My kids play me like a fiddle....

cookiemilk

Thu, Dec 23 2010, 9:36 am

I love my kids to death and sometimes I find my head is spinning because they are so clever that they work me over like a drum. For instance, last night I asked my twelve yr old dd and her 10 yr old brother to watch the two younger ones, the baby who was asleep and the 6 year old who was all tucked ito her bed, so I could go out with my girlfriends for an hour and a half. I thought there was no opposition to the plan, so I got into my boots called my friends to say yes to the plan.
They in turn, called their sitters and put the elaborate machine into motion. Well suffice it to say, I never left the house. When my friends arrived to get into my car so we could go out together, my kids blocked the door, and wept tearfully that I should not leave them alone, (suddenly), even though the night before was PTA and I was gone for two hours with no incident. They ran outside onto the lawn and cried tearfully until I came back into the house and sent my friends off by themselves.
Later my daughter wrote me a love note to appologize and my son hugged me and exclaimed his untiring devotion to my being, but I was not amused. What would you do? Would you have left the house and the babysitters in tears? Sigh!

HindaRochel

Thu, Dec 23 2010, 9:54 am

I am a bit confused about who your children called.
HOWEVER, I personally feel that 10 and 12 is too young to babysit. Maybe for 15 minutes or so...while walking the dog or running something over to a friend, but even with the other two asleep 12 is a bit on the young side.

It is a hard age though, sort of between the age that needs a sitter and the age that can sit, so I sympathize.

That said, I think that if you are secure with them as babysitters and this is not a frequent request, then you should have left (but again it really is hard to do. Leaving crying kids is difficult!) I also think that normally you need to give them a day or two warning, and confirm it is okay, not exactly like you would do with a hired sitter, but I think it is important to make a request and be certain the kids don't have a test or other plans themselves.

cookiemilk

Thu, Dec 23 2010, 11:26 am

DovDov wrote:

Also, check the law where you are. A lot of places a child has to be 13 before s/he can be left with other kids (usually 8 to be left alone).

Where I live it is technically understood that from the age of twelve you need to consider the individual child and her/his capabilities. Let me add that they ahve been sitting for a while now, only for around an hour to two at the most, only when I am out in the neighborhood and never when I leave town. I also have a nearby neighbor who was informed of them babysitting and offered to look in on them every fifteen minutes or so. They did not care anyway. Dont forget I had a cell phone on so I could be home in five minutes if neededa nd their dad was a phone call away too.

HindaRochel

Thu, Dec 23 2010, 11:33 am

cookiemilk wrote:

DovDov wrote:

Also, check the law where you are. A lot of places a child has to be 13 before s/he can be left with other kids (usually 8 to be left alone).

Then imho what you should have done was left, telling them calmly what your instructions were and letting them know you would be back in 1.5 hrs
. But that is hard I admit... I do think it is important to ask a couple of days in advance unless it is an emergency.

auntie_em

Thu, Dec 23 2010, 11:36 am

I don't know what I would have done. That's a hard one, for sure.
Is is possible that something happened the night before that shook them up a little bit,
that maybe they didn't tell you about?

I know when we were younger, my oldest brother was home with us when my parent's went out.
One time, siblings being siblings, we got into an arguement whilst they were out and for a week or two we
did not want to be all left together at home alone. But we also didn't want anyone to get in trouble for the
fight..lol.

Maybe it was something like that? Or even a loud scary noise or something, but they aren't telling you about it.
Was the note and expressions of undying love and devotion because they felt guilty when they saw you stayed home? Like I said, I have no idea what I would have done but good luck. Your kids sound sweet.

cookiemilk

Thu, Dec 23 2010, 11:43 am

Yes something terrible happened on monday evening, which I am sure many of you have become aware of. Unfortunately this tragedy happened on the corner of the road I live on and it was to a woman who had gone out to get a manicure and never came home. So since my kids were aware of this incident and how shook up we all were having known this woman very well, they could have internilized my sad ffelings and felt uncomfortable being left. I dont know. My daughter cant really explain why she prevented my leaving, Sad

shanie5

Thu, Dec 23 2010, 9:23 pm

cookiemilk wrote:

I would guess they were afraid of YOU leaving and not coming home.

Thu, Dec 23 2010, 10:35 pm

shanie5 wrote:

cookiemilk wrote:

I would guess they were afraid of YOU leaving and not coming home.

Of course they were, and I am glad you stayed home, and I hope now that you pieced the two things together you tell them that you do understand their fears.

It had NOTHING to do with your sad feelings at all--- they are children - they may be kind of old enough to babysit, but they are just little kids who found out that moms are not invincible and can die. That means their mom could die too and they are scared. You should march right into their rooms and hold them tight and I would hope you recognize the next time they need you more than you need to go out with friends.

I just dont get how you didnt (and from your post) still dont get that it was about them needing their mommy, not about your feelings at all. As young kids they are still entitled to those feelings and the need to be emotionally protected from scary things.