Shabbat afternoon playdate - expects lunch?!?

amother

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 3:30 am

Okay ladies, tell me if this is weird/rude:

My friend approaches me at kiddush after shul and asks if it's okay if her daughter (6 y.o.) comes over to play with my son that afternoon. I was looking forward to a nap, but I know my son would enjoy the playdate, so I agree. We have company for lunch, so I tell her she can come after lunch, around 2:00pm. She seems fine with that, and off we each go.

So, after lunch, our company leaves, and my son's friend arrives. There's a cake on the counter, and she keeps eyeing it. I ask her if she wants a piece of cake, and she nods, so I give her some. My son is waiting patiently to play with her. Then she opens our fridge and asks if she can have some yogurt. My son says, "c'mon, let's play!" but she's still eying the yogurt. I suggest that she go and play with my son, and I'll bring them some slices of apple on a tray if they want a snack. I bring the tray over and she comes back almost immediately, asking for yogurt. I ask her if she had fleishigs at Shabbat lunch, and she tells me "Oh, I didn't have any lunch. My parents came home from shul and went to sleep. I was playing by myself until my dad woke up to take me here." shock

So I gave her some yogurt while my son sat by himself and did a puzzle.

I strongly suspected she had told a fib because she wanted some nosh, and I felt bad for my son, who was disappointed in his playdate.

An hour later, I took the kids to the park where the girl's mother was supposed to meet us. Iapproached her and mentioned that her daughter wanted yogurt, and that I hope it was okay that I gave it to her; she told me she hadn't eaten lunch, was that true? She replied, "Oh, sometimes we just go to sleep instead of eating Shabbat lunch. So, yeah, I guess she must have been hungry."

I know these people and they can certainly afford Shabbat lunch. We have 3 kids and both work full-time, so we'd like to nap on Shabat too, but we don't ignore our kids and not feed them! And we certainly don't dump them on other people and expect them to beg for food while we nap.

I thought this was a real chutzpah. Am I being too harsh?

merelyme

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 3:45 am

I'd guess that the parents ate something at the kiddush, came home and went to sleep. Then the father got up and saw it's time for her to go, so he brought her over to play without realizing the kid might be hungry and the kid didn't mention it.

Not everyone eats at the same time on Shabbos day.
And "sleep" doesn't necessarily mean they were actually sleeping. vehameivin yavin.

zipporah

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 3:52 am

Of course, her kid should have been fed lunch. Did your friend at least look guilty for not feeding her daughter?

OTOH- I would have fed my kids (shul gets out at 10:30am as I'm in Israel, so we're done before Noon) and all of them would have wanted the cake. Kids want cake. If you have it out, they'll ask for it or look like they want it, My 4 year old would have wanted food too. She's always hungry. It's a little embarrassing, but what can you do?

Inspired

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 4:28 am

I agree with the above two posters.
It wasn't very nice to send her over to play without making sure she had eaten but it was probably just an oversight. Accidents happen.
Maybe they have something going on that they wanted that was the real reason they wanted the little girl out of the house (shalom bayis issue, Mom not feeling well, etc.) That or they are really dysfunctional and just don't feed their kid on shabbos afternoon.

MiracleMama

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 6:22 am

To chose to go take a nap without first making sure your young children have been fed is awfully flakey I think. But I doubt their intention was to dump the kid on you so that you would feed her instead. They were obviously just not with it. Hopefully just a fluke and not their normal routine.

amother

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 6:49 am

OP here:
Just to add more info: Shul gets out at ~11:00; she arrived at 2:00pm.

freidasima

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 6:53 am

Sounds a bit flaky but could be that the shul gives a big kiddush, the kid doesn't eat but the parents do, then the parents go to sleep or whatever and they don't feel like eating on a short shabbos as they eat seuda shlishis or melaveh malkah later but the kid is hungry. At least I hope that's the reason otherwise....

Inspired

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 7:03 am

MiracleMama wrote:

Kiddishes by us include hot kugel and sometimes cholent, cracker, herring and chumus besides for the cake and cookies. Maybe when its a big kiddish they eat there and the little girl usually does too but this time she didn't ans neither parent realized. 1

amother

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 7:09 am

OP again:
Okay folks, maybe I was too harsh.

I guess I'm used to my ravenous boys -- I could never get away with giving them a handful of crackers and expect them not to be hungry for hours afterwards!

Raisin

Mon, Nov 01 2010, 7:45 am

kids are not always hungry when it is convenient. She probably snacked at the kiddush, wasn't hungry at home even when her parents offered her food, but was hungry at 2pm.

My kids are never very hungry shabbos lunch, but are later.