I am so upset! adults hitting, shouting at etc. children

amother

Tue, Apr 08 2008, 10:40 pm

I keep seeing mothers, babysitters, teachers, abusing thier children and I cannot handel it!

every time I see it I get so upset. how can I not let it affect me so much?

It just makes me so mad that Hashem gives peopkle such beautiful innocent precious children, and they can hit, shout at, and push around these kids???? someone who was abused as a child and doesnt know any diffeernt NEEDS HELP TO LEARN HOW TO NOT be abusive!!!!! there is no excuse and it is never ok. I hope noone here abuses thier kids.

but as for me, how do I deal with seeing it?? I was in Target today and saw a mother shouting at her baby to shut up and stop crying or shell beat him. it made me cry! what can I do??? poor baby! Sad

redhot

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 12:41 am

im sorry, I have no advice. I also get very upset when I see what I perceive as abuse/mistreatment. I am at the point where if I saw a parent hit their child in public, be it a jew or a nonjew, I wold definitely speak my mind to them . And I might call 911 depending on the situation.

freidasima

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 8:01 am

I've been known to say to anyone, black, white, Jewish, Arab, "hey take care of your baby, he's a gift from G-d". It almost always seems to work.

catonmylap

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 8:09 am

I keep seeing car seats in the front seat of cars---what's with that???

Do they not know that is wrong and dangerous?

And why don't Israeli cops pull over cars for things like that??? Yet they give tickets for jaywalking??

Tamiri

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 8:13 am

Caton, here's the scoop (and I won't give my personal opinion here): they are worried that if the baby gets kvetchy, they won't be able to take care of it unless it's strapped in next to Mom the driver.
Scout's honor.

justanothermother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 8:26 am

A forward facing car seat with a five point harness is safe in the front seat of a car as long as the air bag is disabled. **although the front passenger seat is the most dangerous seat in a car, a car seat is safer in that position than a child under 4'8"**

Clarissa

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 8:27 am

mimivan wrote:

I've had whites yell at me to mind my own *expletive* business before...it's not restricted to race...

Absolutely. I used to go to Walmart a lot, and saw lots of people being abusive to kids, most of them were white. Temper and defensiveness aren't tied to skin color.

One woman was so out of control that my friend went up to her and said, "I can see you're having one of those days. Would you like me to watch your little girl for a few minutes right in front of you so you can get a little break and catch your breath?"

Clarissa

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 8:30 am

She said thank you, but she was fine, but it interrupted the moment of abuse and she relaxed. I don't think she was conscious of the fact that others could see how she was acting, and it changed her behavior, at least for the remainder of the shopping trip.

flowerpower

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 10:00 am

I see it too, the way the kids get yelled at like that. last week at the bank, a shaygatz was hitting the three year old bec he was crying, he was tired and didnt have a stoller, teh mom kept hitting and yelling at him. after she left all the tellers were talking about it. if u give a decent comment then it stops em and makes em think.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 10:12 am

Since we are sharing touching stories about sheygetzes, my friends and I once went to a very chassidishe home for Friday night meal and we saw the father kicking the kids who were relaxing on the floor because they didn't immediately get up for kiddush.

And yeah, no matter what the color of the person, I would say something. People (and the kids,especially)need to know it is not acceptable.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 10:35 am

We were at a family for Shabbos lunch and the father told the child if he didn't behave he would beat him. I wanted to say something so badly, but DH knows me well, he gave me a little warning nudge under the table.

On the way home my daughter who was 5 at the time asked me if the boy's father was a Mitzri, because the Mitztim beat the Yiddin.

gryp

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 10:46 am

OP, I hear it all the time.
Once I had to sit 3 hours in a dentist's waiting room listening to an African-American male adult telling a five year old girl that he's going to beat her black and blue when they get home for misbehaving in the waiting room. Her crime was being bored and wanting to sit on his lap. No exaggeration, all those hours sitting there I heard this threat every few minutes like it was being drilled into my brain. His female partner didn't seem to mind when he told her he was going to have to beat her daughter into submission. I wondered if this girl was going to be the next story on the news like the one about the little girl who died from being overdosed on meds purposely.

I wouldn't want to start up with people who beat kids, he'd probably follow me home and shoot me on the way.

The kids are probably immune to it anyway, being threatened like that ever since they're in diapers. Not much you can do, really.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 10:46 am

I hit and scream at my kids but dont think thats called abuse. I am trying to raise them right.
I have had kids come to me and hit and kick and their mothers would very calmly tell the kids please dont do it. What do you think? They wouldnt do it again? I have had kids throw down and ruin things from my store and the mother again calmly said dont do it. (of course they didnt pay for the items and this is not an isolated case) This is how I disipline my kids and dont need anyone judging or telling me otherwise. I love my kids alot more then you love them. I just want them to grow up be kind and respectful to others.

Clarissa

Wed, Apr 09 2008, 10:53 am

So, let's sum up what we have learned from this thread.

1) Bad, abusive parents come in all colors and religions, including African Americans, frum Jews, white Christians, etc.

2) People who hit their kids consider themselves good parents for doing so.

I haven't changed my point of view on physical punishment, and people who do hit probably won't change their points of view. We have all witnessed it, whether at large stores, doctors' offices or Shabbos dinner tables.

It's hard to watch but it's very hard to get people to change, whether it's because we fear they'll strike out at us or because we're afraid to speak up when we're guests in somebody's home.

Sad.