I'm jealous of the moms of children who....

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 1:03 am

are verbal and potty trained and developmentally up to date. It is so frustrating keeping my child home while her peers are in school already bec she's having difficulties with using the potty and is not very communicable. She gets therapy for speech, but the progress is slow. I'm home with two kids, and this is becoming a real challenge to bear.

c.c.cookie

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 1:12 am

I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time! Iy"h your child will learn to do these things too, but you'll have so much more satisfaction, because you're putting in so much more work!
Also, you never know what other mothers are dealing with. Even if a child seems "perfect" as far as development goes, a mother can still have many challenges that you are not even aware of.

ABC

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 3:34 am

dear amother
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. do you have friends with kids in the same situation, or some kind of support group? I'm sure it would help you to be able to vent with them about how you feel.

it's so important to remember too that however easy other people seem to have it, everyone has their nisayonot. so even if their kids look perfect to you, or at least a lot easier to deal with than your kids, it really may not be the case. and even if their kids really are that easy, there are sure to be other challenges they have to deal with.

try to get comfort in the fact that Hashem only gives you what you can cope with. someone else might crumble with what you have to deal with, and you might crumble if given their nisayon.

I hope you find the support you need Hug

elaela

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 5:51 am

dea amother,
im sorry you have to go through such difficult times.
try to focus on what your chuld CAN do, sometimes a positive perspecive helps.
there are schools for children than develop slower, is this an option? (I teach in such a school).
remember to take time outs, call a babysitter regularily and spend an hour at a massage (or wherever WITHOUT your childen)- even if it is just a walk or visiting a close friend.
dont be upset at the child, I know you lov your dc, H´send this child to you, because you have the strength and the ability to deal with it. it makes you special!
many hugs, im sorry I dont have more advices.

the world's best mom

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 9:32 am

Amother, you can join my club. My ds is 2 1/2, doesn't talk at all, and isn't trained. He doesn't go to regular school, though I started taking him to a speech based program twice a week for 2 hour sessions. He also gets plenty of therapy at home.

Do I sometimes get jealous when I hear other 2 year olds talking and putting words together? Not much. My son is preciaous, gorgeous and adorable (at least in my opinion) and I wouldn't trade him in for a talking child ever. I am working very hard to teach him what I can, and believe me, that first time I heard the word "Mama" from his lips was heaven. He has only said it a few times, but each time is a new Ta'am Gan Eden for me. I cherish each moment that I get to spend with him and each new skill that he learns after over a year of us working on it. He's amazing.

Feel free to pm me if you want. And know that you are totally not the only one who has a child that is delayed.

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 10:18 am

OP here

thanx for all the virtual hugs, they do mean a lot.

One of the greatest challenges with her is, that she is bh considered "normal" and is doing too well for a school for special needs children, but not well enough for regular kids.

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 10:25 am

Dear OP

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your child. It does sound like it's frustrating and draining to deal with. Though I don't know what you are going thru, you have my sympathy.

Please don't be jealous of me. Hashem gave me children that are up to par. Maybe He knew I wouldn't be able to handle developmental delays, along with the other challenges that I do have.

Thank you for heightening my awareness of this blessing. I will not take it for granted, and I will try to be more cognizant and thank Hashem more often for the blessing of easier children. I am going thru a very hard time now in another area, but it helps me and strengthens me to realize that Hashem has given me this kindness.

I am choosing not to share my challenges with you, because I feel it would cheapen yours - and that wouldn't be fair. Your pain is your pain. My pain is mine.

I wouldn't want to trade places with you. I don't full understand what you are coping with, so I wouldn't risk saying I want to be in your shoes. But I'll share this with you: If you heard what my challenges are, you probably would run back home and embrace your own "peckel".

In closing, I wish you much Hatzlacha. May Hashem bless you with the strength to do the best for your child, and may he allow you to see the silver lining that every situation has.

Fondly,

A mother with a different life

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 10:45 am

op I am going through the same thing. my dd is older, b'h I see progress, last week she spoke to me about something that happened to her 2 years ago. wow! it was a major moment. spontaneous speech! about her thoughts and feelings. it does hurt when you child is borderline and needs help but isn't that bad at all. that yo have to push for either one or the other.to put in a specail needs school or mainstream and then once you made your choice. to second guess yourself did I do the right thing? that it isn't clear cut. your dd has xyz. we can approach it and treat it. dd is delayed in speech and it effects all aspects in her life. b'h she is getting therapy and we are working on it. I hope to g-d that she will continue to improve and that she will be in the right school for her and that everything will work out. hugs(((()))).

I always though dd would go to school x and that is it. not that her schooling is dependent on hashem's mercy that everything should work out. it is hard to have a child out of the box. I do wonder why did hashem give me this challenge? I know that I should be grateful that it could be worse but it is really hard.

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 11:47 am

My kids are all bh great, except for my one son who is not toilet trained (at 6.5 he can and does pass water in the toilet but not faeces) and also has speech delays and social issues. These things did not show up till he started school (except for the toilet training issue). BH he seems to be making some progress now.

The hardest thing for me is keeping on top of all these appointments and assesments and check ups.

But I am hopeful that he will get through this.

worlds best mom, you do realise that it is normal for a kid not to be trained at 2.5? None of my kids were trained by then.

the world's best mom

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 12:02 pm

amother wrote:

worlds best mom, you do realise that it is normal for a kid not to be trained at 2.5? None of my kids were trained by then.

Yes, I realize that. I think 3-3 1/2 is average unless parents push the kids before they're ready. I just mentioned it because the OP was saying her child isn't trained and can't talk well. It would be impossible to train my son because he has no spontaneous words.

TwinsMommy

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 1:42 pm

I have twin 4 year olds, both special needs, both not even CLOSE to potty trained. I feel your pain. It's so hard not to see your friends' kids going to "typical" schools and walking into bathrooms and doing their business and speaking in understandable sentences.

Does your daughter qualify for an IEP? Is she 3 yet?

amother

Sat, Feb 05 2011, 11:23 pm

If the issue is a language issue I would recommend that you look into strivright's program. I had a few of my neighbors attending their program due to language delays and they were all really impressed with the program (and their kids started talking)
Also, if you didnt do this yet take your child for an audiological evaluation to make sure she is hearing properly-