Tight miniskirt-what to do?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Sun, Aug 01 2010, 10:26 am

My dd came home with a miniskirt,tight that a friend out of town gave her.I thought I was being wise when I took a friends advice and told her Id pay for a replacement.She wants money for shopping and tells me she knows what she buys has to be appropriate.(Her opinion of appropriate is dif than mine but Id tell her it has to be ok by me.Of course I only want to give her money if she replaces that awful skirt,which to her is irreplaceable cuz she likes it.Im trying hard to keep a good relationship with her (it isnt always so good..) and Im not sure how best to handle this.Any GOOD ideas would be much appreciated!Btw shes 18.

Yocheved84

Sun, Aug 01 2010, 1:23 pm

Can you go to the mall together? Tell her you have a couple things you'd like to get for yourself (or someone's birthday, etc.) and while you're there, say "Ooooh! Theres' the GAP. Let's see if they have a cute skirt to replace that other one."

amother

Sun, Aug 01 2010, 4:24 pm

Great idea!!Any others?

amother

Sun, Aug 01 2010, 5:38 pm

I would just tell her that since she's still living in your house, you would like her to dress respectfully and to your tznius standards. Say it in a nice way so that you avoid starting a fight,

amother

Sun, Aug 01 2010, 8:42 pm

I believe this lady can help you, give it a try

www.jewinthecity.com

Hatzlacha...

mindyme

Sun, Aug 01 2010, 8:46 pm

Is this the first and only time you have faced this tzinus issue with her? How have dealt with it in the past? Are there other issues going on in her life, or b/w the 2 of you?
A frum girl, who has always dressed tzinus, doesn't generally make the jump to wearing a "short, tight miniskirt" (no matter how cute) just like that. There are likely other things that need to be addressed here.

opinionatedbubby

Sun, Aug 01 2010, 10:06 pm

Thanx to the amother who referred to jewinthecity.com I'd never heard of it; it is truly fascinating.

To the OP: Til a kid is 18, or back from seminary, you can say my-house-my- rules, but after that , it gets tricky. Do you really want your adult daughter to move out because of tznius? That's what it boils down to, and the answer is, No you don't. Trust me. Sure, offer to replace the skirt, but just know that she really does know better, you know she does, and she knows you know she knows. (I'm not trying to be cute.) So the problem is bigger than a skirt.. But you know that.

I told my dd: Sure you have issues with me and Ta and your school, but what did God ever do to you?
She didn't seem particularly impressed.

I have no answers, but much sympathy.

ruth

Sun, Aug 29 2010, 7:24 pm

I have just recently entered into the clash of tzniut standards issue.

I agree with the poster that there are other issues that tag along with this.

and to the poster who referred us to the jewinthecity THANKS millions, I am going to send this to my dd's menachelet and teacher. pm if you don't mind.

a frum psychiatrist recommended the following. Have your dd go out shopping with a frum friend of yours whose standards are similar (I haven't tried it exactly though. DD went out with an aunt who's not at my standard on some things, but the aunt still got very tzniut stuff. The problem was that she also got styles my dd doesn't like == shoulder pads Wink

for example)

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