Finance shaming | Imamother

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:47 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

And yet, there is a constant element of bragging among posters. When people post about their income the majority of them are not telling the truth and are skewing themselves into higher tax brackets. (Source: average income for families in NY with two earners--$71,343)

How could you know people are lying about their income??

amother

Cantaloupe

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:48 pm

amother Whitewash wrote:

What do you do?
Im a SLP and I only made 43k last year. I need to switch careers

Hi, I sub self contained and pullouts (Tender Touch- $40,000 for 6.5 hours a day). I also do night shift as a social worker in an hospital emergency room on Sunday nights (12 hour shift- $18,000). I do shifts on Friday and Sunday occasionally.
I just got my MSW so I am having a hard time breaking into the field, but I am hoping next year to find a job in that field. Smile

amother

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:48 pm

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

Why would a person be happy for you that you have money to waste when their own kids are suffering from their poor financial state and they can’t breathe or eat or sleep from fear because they’re running out of debt to wrack up to pay for basics?

Because one persons money doesn’t affect another’s. Would they be happier if both families were suffering? How does that make sense?!?

Disclaimer: I have a severely abusive mother. Like hates me, wants me dead, constantly curses me that I will die young, forbids people from speaking to me. Calls people to badmouth me. You name it, she does it.
But I promise I’m so happy for my friends whose mothers come to the hospital when they give birth. Their mothers bring them suppers, help with the kids, host them, buy them clothes for the baby. Host them for yom tov. I’ve got none of that and never will. But it won’t make me any happier to be angry that others do have that.
Some nights I can’t sleep from the amount of pain she causes me. But it’s still not an excuse to hate and shame others for having a mother.

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:50 pm

gr82no wrote:

Dusty diamond I think you have a very good point. When I was making more money I did spend less time here. But there are some wealthy people who spend a lot of time here too.
Interestingly I find on all the how much money do you have threads that people who have more money usually post there.
Op I think it’s a poor man mentality. I can’t fathom the thought of spending 4500 on a Dior stroller. Even when I dream about winning the lottery I can’t imagine I would want it. But probably if I would have disposable money I wouldn’t see why not get it.

This makes no sense
People who are wealthy also don’t have to work and would have more time to be on here

vintagebknyc

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:50 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

How could you know people are lying about their income??

Because I know what the average income in NY is for a family with two earners, as I cited in my post and that's about a third of what people here brag about. Data I posted was from the census.

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:51 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I know right? And I literally just bought my son a pair for $200 tonight. Why? Because he lost his other $200 pair a few days ago. Can’t wait to count all the hugs I get for this comment. And why?? Why does anyone care? I can bh afford to buy $200 sneakers. I’m not a showy person. My clothing is mostly Zara and handm. I am kind and loving and accepting of everyone. My best friend has worn the same two tee shirts for the last 10 years. But when my son wants $200 sneakers I buy them. He likes them. I’m lazy to shop around. I’m not taking money from anyone else. Why does this bother people ???? Scratching Head

Personal attack removed

You don’t think his two pairs of $200 sneakers makes other kids jealous and pressure their parents to get them the same?

You live in your own little bubble I guess that’s why you could say what you just said and see nothing wrong with it

amother

Cognac

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:53 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

Because you obviously have no sensitivity to others or ability to empathize

You don’t think his two pairs of $200 sneakers makes other kids jealous and pressure their parents to get them the same?

You live in your own little bubble I guess that’s why you could say what you just said and see nothing wrong with it

She has given so much tzedakah to people on this site. Any time someone posts a need she immediately offers. What a nasty post.

hodeez

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:53 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I know you're a baalat tzedakah and you say that your children are gracious and sweet. My only issue with that story would be the chinuch aspect, bc I wouldn't want my kids to think they can just lose something so expensive and get it replaced no questions asked. That is my type of chinuch, so yours seems foreign to me. But I wouldn't come on here, especially as anon, and start bashing you for having money to spend on your kids. I don't agree with the comments well to dos get for their habits. But I do understand that it is hard for women who are struggling paycheck to paycheck to read stuff like this and not feel resentful.
I also think that everything can be offensive to someone, like op said. So idk who's right here :/

amother

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:55 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

I imagine if they inflate their salaries they feel better about themselves, perhaps not realizing their lies serve to hurt people.

I don’t think anyone is lying. Maybe a few but definitely not majority.
Your average doesn’t reflect the fact that most Jews are educated, smart and resourceful. Your average includes lots of McDonalds, and dunkin donuts workers. Jewish people and especially in the tristate area are usually making more than minimum wage. So that average doesn’t apply to most members of that site.

Most men I know do make 6 figures. Starting salary for a man in Lakewood is 60k. That’s fresh out of Yeshiva. A girl straight out of seminary is making 45k. There you already have 105k. Give them each 5 years and one of them opens a business and the other is making almost double their starting salary. In the corporate world it’s unheard of. But in the frum circles it’s a reality.

hodeez

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:55 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Because I know what the average income in NY is for a family with two earners, as I cited in my post and that's about a third of what people here brag about. Data I posted was from the census.

That's just their reported income lol. Like kiryas yoel is the poorest city according to the books

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:56 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

This is true for AVERAGE. Yidden aren’t average and we have many more expenses. Food is more expensive, we have to pay membership to shuls (we’re members of at least four shuls that dh goes to regularly), we have to pay tuition, our families are KAH BH much bigger than the average family. The average Yiddishe family with 6 or 8 kids has to be making at least 200,000$ if not more to live a low class (by non jewish standards) lifestyle. They also have smaller weddings and no bar mitzvahs and parents aren’t expected to set up an entire apartment and support and buy car and make bris and pidyon haben etc.

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:57 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

Because I know what the average income in NY is for a family with two earners, as I cited in my post and that's about a third of what people here brag about. Data I posted was from the census.

So because you think you know the supposed average in NY means you expect to see that reflected on imamother?
Surely you jest
Our community can be different, and many here aren’t from NY

What a way to make conclusions

DustyDiamonds

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 9:57 pm

amf wrote:

I think it's because people who earn more spend more time on work, and therefore don't hang out here consistently. (Ducking in advance...)
There is definitely an imbalance, maybe a self-perpetuating one, on this site related to finances.

While your theory is certainly possible, it doesn’t ring true in my experience.

And that’s because most of my wealthy friends/neighbors are not working at all, as their DH does very well! So they have even more free time!

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:00 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

According to the Pew Research report, the average income for a frum family is between 120k to 180k (depending on sector, MO families on the higher end).

Which is not really a surprise, as we all know Jews are always higher earners.

amother

Cognac

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:01 pm

I live in Lakewood. We have great jobs. We are getting paid very high for our fields. Yet I look poor on those threads. All my neighbors are barely pulling in 100,000 with two jobs. Where is this magical world where you make so much money? Unless you mean all under the table.

DustyDiamonds

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:01 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

I do think rich people also don’t come on here as much with basic questions. If rich people need help they hire an interior designer or personal stylist or pay for top therapists. So this is a more useful site for poor people. But the jealousy is ugly and makes threads so unpleasant.

This is a good theory!

But even rich people may have questions like: Are you supposed to change your tampon every hour on hot summer days when you’re going to pee every hour?

That’s the value of Imamother for many, the ability to anonymously ask about s—x or hygiene when we wouldn’t necessarily want to ask the folks IRL these questions.

amother

Cognac

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:02 pm

amother Floralwhite wrote:

This makes sense. Those threads discuss 300,000 as the lowest.

zaq

Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:02 pm

Don't like the bashing?
Don't brag about your spending!
I've never understood people who boast about how much something cost them. To spends scads, all you need is to have scads to spend, or the ability to charge scads whether you have them or not (don't get me started on that!).

To be able to have and do nice things when you don't have scads to spend--THAT takes something. Siyata dishmaya, of course, but also planning, creativity, patience, ingenuity, skill and hard work. So come regale me with stories about repurposing your graduation dress and your grandma's tablecloth into a wedding gown for yourself, or how you bought a rundown shack and rehabbed it yourself until you could move in (took you five years but boy was it worth it). Really! I love such stories and admire the people who have what it takes to do such things.

However, if you want to brag to me about your$150K car, $1K shoes, $15K sheitel, $75K tennis bracelet and your house that was five mil (even if you did negotiate down from the asking price of seven and a half), I'm not interested. Lalalala, I don't even hear you.

To be frank, none of the people I've known who did such bragging ranked especially high on the intelligence scale or on the personality scale in my estimation. If all you have to be proud of is your money...

Last edited by zaq on Wed, Jan 25 2023, 10:06 pm; edited 1 time in total