DD afraid to go to sleepaway camp-fears getting 1st period

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 10:06 pm

My almost 14 YO DD is afraid what will happen if she gets her first period in camp. As much as I tell her she wouldnt be the first, I understand its a real fear for her. I told her she could tell nurse, counselors etc. bu she is still terrified. Does she stay home because of this?

On another note, fear # 2 is how girls get their pads from their knapsacks into the bathroom and maintaining their privacy- that no one should know they have their periods when they do-
So ladies how do your daughters change their pads in school?
Do they shlep their knapsacks and/or wintercoats into the bathroom stall? Stuff it into their tights? What about during the summer?

Shes driving me nuts---- and these are great questions IMHO but I have no answers!

mama-star

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 10:30 pm

maybe does she have a robe that she could sneak the pads into? or a special bathroom toiletries bag? tell her it's really ok and normal. does she really want to stay home if her first period may occur at camp?

by the way this reminds me of a story I had long forgotten - once I got my period at sleepaway camp and some of my bunkmates stuck a sanitary napkin on the door like a mezuza as a little joke on me. embarrassed

(they weren't making fun, they were celebrating me.)

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 10:34 pm

I never even brought pads or tampons to camp when I was 13-- I dont know what I was thinking-I could have had an unwanted surprise. luckily, I got mine a month before going to camp the following summer and so I brought supplies with me. I don't think it's a big deal looking back now--although then I did-- at 14 most girls have already gotten their periods and are going through the same thing. I think in camp that first summer I kept my pads in my duffel in the closet in my bunk. I tried to go to the bathroom when people weren't around, and I probably stuck it in my pocket or up my sleeve- till I got to the bathroom. Also, in the beginning it was really light so I barely had to change them.
In school, I stuck pads in my locker in a case or something. and would get a pad from my locker during class, when most people weren't in the hallway near the locker, and stuck it in my sleeve and held it there till I got to the bathroom.
She can also use tampons--I wish I had started using them while in school, it would have made my days so much easier--because if she's in school for around 8 hours- it could last that long and she doesnt have to change it. or she can remove it towards the end of the day- and leave a backup pad inside.

Kayza

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 10:34 pm

amother wrote:

That's totally up to her- give her as much support and chizuk as possible, perhaps have her talk to someone who's ben there, done that. But, you DO NOT force her to go to camp.

Quote:

On another note, fear # 2 is how girls get their pads from their knapsacks into the bathroom and maintaining their privacy- that no one should know they have their periods when they do-

It's not the end of the world if someone figures it out, really. On the other hand, being discreet is a god idea. Does she wear skirts with tops? Tops OUTSIDE the skirt? It's easy enough to tuck a pad in your skirt band, and no one the wiser. (It's a problem for women who work, too...)

seeker

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 12:04 am

I think she'll be reassurable if you go through all possible scenarios and how she would handle them. Talk talk talk until there's nothing she can possibly come up with that would be disastrous.

Assure her that if she has an "accident" she can just toss that underwear in the garbage and put a pad in a fresh one. That can be a big relief so she won't have to worry about what if it happens suddenly when she's not expecting it, and everyone sees her underwear in the laundry, and what'll she do blah blah blah. Go through all the possible ways of concealing a pad (I REALLY wouldn't recommend tampon for first time) - you can even just stick an extra one straight in your undies, either put it in the waistband or just layer em and peel off as needed. Seriously. What if someone sees what she's up to? Practice calm responses. All women go through this, especially by 14 it's nothing embarrassing. Maybe if she had her period at 11... but by 14 at least half the girls probably have it already and won't think anything of it. She won't believe that though, she'll feel conspicuous anyway, so go through how she'll deal with it until she's comfortable. Go with her to the drugstore (at some weird hour so she doesn't meet anyone she knows, lol) and pick out a couple of different types of pads so she can find what works when she needs it. And midol. Or if they're strict about kids not bringing medicine to camp (understandably) tell her that if she has pain and doesn't want to tell the counselor why, she can say she has a headache because it's the same treatment basically anyway (and then tell her it's fine to tell the counselor if needed anyway! Cover all bases)

chocolate chips

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 12:30 pm

I know someone who hadnt really prepped her dd about this subj. (dunno why) and the girl got her period in camp and freaked out poor kid!!

but in response to how to get a pad to the bathroom, she can keep it in her locker and then slip it into her sleeve...or I sometimes used to put one in my tights when I got dressed in the morns just in case I needed and couldnt get one.

amother

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 12:36 pm

OP here

The "problems" in her head are as follows:
There are no lockers in school. If she has a pad, its either in her coat pocket or knapsack. She doesnt wear tights, likes knee socks. Does she put on her knapsack or coat and go to the bathroom? that is wierd. And what about when it gets warm....

She claims there are no garbage pails in the individual bathroom stalls (bathrooms are shared with younger grades as well- where does she put the dirty pad if/when she takes it off? Do I ask the school to put garbages in the bathroom? What have all the girls done till now- dont know

She knows about peiods. Hates talking about it to me. Is dreading getting it. She was crying telling me she "doesnt want it" I told her it is a Bracha- if she didnt get it, it would mean her body is NOT working- but she doesnt get it. She walks around impending doom and gloom

obagys

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 12:47 pm

amother wrote:

Does she have a close friend or 2 that she can ask what they do when they have their periods in school? I know I had a few friends at that age that I could talk about this kind of thing with.

As for lack of garbage pails, I know some kids would wrap the dirty pad well in toilet paper and then throw it in the regular trash where you'd throw paper towels after washing your hands. I personally would go to the bathroom during class time cause it was easier to deal with it all when hardly anyone was around. You can of course call the school and request for the mini garbage cans to be put in the stalls, I'm sure many students would be very appreciative!

Last, I dreaded getting mine also and then really hated it each time I got it. It was very uncomfortable - if not downright painful at times - and as a teen, it's just a nuisance and nothing more, even if you know it means your body is working properly. So when she cries to you, just be sympathetic and listen, and validate her concerns instead of simply saying its a bracha.

amother

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 12:48 pm

If she's almost 14, most of her classmates/bunkmates probably already got their periods. I doubt they'd comment if somebody notices her discreetly (or not) taking a pad to the bathroom.

She can tuck the pad in her sleeve, pocket or under her shirt.

I never kept pads in my school locker. You just crouch down near your backpack like you're taking something out, and just tuck the pad under your shirt or whatever.

My school didn't have garbage pails in individual bathrooms either. It would have been very convenient if they did.. You just pray and hope nobody sees, and then you get so used to it you don't care after a while.

What exactly is she afraid of? Not being prepared? (She can pack some pads in her backpack if she goes on a trip, use toilet paper if she's not near her bunk, and then grab a pad when she gets to her bunk) Pain? Blood? People knowing? (Seriously, all girls deal with this)

chocolate chips

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 3:00 pm

amother wrote:

Im very surprised that a girls school with older girls doesnt have pails in the bathrooms! thats awful! I would call the school and suggest it to them, have a private chat with the principal and explain that your dd is afraid for this reason.
In my high school there were always pails and when they moved buildings they even put in a machine in each bathroom where you could insert money and get a pad.
Girls schools are meant to cater for girls needs!

busydev

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 3:22 pm

I didnt wear tights and kept pads in my backpack by my desk during elementary school. I would try to go to the bathroom during recess- take out the pad and stick it up my sleeve when I took out my snack. go to the bathroom. we also didnt have garbage cans in elementary school.I would roll up the pad, wrap it in toilet paper, hold it in my hand (tuck the ends in) and throw it out. I would drop a paper towel on top of it.

In high school I kept it in my knapsack in my locker. I would do the same or stick it in my skirt waist band under my shirt. I would still wrap up the pads but they did have little garbage cans in each stall.

At work I do the tuck into my skirt waist band usually.- out of my purse into my waistband. all done under the desk.

At camp the same thing. I would keep pads in my cubbie- in the back behind other stuff. put it in my sleeve and go to the bathroom.

And if someone found out- well someone found out. its a part of life. just like meeting someone at mikva Wink

no one is gonna make fun of her. everyone deals with it. assure her of that.

dont force her to go to camp tho.

and its not that terrible. even if you have cramps for most people its not the end of the world. I mean there are some crazy stories- but in general regualr menstrual pain medicine should help. and its only one day. and in the begining its really not THAT terrible. (as in the first few times) so maybe find out WHY she is dreading it so much? Did someone tell her something and scare her badly???