How do you afford life?

mom3boys

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 10:23 am

Those of you who have school age children will probably understand my sentiment. How in the world is one income family expected to pay all the bills, tuition, misc.expenses etc...

Next year I will have 3 kids in school, and won't be paying full tuition for 2 of them.

How does everyone manage? Does anyone pay the astronomical tuition?

brooklyn

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 10:38 am

No we can't afford all that we want in life. DH works two jobs, btween 16-17 hours per day so that we can afford to keep kids in yeshivot. We also do without vacations and other things. We do the best we can and try not to look at other people. Who knows how they do it, maybe they have better incomes. Maybe they don't care if they are in debt. Maybe they are scamming govt. programs, that is there business. We just do the best we can.

southernbubby

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 10:45 am

We always paid full tuition and had one income until all of my children were in school. I personally think that something has to give. The message that we receive goes something like this: Don't go to work in the secular world; sit and learn. Fill your house with guests and serve them the best foods. Get (and pay for) a good Jewish education for all of your children. Make elaborate simchas and don't leave out anyone. Give a lot of tzedukah and don't turn anyone down. Make your home balabatish and buy new clothes and jewelry for each YomTov. Wear only the best sheital and look put together. Hire a maid; you are meant for more ruchnius matters. Attend visiting day at camp, even if you need to fly there. Visiting day is a chassidishe yomtov. Attend all of the fundraising dinners in your community and concerts as well. Do not forget to buy gifts for all of the BarMitzvahs you attend and chassunahs you are invited to.
Tootsiepies, did I leave anything out? Is there anything here that we can change to make life more affordable? Do you faint when you open the VISA bill?

mom3boys

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 10:51 am

No vacations, looking for bargains, little frivolous spending, all that goes without saying. But there is always something, pesach is a good example.

I have 3 boys, therefore 3 barmitzvahs to look forward to (B'H, don't get me wrong), 6 pairs of tefilin. It all costs money. I am expecting now, if G-d willing it's a boy, we have to make a bris.

Just wonderring if anyone else feeling the financial pressure.

P.S. Thank you all for letting me get it off my chest.

Mitzvahmom

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 11:31 am

Believe me I wrack my brain daily to figure out how to pay bills.

I cry when I get the bills for the kids Schools, because I barely have enough sometimes to pay rent. It's incredibly embarrassing; to go to the accountant and stating I have no money and bringing proof.

I have tried to cut back, but with three little children K"H always growing, it's next to impossible to cut back on clothing cost and shoes.

B"H my youngest uses his brother's hand-me-downs but sometimes they are not so great. G-d willing my degree will be done soon and my salary will increase, and then we will move to NY. But once in NY even a good salary is not necessarily going to make a huge difference.

Tefila

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 11:32 am

Quote:

How does everyone manage? Does anyone pay the astronomical tuition?

We will iy"h be having 3 boys in Yeshiva Gedola and it is a fortune even w/h a break. Plane tickets back and forth 3x a year, spending money, B'h it just grows.

But yes we bargain hunt.... I'm good at that Smile

atleast one thing I'm good at embarrassed

And yes I do work half day and yes it helps tremendously.

chen

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 11:42 am

We afford it by doing our own thing and not caring what "everyone" does, wears, and so on. We don't own a single "designer" anything. Vacation for 20 years has consisted of going to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Dh & I have clothing and shoes older than most members of this forum, and our wardrobes are gradually shrinking as things fall apart and aren't replaced. we take good care of what we have. I have gottn some nice things at Goodwill, and have seen ppl much richer than we are shopping there, too.

chicken, not beef, and that only for shabbos and yomtov. quasi-vegetarian the rest of the week. shop only on sale whenever possible. use very few convenience foods. we eat out maybe 3-4 times a year, if that, and then not in fancy places. going to the pizza shop is a big treat.

we think it over and think it over a few more times before making a major purchase, and then buy only what we have the money for. credit cards are just so that we don't have to carry cash on a shopping trip. if there is not enough in checking to cover a purchase, we do without rather than put it on a credit card and pay finance charges.

In general we buy the least expensive we can get away with unless it's something that has to last for a long time, like furniture--and then we try to get it on sale.

oh, yes, we both work full-time.

shalhevet

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 3:08 pm

As a kolel wife in Israel I have to say that I am frequently amazed at what is considered a normal way of living on this forum (I have also never lived in America) Obviously I am not including all the posters (especially some of those who have already replied to this thread).

I have never owned a custom sheitel (and wouldn't dream of it). I buy a new outfit maybe once a year and a new sheitel only when the old one is unwearable. If I do, that's my yom tov gift. My dh has never bought me jewellery since we were married. We don't have AC. We never eat out and I order in pizza in the last day or two before Pesach. I have cleaning help for 4 hours once a week (many women here don't have that either). For our britot my in-laws helped set up tinned gefilte fish & bought salads & cakes in my dh's kolel. I use lots of hand-me-downs for my kids and only buy clothes for them when absolutely neccessary. We have never gone away on holiday and in the summer we try to find free or nearly-free outings.

Anyway, you get the idea.

At least some of what some of the posters here consider necessary, you can live without.

Mitzvahmom

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 6:23 pm

yeah....about the custom Sheitels... I honestly do not mind wearing a scarf or a hat... I had a nice Sheitel, but with kids and use it did not look so nice. Someone, I anot sure whom in my community left an envelope under my door with money. while I really needed that money for other things, it was specified to go towards a decent sheitel. Just so happened Michal wig rep was in town.

I still get looks from people when I wear it, and I know they are thinking. Oh so she cannot pay the school, but she can afford a nice wig. makes me want to shrink away and never wear it. But when someone actually asks, I tell them there is a Tzadik in the community that bought it for me. then they smile, but it's still embarassing

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 7:21 pm

southernbubby wrote:

I agree with you 100000% southernbubby. why must all of those things that you wrote be part of life? I mean, yes, its lovely to have guests on shabbat and to have smachot to go to, but must it all be better than the person b4? I think that simple is best and soooo saving.
there are sooooooo many things that cost money that life sometimes gets away from you.
I have noticed, as one of the other posters said, that life is a little bit less money in your face in israel......not 100% but a bit, and the tuition problem is either non existent or muuuuuch less anyway....jsut a thought:)

gryp

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 7:56 pm

a segulah for Parnassah is giving Tzedaka without boundaries

(food for thought)

if anyone's interested, ill post a very very interesting story from a sicha the (Lubavitcher) Rebbe said in Taf Shin Tes Vav, where I just learned this.

(Its in the Dvar Malchus from 770, if anyone else has it in their house, the booklet with the Chitas of the week plus Rambam, Sefer Hamitvos, and some Sichos and Maamorim that correlate to this week.)

Mitzvahmom

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 8:19 pm

Yes...but you cannot give what you do not have.

for me I give time to people that are in need, I give a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listento.

I help other single mothers, with funding and access to programs that I found through research. We put all the kids together with one - two sitters and do a mother's alone night out to pizza or chinese (both are about 30 min trip both ways).

I wish I could give more, but what little I have goes to my children and our apartment.

gryp

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 8:27 pm

Mitzvahmom, there is not doubt, that if you yourself need every penny that you earn and plus, then you need to "give tzedaka" to yourself.

but there are people (who need to decide for themselves if they fit into this category) who may just have some extra tzedaka funds at that time, but their Yetzer Hara pipes up and convinces them that they need that money, and not to give it away.

(taken from the abovementioned sicha)

klotzkashe

Mon, Jun 26 2006, 11:47 pm

If we waited till we could afford it to have kids - we'd all have one (some of us none!).
Definitely when there are two incomes there are added bonuses that mke it worth having to leave the house even if you have little kids.

In AUstralia, we bh have a really good welfare system that give extra money to supplement any income under 40,000 dollars. Also, for students who are married and have kids there are great resources. B"H otherwise we woudlnt' be able to get my husband through school (he has a year left!)

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jun 27 2006, 3:22 am

klotzkashe wrote:

Definitely when there are two incomes there are added bonuses that mke it worth having to leave the house even if you have little kids.

its interesting, not everyone but in many places, the more money you make, the more you find to spend and the more you are living the life of keepong up with the johns. I know that this is true in some places, its quiet gross actually.
if only ppl would realize that the more money you make, the more you should save and/or use it for your children and things that are important, not getting the next best kitchen redone because mrs johns already did that so you want to be bigger and better than her. it makes me sick.
oy, what money does, in the evil way!!!