline that works for one kid may not work for others. That's more open than you are anyway.

gryp

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 10:58 am

How about if all those billboards advertising cigarettes and alcoholic drinks were replaced with: Don't beat your kids. Don't beat your wives.
Rolling Eyes

Clarissa

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:04 am

GR wrote:

How about if all those billboards advertising cigarettes and alcoholic drinks were replaced with: Don't beat your kids. Don't beat your wives.
Rolling Eyes

There are billboards and ads about abuse all over the place. As we can see by this thread, people who abuse make all sorts of excuses that make it sound as if they're not abusing. So people seeing the billboards would probably say, "But that's not what I'm doing. I just discipline."

gryp

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:13 am

I'm going to be tarred and feathered for this, but to tell you the truth I don't think that amother's post is real.

chaylizi

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:14 am

GR wrote:

I'm going to be tarred and feathered for this, but to tell you the truth I don't think that amother's post is real.

far from tarring & feathering. I'm going to join your camp. I really hope it isn't real. I truly hope not.

justanothermother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:15 am

**deleted because I thought this was in a private forum**

Last edited by justanothermother on Fri, Apr 11 2008, 10:45 am; edited 1 time in total

gryp

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:19 am

chaylizi wrote:

GR wrote:

I'm going to be tarred and feathered for this, but to tell you the truth I don't think that amother's post is real.

far from tarring & feathering. I'm going to join your camp. I really hope it isn't real. I truly hope not.

Well, not that I'm naive enough to think people don't hit their kids, but there are just too many weird things in that post like "I love my kids more than you love yours."

chaylizi

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:20 am

GR wrote:

chaylizi wrote:

GR wrote:

I'm going to be tarred and feathered for this, but to tell you the truth I don't think that amother's post is real.

far from tarring & feathering. I'm going to join your camp. I really hope it isn't real. I truly hope not.

Well, not that I'm naive enough to think people don't hit their kids, but there are just too many weird things in that post like "I love my kids more than you love yours."

I haven't seen that post, but it sounds scary.

wif

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:20 am

I think perhaps the way that these abusive parents can see whether they are being abusive (there's my opinion of the matter right there, obviously) or whether it's a child-rearing philosophy is this one easy test--

Ask youself, do I lose control? Are you carefully and measuringly "yelling and hitting" or are you venting your anger on your children?

Again, I am against all yelling and hitting, thought-out or not. But if it's a genuine parenting method, just different from my own idea of parenting, I think that by asking yourself the above question, you can be honest with yourself about what you are doing.

wif

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:22 am

GR wrote:

chaylizi wrote:

GR wrote:

I'm going to be tarred and feathered for this, but to tell you the truth I don't think that amother's post is real.

far from tarring & feathering. I'm going to join your camp. I really hope it isn't real. I truly hope not.

Well, not that I'm naive enough to think people don't hit their kids, but there are just too many weird things in that post like "I love my kids more than you love yours."

I think that the poster meant, I love my children more than you love my children, I.e, I know what is best for my family, don't tell me what to do.

justanothermother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:23 am

GR wrote:

Well, not that I'm naive enough to think people don't hit their kids, but there are just too many weird things in that post like "I love my kids more than you love yours."

I read that she loves her kids more than you love her kids therefore she would know better how to discipline them.

Sorry to say, but you could love your kids with all your heart and still be the worst mother out there (not that she is). Loving your children does not automatically qualify you to know how to raise them.

GR, it is sad but true, I have seen it too often, mothers like this are all too real.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:27 am

since we're sharing lovely wal-mart stories...

I was in wal-mart yesterday and my 22 month old was screaming his head off on line. I was standing there and massaging him and trying to comfort him, and this lady in front of me on line called him a brat. I said, "he's not a brat, he's a baby!" I told her she was low class, because only a low class person would call a baby a brat for crying like that.

gryp

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:27 am

I better go read that again, then. Smile

Thanks for notifying me that I read wrong. Once I got past the first few incredible lines, I just skimmed the rest.

mama-star

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:29 am

if you see someone losing control on their kid in a store, like hitting, etc., you can do what that mother did and say "I can see you are having a hard time, can I help..." or just gently try to re-direct their behavior.

gryp

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:30 am

amother wrote:

Okay, I stand corrected. Sorry, amother for disbelieving you.
Amother, the mothers who talk calmly while their kids are being violent are teaching their children by example to be kind and respectful to others.

The mothers who physically hurt their children when they misbehave are teaching their children by example that it is okay to be violent when things don't go your way.

mama-star

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:33 am

I just want to add that parenting styles have changed...it used to be that yidden in europe would use the strap on their children. and many parents in the early to mid 20th century would regularly hit their kids. people wouldn't use the term "abuse" for hitting.

I'm not saying it's right, I don't hit my kids, I'm just pointing out that people in general have become more sensitive to these things (BARUCH HASHEM) and are more quick to use the term "abuse."

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:49 am

Quote:

You DID NOT just write that?!!!!!

u know I ttoally seee how it sounds but really I meant like this:

I live in brooklyn and seriously alot of the blacks here are very abusive and for example my neighbors, the way they talk actually scares me. and I do not want to be spoken to that way. of course there are many many whites and all idff tyopes that are abusive but I am talking about a specific way of talking.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:50 am

Quote:

just want to add that parenting styles have changed...it used to be that yidden in europe would use the strap on their children. and many parents in the early to mid 20th century would regularly hit their kids. people wouldn't use the term "abuse" for hitting.

and look what happened to the people of the older generation. they dont know how to communicate well, they arent intune with emotion and that method noadays actually causes kids to go off the derech.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:52 am

Quote:

I hit and scream at my kids but dont think thats called abuse

yelling at your kids alot is verbal abuse.

hitting your kids hard for things they should be taught calmly can be physical abuse, depending on the situation.]

noone deserves to be yelled at or hurt no matter what!!!

mama-star

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 11:52 am

that could be true...I just want to reiterate, I am not CONDONING the behavior...I'm just saying how times/opinions have changed.

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