DH drowned, BDE, edited to: a widow’s musings…

amother

Mauve

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 10:08 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you dear friends.

I buried my husband last Sunday. Yesterday in the pouring rain we said tehillim at the pile of dirt that’s his grave.

Baruch HaShem I have incredible friends and my in laws and DH’s siblings have been so loving and supportive.

Now I’m one of those widows of the annoying blinking ads on the Frum news sites. Ugh. Hopefully the lawyer will win billions from the boating place and I can return all the funds, pass it onto really needy people.

There’s so much food, so many toys, blankets, cards, and gifts, I spent all day today trying to organize the stuff with my dear helpful friends.

My kids are orphans.

I have no words.

If I would know why Hashem is doing this, what His reasons are, then I would have His mind and be Him! Alas I’m just His creation and can’t even understand that what happened really did.

Im working on making Asher Yatzer signs printable in a few sizes and styles, maybe Yael will let me link to the page on this site when it’s ready.

Ages ago, when I went to seminary I was on a night flight to Israel and saw something incredible:

Only the top half of a crescent shaped moon was visible. I was amazed that we were flying at such a high altitude that the curvature of the earth, the horizon from the view of the plane, was blocking the bottom half of the moon for over two hours straight.

What a phenomenal astronomical site to behold!

Then we began to land in Tel Aviv.

And I saw that my fascinating view of the moon was actually a small silver light on the plane’s wing.

That’s how my perspective on life changed, and if you can keep a crumb of this lesson in mind as a zchus… thank you.

Things that seemed to be super important two weeks ago, all kind of things, like cooking for yom tov, bumps in relationships, my desire for more alone time, etc etc etc……

They’re now all virtually invisible specks of dust, not even worth flicking off my skirt, since they’re so tiny in the scheme of what really matters in life: the people Hashem gives you, the love you feel in your heart.

Im not saying not to work on relationships, not to improve issues when bumps come up; definitely do that! Yet look at the broader picture and spend more mental energy appreciating what we have than wishing for what we lack, if that kind of makes sense. Maybe someone more articulate can explain this better, it’s not coming across so clearly.

OP, I don’t know who you are, I never met you or your husband, and I never heard your name until you posted here about tehilim for your husband. I just want you to know that your husband had an impact on my son, and made a big impression. He was in extreme this summer. He was going to go to the levaya, but in the end went just to the kevurah. Let’s leave it at that.
I’m so so so sorry for your loss, it sounds like your husband was really an incredible, huge man. May you and your family know no more pain and suffering.
Hamakom yenachem eschem

amother

Oleander

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 7:41 pm

Op, I feel your incredible strength of character here. Wow! Your children are lucky to have you in this hard time!

I typed up a huge message last night. Then deleted it. Because I wasn’t sure if it’s appropriate to say at this time. But every time I think of this, I’m struck by it, so forgive me if this isn’t appropriate.

If I’m correct, your husband was niftar on tes zayin Elul (last Shabbos), and I saw somewhere that he was 49 years old. Someone I know has that yahrtzeit, and he was also niftar at age 49. You are extremely into people saying Asher yatzar with kavana, lilui nishmoso. This person, a few hours before he was niftar, kept motioning with his hands because he couldn’t talk, until they finally figured out, he wanted to wash negel vasser so that he could say Asher yatzar. Until last night, I thought that may be where the similarities ended. But now that I see that article about the boy whom your husband brought back on the right derech, (and I’m sure that’s one story of many) this other man, amongst many others, someone said that the reason he became frum again was because this man hugged him and was truly glad to see him, even while sporting a ponytail.
Idk if the frum hashkafa is to look at these things; I honestly don’t know, and that’s why I never sent my message last night, but it struck me that 2 men, same yahrtzeit, same age, same characteristics, same bracha worked on.

Your husband sounds like a real chashuv man, Mary he be a meilitz yosher

amother

Pewter

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 8:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you dear friends.

I buried my husband last Sunday. Yesterday in the pouring rain we said tehillim at the pile of dirt that’s his grave.

Baruch HaShem I have incredible friends and my in laws and DH’s siblings have been so loving and supportive.

Now I’m one of those widows of the annoying blinking ads on the Frum news sites. Ugh. Hopefully the lawyer will win billions from the boating place and I can return all the funds, pass it onto really needy people.

There’s so much food, so many toys, blankets, cards, and gifts, I spent all day today trying to organize the stuff with my dear helpful friends.

My kids are orphans.

I have no words.

If I would know why Hashem is doing this, what His reasons are, then I would have His mind and be Him! Alas I’m just His creation and can’t even understand that what happened really did.

Im working on making Asher Yatzer signs printable in a few sizes and styles, maybe Yael will let me link to the page on this site when it’s ready.

Ages ago, when I went to seminary I was on a night flight to Israel and saw something incredible:

Only the top half of a crescent shaped moon was visible. I was amazed that we were flying at such a high altitude that the curvature of the earth, the horizon from the view of the plane, was blocking the bottom half of the moon for over two hours straight.

What a phenomenal astronomical site to behold!

Then we began to land in Tel Aviv.

And I saw that my fascinating view of the moon was actually a small silver light on the plane’s wing.

That’s how my perspective on life changed, and if you can keep a crumb of this lesson in mind as a zchus… thank you.

Things that seemed to be super important two weeks ago, all kind of things, like cooking for yom tov, bumps in relationships, my desire for more alone time, etc etc etc……
We
They’re now all virtually invisible specks of dust, not even worth flicking off my skirt, since they’re so tiny in the scheme of what really matters in life: the people Hashem gives you, the love you feel in your heart.

Im not saying not to work on relationships, not to improve issues when bumps come up; definitely do that! Yet look at the broader picture and spend more mental energy appreciating what we have than wishing for what we lack, if that kind of makes sense. Maybe someone more articulate can explain this better, it’s not coming across so clearly.

Your strength and emunah is amazing to read, it left me crying for a long time.
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון.
May we only have simchos to share with each other.
כתבה וחתמה טובה.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 10:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow. I marvel at how strong you are and at your positive outlook in such challenging times.

May Hashem, who's the father of orphans, send you continuous strength. And may you always be able to spread positivity.

Wishing you a gut gabentcht yur.
A year of healing, health, and wealth.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 10:38 pm

Dearest ‘Sister OP’:

I am crying as I write. Your tragedy and posts through it all culminating with your last…

May you find comfort through BE”H having tremendous nachas from your beautiful children and see doros that carry on the mission that you and your dear DH instilled.

I just said a perek for the aliyah of his holy Neshama.

Imamother Ghostwhite:
Thank you! For that story. I feel we all connected to OP more now. We cant imagine the reward…

We need rachmanus. We need yeshuos. And what we really need is the strength to believe with Siyata D’Shmaya…

Wishing all a ksivah vchasimah tova and may we BE”H only share in simchos from now on…

amother

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 11:39 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

This made me cry

Thank you all for your kind and loving words; they all are truly comforting.

I’ll add to this story: Sometimes I kvetched that he loved chilling with his teens at risk more than with me. And we argued about how much time he really needed to spend with them. And we both worked on our Middos, both learned to be more considerate of one another’s needs and wants, and to understand an urgent emergency versus one that could wait for tomorrow so we could have some family time.

Im just a regular person. Im repeating the words of emuna from my MIL whose parents were survivors and never questioned HaShem. I have a thick notebook of questions for Him when I get Upstairs, after 120!

Baruch HaShem DH had many friends, as do I, who are supporting me in ways I’d never have imagined that non-blood-relatives would do! I met one of DH’s friends at the bank today, to close some accounts, and he literally treated me like he was just lending me a cup of sugar, and it was his absolute pleasure to go through lots of complex bank accounts and obtain the necessary death certificate documents for the bank and all that other horrid paperwork stuff that was weighing on me.

My amazing cousin came over from out of town for a few hours and helped me clean my room, which had lots of random things dumped and hadn’t been clean since before we’d gone away the shabbos prior to the accident. I told her that I just want to clean up, not make any decisions, but I did decide that DH’s socks in the laundry pile without matches, we can throw out!

A friend gave me a temporary phone because mine was locked in the car at the lake, and it took a day or two for the police to get it open, and then I didn’t want my normal phone because I was too overwhelmed to deal with hundreds of texts. It was such a gift, it was her kids’ phone for games for traveling, and it had service- lots of people were offering me phones without a SIM card that only worked as a tablet.

I needed my regular phone back today to get some bank notifications. But I tried to keep my normal phone muted because the important people have my temporary number. But WhatsApp keeps crashing on the temporary phone, so I could only text. So I started using my real phone today. And now I’m walking around with two phones, and told DS that this must be similar to what it feels like to have newborn twins - they keep beeping/crying at different times or simultaneously! And we laughed! We laughed a lot during shiva. So much more than I would’ve guessed could happen at such a tragic time!

Yael, I’d you see this, would you be open to hosting a page of printable Asher yatzer signs on this site?

Thank you all for your support and meaningful posts, each and every one of them.

amother

Candycane

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 11:47 pm

Op, I’m crying here. I followed the thread with a pounding heart and anticipation of a complete refua shleima. Your amazing strength shines more and more with each additional post!!

You should never ever know of any tzar, and only good things should happen to you and your entire family. We’re all grieving with you. Hashem should give you tons of koach for the future. He will be at your side every step of the way.

I read your beautiful update post. About the moon story on your way to Israel. Let me tell you how you touched a random woman on the internet struggling with different nisyones. I posted here in the past about my situation. DH is OTD. we’re married over 20 years with a house full of kids bh. DD is following DH’s path somewhat.

I’m struggling to accept DD, that was to much of a blow for me to deal with. My mental health is suffering. She wasn’t home almost a week, now before yom tov, I have no help cooking, baking, etc. she came home today. I was thinking I will be smiling and welcoming to her, but keep a distance. I won’t get emotionally involved with her. I can’t anymore.

Obviously, there’s lots of details to my story, but not for now.

I think op, you changed my mind. I’m going to try so hard with all my koches to accept DH AND DD for who they are. Because they are my loved ones as you mentioned. You inspired me more than you can think. I just spoke to DD so warm and loving.

I will try to be positive, smiling and loving towards them. Leli nishmas your beloved husband. I will say his name as I embrace there differences.

Your husband’s neshoma should have a aliya, and hashem should give you and your family love , strength and wisdom to go on. Your kids are lucky to have you for a mom!

I don’t know if I made any sense here….. just typed what my heart told me to.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 11:52 pm

OP, from your first post of the accident, when you seemed so level headed and your only request to us was that we concentrate on Asher Yatzar, to every post you've written since, you don't cease to amaze me with your strength.
May hashem continue to give you strength and console you and the entire family, as only He can. Your husband sounds like a baal chessed, Ben Torah and a real mentsh with a golden heart. I cannot imagine how the family, the community and the teens he helped will move on, but it seems like he was a real activist, so let's hope he continues his activities in Shomayim, and he helps speed up Moshiach's imminent arrival iyh. המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
May you know of no more tzaar.

amother

Milk

Tue, Sep 12 2023, 11:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

Op, Zisel’s Links has a division called Legally Links where lawyers help widows and widowers for free- they know all about social security benefits, dealing with getting death certificates, bank accounts, etc.
Feel free to reach out to them for assistance.

(Zisel’s links and Shloime’s Club are wonderful… you have a Baltimore branch too-BLinks.)

amother

Thu, Sep 14 2023, 1:40 am

Thank you all for your kind words.

This email touched me, and I hope we can all take a spark of it to heart.

And if you have any stories or thoughts, please email rabbimmbraunmemories@gmail.com.

Pasting from the email:

I arrived at Lev Shlomo as a last stop yeshiva.
Rabbi Braun was truly special. He saw so deeply, beyond all the bravado and teenage posturing. He was able to find a part within each one of us, a place of purity, that was still unblemished by the world. To give life to, and awaken that spirit. He would surround us with healthy role models and deeper perspectives so that we could envision a better future for ourselves and work towards it. He really cared about us all and it was felt so strongly. I am eternally grateful for the time, care, and love he gave to me.

Rabbi Braun’s sudden passing is a tragic loss for so many.

I would humbly like to suggest as a way of keeping his spirit present: By always looking deeper within ourselves and others to search for and find the irreducible good we all have within, and giving life to that, through allowing that to be the lens we see the world through, by living as he did, we can help keep his teachings and memory alive.