NCSY - To let my teenage daughter go or not to go?

PinkFridge

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 2:12 pm

Chalupta wrote:

PinkFridge wrote:

I don't know what kind of needs she has; I assume you mean the regular program, not Yachad, which is different?
If that's the case, I'm a bit ambivalent, I.e. can go either way. LA is a pretty big place; is that really the best of the options?
I assume also that you made an informed decision to put her in public school. Who's helped you with that decision as far as someone you respect religiously? How have your daughter's social needs been met so far?
Sorry for all the questions, I feel like the answers will help someone out here who can help you put the puzzle pieces together. Hatzlacha!

I do not know what Yachad is. Can you please explain?

To answer your questions (thank you so much for your interest and time), the decision to send her to public school was thrown on me, and I did not have too much of a choice. She is currently enrolled in what they call a "Non-Public Private School" that works with kids that have ADHD and oppositional behaviors and she is finally coming into her own and blooming from within. At the frum school, although the teachers and principals were so wonderful and tried so hard to work with her, her needs were just not being met and they were not able to continue having here there... so we were very kindly asked not to return. She has never felt better about herself and been more confident and happy with herself. The ones who helped me with the decisions I have had to make are Hashem (as I guess I had no choice but to place her into a school that addressed her issues as she could not return to her frum school), her therapist, and a handful of incredible professionals who evaluated her for educational and psychological issues to make sure her needs were met. Consulting with a Rav on this was not an option as I had to come to terms that my daughter needed her educational needs met and those needs could not be met in a frum school of wonderful teachers who unfortunately were not special-ed trained. After we were asked not to return, I realized that putting her into another frum school would not have addressed her core issues, and the problems would still continue, and she would drown in them.

I hope I have answered your questions. Thank you again for taking your time to help. I really appreciate it!

Yachad is an NCSY division for special needs kids. Obviously not fitting the bill here, you want the regular program.
Sorry if I led you to share more than you might have.
Sounds like you have a good support network.

shnitzel

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 1:38 am

Chalupta wrote:

shnitzel wrote:

I would let her go.
But I do have to confess that my DH works for NCSY and has worked for them in some capacity since the day we married as well as being a product of NCSY so I am definitely biased. I also think it is important for her to spend time with Jewish teens. If she is in a coed environment than mixing with boys is an issue anyways and the actual Shabbatons are generally well policed. Beyond that I think it is the parent's responsibility if a relationship is happening outside of events.

Thank you. You hit the nail on the button. In the end, it is always up to the parents, and parents who rely solely on others in responsible positions to look out for everything are fostering trouble. Yes she is in a co-ed situation now, but as I had written earlier, she is in a non-Jewish environment, and she knows very clearly who she is and that the boundary ends there. It is when she is in a co-ed JEWISH situation that the boundaries would shift to more complicated issues of her tznius, proper behavior, etc... I realize I can't keep her boxed in, and the majority of the responses here are helping me realize that I should definitely take a look into letting her go, but speak with the chapter heads and keep in constant contact with them to create a harmonious overview of her experience. That's my job as a parent, is it not?

As others have said the organization really varies year to year and region to region. Definitely scope it out a bit. A couple of suggestions are summer programs which are generally quite easy to get scholarships for although it does depend on the program and there is at least one program that is all girls and tends to attract very good kids and is more learning based.
Does her school have any clubs?
If it does and she is interested you can try to start a JSU, Jewish Student Union, in her school so she can get to know other Jewish students at her school an advisor would come weekly to the club and run a session. I have no idea if this is at all applicable depending on the setup of her school and if there are other Jewish kids but I thought I could put the idea out there.

jschur11

Sun, Jan 30 2011, 2:05 am

I joined Imamother for the sole purpose of responding to this thread. I act as web content editor and consultant to the Orthodox Union. As a content editor, I have various Google keyword alerts set up to monitor the Orthodox Union's internet presence. "NCSY" is one of those keywords; for those of you who do not know, NCSY is an international youth movement founded in the 1950s under the auspices of the Orthodox Union. As a result of Google alerts, I came across this thread and one other (Mirabelle's)...so yes, all content posted on this site which is not sent in private message format can be viewed and linked to across the worldwide internet.

I'd also like to respond to Chalupta. I have a great deal of experience with NCSY and am also the mother of several children (now grown) including one whose special educational needs could not be met by the Jewish day school system. NCSY is a co-ed social organization run under the auspices of the Orthodox Union and the overwhelming majority of participants are Jewish teens who attend public schools and don't come from observant homes. Thank G-d such an organization exists so that these children have some kind of exposure to Yiddishkeit. For over half a century, NCSY has been turning the tide of assimilation.

That being said, whenever you have a co-ed group of teenagers getting together for social purposes there are going to be opportunities for inappropriate conduct for those participants so inclined. I won't try to minimize or trivialize this concern because it's a reality. But I will add this, it is naive and potentially dangerous to believe that a child is any safer from similar circumstances in a public school setting or that even the most level-headed Jewish teenager would never cross "that" border with a non-Jewish teenager.

My experiences both as an NCSYer, and as the parent of teens who were NCSYers were overwhelmingly good ones. With respect to my special needs child, I'm deeply grateful to both NCSY and Yachad for providing a nurturing Jewish context. It was the only environment where my child was able to have significant social interactions with other Jewish teenagers.

Mirabelle

Sun, Jan 30 2011, 2:18 pm

jschur11 wrote:

All in all, this really wasn't a big deal. I just was surprised to see an imamother thread in my facebook newsfeed as this has not happened to me PERSONALLY before. I know that there are plenty of blogs out there and such that quote imamother threads, this just isn't something that I see very often. I have no bad feelings towards NCSY (if you see my original comment, I made a positive comment about NCSY) and you are more than welcome to post whatever public websites you like.

brooklyn

Sun, Jan 30 2011, 3:25 pm

Back to the original topic. NCSY is an amazing organization both for ffb kids and for non. Yes there might be the occasional inappropriate boy girl relationship but that is because of the individual people involved and it would probably happen regardless. I think being part of NCSY has kept many kids from having those inappropriate relationships. My experience with those involved in NCSY is amazing. They do a wonderful thing for these kids and the majority of the kids are great. Of course I cannot speak for all the chapters, just the one my child attends. NCSY has made a change for the better in my child and I think it will in yours as well.

Chalupta

Mon, Jan 31 2011, 4:49 pm

jschur11 wrote:

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your very balanced and honest response. In fact, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for it. I am very glad that I started this thread as I have been so happy to see that the overwhelming response is that my daughter would greatly benefit from NCSY. Of course, I, the parent, must be watchful of my daugher's doings. I saw on the NCSY website that all programs are for teens that are in 9 - 12th grades, so when she enters 9th grade next year, I will definitely have her join and continue to wear my binoculars round my very watchful neck. Wink

Thank you!