why is she busy with kids non stop?

morningstar

Sun, Sep 03 2006, 10:28 am

Quote:

I find it very difficult and often wonder when things will start to get easier.

Lubcoralsprings, the million dollar question.

Rest assured, there are some days ahead when you will look back and wonder why you thought you had it tough now. . . And also some days ahead when you will look back and wonder how you ever managed.

To paraphrase something I read recently: Some people see the glass and wonder why it's half full, some see the glass and wonder why it's half empty, some see the glass and wonder why it's so big!!

Bottom line: Circumstances shift, perspectives shift, but days loom very long when you get up in the morning and find you're all out of milk.. and everything seems more rosy after a plate of good hot supper.

Shimmysmom

Sun, Sep 03 2006, 10:51 am

RivkaBatya wrote:

And each person's productivity level changes over time. I could get different amounts of things done in the same time period when I was first married, got pregnant, had our DD, got pregnant again. As each person's situation changes, so will the amount that they can do.

this reminds me of when I was first married. it took me all of thursday and friday to make a whimpy shabbos!!

avigayil

Sun, Sep 03 2006, 7:54 pm

I am a SAHM with a 2year old and G-d willing another soon, but I work at a snails pace. I have had back problems since high school and some days by 6 or 7, I can hardly even walk anymore.
I know many other women who do far more than me, but that is simply because they are able too.

Everyone has her own speed.

micki

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 9:47 am

Quote:

Also, if it takes you 15 mins to bath and put all the kids to bed...

is that quality care???

what is that supposed to mean?
I also B"H get things done pretty quickly when I am feeling good etc... and we also get the kids into bed fast. I never really timed it, but I would say its aroud the 15-30 min mark.
how long does it actually take to strip a baby, bathe her and dress her? usually hubby mans the shower and I do the dressign if its needed! B"H kids are getting old enouigh to do on their own.

they read or we read to them, say shema, sing etc and its done!! so what does QUALITY CARE mean?
scrub them with a more expensive sponge? I don't get it.
if the job is done, the kids are happy, and we also get some time to ourselves- why not?

I suppose deifferent people have different priorities. I don't want to go my whole life knowing that all I did with my time was clean and cook. I like doing my hobbies in my time instead of cleaning the playroom. it makes me feel like a person, not the cleaning help.
sounds like all the overwhelmed mothers prioritze cleaning and housework, I, Op miriam Wink

and can't remember who else prioritise a creative household, with time for ourselves! and a messier house...

Mama Bear

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 10:54 am

micki, it takes me 30-60 minutes to put ONE kid to bed, so I wonder how you do your whoel family in 15 minutes... you do 3 minute baths for each? I let my son play in the bath, it helps him wind down and gives me a break too, I sit next to him and read. It's not an in-and-out thing. and it takes me longer to dress him - I let him linger awhile in his towel, slather him with lotion, chase after him and wrestle him to get his pamper on, his undershirt, his pj's. make him a bottle, lie down with him sometimes, then fight with him and rock him as he doesnt want to sleep... and this is one 1 year old. Unless your kids take 3-4 minute baths, I cant imagine how it's all done in 15 minutes.

Tefila

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 11:08 am

Quote:

I suppose deifferent people have different priorities. I don't want to go my whole life knowing that all I did with my time was clean and cook. I like doing my hobbies in my time instead of cleaning the playroom. it makes me feel like a person, not the cleaning help.
sounds like all the overwhelmed mothers prioritze cleaning and housework, I, Op miriam and can't remember who else prioritise a creative household, with time for ourselves!

The playroom why should u clean thats what kids r for they messed it they clean it Tongue Out

Anyway with your general jist I so agree. Very Happy

Imhappy!

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 11:21 am

Hi everyone, I was thinking all weekend about this topic.

more than once I got comments from friends "you're too good to your kids". when I asked them to explain themself they said "you're always busy, playing with them on the floor, hugging too much thats why they are so naggy ect".

after I came over my initial hurt I realized that there might be SOME truth to it. So I learned to tell my 3 year old "mommy wants to rest now for a few minutes on the couch you can come sit near my (on me!!) or go play with the toys" it doesn't always work but it's worth a try.

The point is as others wrote before that everyone is blessed with a different nature some are quick others slow some or more warm and loving by nature others not.

Cleaning help is definitly a big factor and if you want to argue the point Op than just try going a week or 2 with out it....

some people perfer to give the kids a quick bath so that they can have more ME time and therefore be a BETTER MOTHER. Others prefer to let the kdis play in the tub with bubbles and toys and therefore be a BETTER MOTHER. there is no right or wrong to the game.

we all have our good days and our hard days. and not all peaple were created equal neither parents nor their children.

thanks for listening!

micki

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 11:22 am

ok mindy if you put it that way, then of course. now say it takes you 60 min to put a kid to sleep. you have 5 kids. that would 5 hours to put kids to bed. HELOOOOO!!! I don't have that time. I would need to start at 2 in the afternnon. since I obvioulsy don't does that mean my kids don't get quality care?

of course I CAN do that, and when I had one I also did it. it was so much fun to cuddle, I had nothing else I wanted to do.
but today life is not the same and yes my kids take 2-4 min showers every night, and they are done. no one lingers I give them the choice of put on pj's fast and have time to read, or put on pjs slow and have no time for yourself. (the kid) so they move quickly.

so now the qquestion is, is your child cared for with "quality care" because it took you longer or are both our kids clean and they both had excellent care. one parent just chose to linger.

I really want that quality care thing explained.

amother

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 11:47 am

quality care, meaning do you rush thru bedtime, bathtime so u can have time for ur HOBBIES? btw my priorities arent cookin and cleaning but my children ARE, so I dont believe in scrimping on their time spending quality time per child ie. betime, bathtime dinnertime, homework time and yes I have time alotted for myself weekly and lunches with friends as well as weekly dates with my dh but not at the expense of children WHEN CHILDREN ARE HOME YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BUSY ISNT THAT WHAT BEING A PARENT IS. CHILDREN NEED UR TIME.
just my 2 cents

micki

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 11:57 am

sorry- there is no rush. everyone just does what they are supposed to do. if it takes 30 sec to wipe a babies tush or it takes you 5 min to wipe the tush, am I rushing? no. you are wasting time. did you give better care? no! we both got the tush clean. I just chose to do it faster.

homework, supper allt hat we take as much time as we need for conversation, etc. but why should I waste time allowing kids to wander off and play when they can do the same thing without wasting time?
of course if a kidhas MORE to say after allt he time during the day chatting then we listen! there is no deadline- when we are done we are done. there is no where I need to be- I just won't stay upstairs and watch them play with cars with their pants off while waiting for them to get moving and put the pj's on.
if you like to do that , and have nothing else to do gesuntaheit!!!
I choose to have them move.

just because you choose to take your time does not mean you provide quality care. how many kids do you have BTW?

MOM222

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:00 pm

Mindy, you get much quicker as each child comes along.

And for the amother,
As miki said she and her husband do it together.

Dressing time takes me 2-3 minutes. Older kid dresses herself while I dress the youngest.
Brushing hair, teeth, takes another 2 minutes. Nails only get done once a week.

Playing in the bath when I am rushed its 5 minutes. Once a week they play 15 minutes, but then bathtime starts earlier.

Story time another 5 minutes.

Then its kisses, shema, tuck in, another 3-5 minutes.

Usually its the waiting until they fall asleep thats another 25-40 minutes. But many kids (NOT MINE) fall asleep as soon as they hit the pillow. Or many mothers can go down and their children fall asleep themselves. (Which is the way it should be, still working on it...)

Its also different when you need to nurse a baby.

micki

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:10 pm

mom222 exactly my point. are your kids getting less than quality care because htey don't waste toime?
no.

it doesn't need to take an hour. of course mindy you can! my point is kids don't get less quality if it doesn't!

and I let my kids fall slepp on their own. I don't stay with them until they sleep.
in their room I mean.

happymom

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:11 pm

every mother has different ways of doing things... I dont see hte point here. as long as a mother is making sure her kids come first, and she makes them feel loved and is positive with them.. spends time with them... and gives them love and attention then whats the problem... someppla are quicker then others, so what?

Imhappy!

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:38 pm

amother wrote:

hey there if your so confident of your definition of quality care then why the anonymity??

gryp

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 12:53 pm

Quote:

it doesn't need to take an hour. of course mindy you can! my point is kids don't get less quality if it doesn't!

micki, I think the answer to your question is the secret to "quality care" and "quality time" we all wonder at when a mother has 10+ kids, because a mother of more than one or two doesnt have time to waste on waiting until the kids decide to finally put on their pajama pants, or to watch them for hours until they fall asleep.

amother

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 1:49 pm

I guess that the difference of opinions here justifies not judging when s/o togerther with their rabbi and spouse decide to use bc regarding being physically and emotionally capable of bringing another baby to this world

amother

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 3:32 pm

GR wrote:

Quote:

it doesn't need to take an hour. of course mindy you can! my point is kids don't get less quality if it doesn't!

My sister has lots of kids and sits with them till they fall asleep (the younger ones anyway) Needless to say it takes her the whole night. I can call her and it will be 10pm and kids still awake.