Humid heat + chassidish... HELP!

amother

Thu, May 02 2019, 11:47 pm

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

Just wanted to add, the most concerning part of your post was the nasty comments about your mitpachat. I’m just speechless. What kind of community are u living in??? Not okay at all!! And this is halacha, shaming others is no chumra! And actually one of the biggest stresses in chabad is working hard on ahavas yisroel & accepting everyone & all types of yidden. According to ALL chabad standards that is far more important then wearing a sheitle!!!

One or two nasty ppl unfortunately can be understandable- the exist everywhere. But as a general community attitude?!

The general community attitude is that if I was to turn up at the Beit Knesset with a mitpachat, then my family isn't chabad (even if DH comes with a beard, hat and sirtuk). Superficial, but that's how it is. Tbh I don't even go to that place anymore because of the kids, except for a shiuir once a week at night to keep my sanity. The women who say mean comments are a few vocal ones, but the others seem to be thinking the same thing at least. I totally agree, it flies in the face of ahavas yisroel.

Re the women described with short tight dresses, shaving their legs instead of pantyhose etc etc... let's all agree that dressing like this is completely missing the point of tznius and not a good example to anyone.

Re the shlucha who doesn't dress appropriately- I don't want to give away her identity out of respect for her, but such people very much exist and all her sisters (a big family, all shluchim) dress the same way.

Last edited by amother on Wed, May 13 2020, 12:36 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Pumpkin

Fri, May 03 2019, 12:17 am

amother [ Black ] wrote:

What was then the point of the hat? From what I understand, the hair needs to be covered. You can do it via a hat, kerchief, or a sheital (or other). The only sects that do the hat and sheitel together are the Satmar, Belz, Viznitz women.

In the olden days all women wore a hat when leaving the house. It was the style and considered classy. It must have been how the rebetzin wanted to dress because it was how she was brought up when she was young. Wearing a sheitel doesn’t mean you can’t wear a hat to be stylish.

Aylat

Fri, May 03 2019, 6:38 am

imaima wrote:

I am not even chassidish or chabad but I don‘t get the majority of replies. Why do people pretend that they never saw tons of chassidic women in Israel who were a two-piece, stockings, double-covered hair and impeccable make up in the heat?!?! Doesn‘t everyone want to know their secret?! Regardless of the derech?
.

I'd love to know the secret if anyone can share!

notshanarishona

Fri, May 03 2019, 6:44 am

Honestly , when I see someone dressed like that I feel bad for them and have no interest in learning how they cope. Tznius is hard enough with the halacha , adding chumros to make yourself miserable is not part of the Torah that I have ever learnt . There is no difference in halacha if you wear knee socks or stockings , the only important thing is for your leg to be covered. Same thing with a sheital/ mipachat , the halacha is for your hair to be covered, it doesn't say with what.
People should only take on chumros if they are doable and don't make them or anyone around them miserable or resent the mitzvah. You see that so many people who drop observance do it all the way. I think if more people learnt the basics it would be easier without confusing halacha/chumrah/minhag/aitza tova then chinich and mesorah would be much better.

amother

Pewter

Fri, May 03 2019, 6:48 am

imaima wrote:

I live in Israel and most chassidish women I see wandering around midday are melting in their wigs, stockings and make-up. They are not made out of some superhuman material.

It is hot here midday even if you wear a sleeveless summer dress. I would advise staying inside with the air-conditioning on from 10 or 11 until 5. That is the secret to staying cool, and that's what most people do if they can help it.

The people I know are mainly in the cool office or cool school during most of those hours, or in their cool homes. If they need to run errands, they try to go straight from the airconditioned car to the cool mall or cool store.

People are in the parks and streets generally before 10 a.m. or after 5 p.m. I guess downtown there are always people, but they aren't hanging around outside, just going from one place to another.

Aylat

Fri, May 03 2019, 6:51 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Secular people probably feel bad for me wearing my mitpachat, long sleeves and flowy skirt in the heat. I don't resent it and I don't feel bad for the chassidish lady who willingly wears her double headcovering and thick stockings. Tbh, we're all hot at 2pm outside in August, spaghetti straps or button-downs.

amother

Pewter

Fri, May 03 2019, 6:54 am

Aylat wrote:

Secular people definitely feel very sorry for women who cover their hair in the heat, or wear sleeves past the elbow.

My teen dds wear short sleeves and they feel sorry for some of their friends wearing 3/4 or long sleeves in this heat.

It's definitely not only chassidish women that get pity in our unrelenting summers.

And I agree we are all hot whatever we wear if we dare step out midday.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, May 03 2019, 6:58 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

I don't know anything about your community or where you live.

there seems to be a pattern with these threads

particularly since you wrote that you have accepted your lifestyle

Op perhaps you want to consider posting in the Lubavitch section perhaps you will get more focused helpful advice for yourself without distracting tangents.

I’m a Chabad Shlucha and I come from a really established and incredibly large family and am scratching my head at these threads too. I really don’t know anyone like this. ( I also don’t know a soul who spends $6000on a sheital. Between 2,500/3,500 maybe. But 6? also everyone I know shaves their legs regardless of how they cover them- leggings, stockings or bare legs I’m not even sure why that was mentioned, but I digress.)

As repeated many times, a mashpia is a must. Please find one.

amother

Jade

Fri, May 03 2019, 6:59 am

Israeli_C wrote:

What does the bolded mean? I grew up in a community that wears stockings and pretty much everyone I know shaves their legs. What's one got to do with the other?

Raisin

Fri, May 03 2019, 9:33 am

Here's a random picture of a cross section of chabad shluchos. http://crownheights.info/photo.....inus/ (the only thing they have in common is that they live in remote communities.) Its not a summer picture but they all look pretty tznius. No maxi skirts but that is generally considered casual clothing. A couple of sheitals are perhaps longer then some people would feel appropriate but not crazy long.

With your (presumably) irish skin you want to cover up from the sun anyway and I agree with Irenefr that long, loose, natural material clothing is the way to go.

salt

Mon, May 13 2019, 4:04 am

I wear long flarey skirts and cotton tops, and a mitpachat. I still boil in the Jerusalem summer! I LOVE the winter.

What I've found recently helps keep me cooler in the summer, believe it or not, is wearing sunglasses. I started wearing sunglasses and find that just the fact that you don't have the glare of the sun and have to squint half the time, makes you feel cooler. I think just the squinting made me sweat more!
Might not be logical, but it helps!

amother

Aubergine

Mon, May 13 2019, 6:05 am

First of all, OP, hatzlacha rabba in overcoming any and all difficulties associated with your derech. It is no one else's place to tell you that you are unhappy and need to make a change -sometimes venting is just venting, not serious unhappiness! Tongue Out

As for heat coping tips, there are many good ones here in terms of colors, materials etc, but only you and your mashpia can determine which ones work for you. I tend to wear Elizi 120 denier tights - they are actually much more comfortable than most 70 denier ones that I have tried. Also, even though longer hair is easier to tuck up under a sheitel, try to go as short as possible in the summer. Keep in mind, this year there was no real spring weather - it went from cool to HOT which always makes it seem worse than it is.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Emerald

Mon, May 13 2019, 7:54 am

Op, there’s going out like to shul or an official outing.. and then there’s going out right in front of your building to keep an eye on your kids.

If you are not going anywhere and just looking after your kids, you do NOT need a shaitel and the works.
Please don’t dress up for the few minutes you are standing in front of your house.
You will come to resent EVERYTHING if you feel you are forced into doing that.
Of course always be 100% tzanua. But what you would wear to answer a knock on your door you can wear to watch your kids in front of your building.

And yes, only wear thin cotton or modal.

amother

Emerald

Mon, May 13 2019, 7:59 am

Raisin wrote:

Oh my, these ladies are dressed regular.
Op, you cannot go by a book only.
You need people who have been part of the community you want to be a part of (for a long while) to show you how things are done.

smilethere

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:02 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

Wearing maxi skirt is an issue?
I'm Chassidish but not from a community that shaves or wears thick tights so I don't know the rules, but I was in the Catskills with women from Williamsburg and they all wore maxi skirts.

These ladies are not wearing maxi skirts in Williamsburg, the slinky skirts are their vacation clothes. They wouldn't be seen dead on the streets there like that.

amother

Emerald

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:23 am

smilethere wrote:

These ladies are not wearing maxi skirts in Williamsburg, the slinky skirts are their vacation clothes. They wouldn't be seen dead on the streets there like that.

Hello... she’s not trying to be like the Williamsburg ladies. Quite the opposite in fact. She wants to look Lubavitch. Totally different dress code. They wear longer shaitels, more fitted, fashionable and sometimes casual clothing.
I guess she’ll only see what’s acceptable in the play area by her building if she sees other Lubavitch women outside with their kids too.

amother

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:41 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Thing is, there's a strong yetzer hara, particularly in chabad for some reason, in terms of non-tznius dress. I'm not sure who I can look up to there because a lot of the chabad women in my area are not dressed according to halacha (not even chumrot, basic halacha like covering your collarbone and knees).

Last edited by amother on Wed, May 13 2020, 12:36 am; edited 1 time in total

roses

Mon, May 13 2019, 8:47 am

Israeli_C wrote:

If that is the case, you don't need to obsess over it. Just wear what is tznius, and comfortable, and makes sense for the climate, and that's it.