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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Blossom
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 Wed, Sep 13 2006, 12:23 am
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I agree with healthymama here. Seems like there other severe underlying issures for a child to have such disturbing thoughts and ideas.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Sep 13 2006, 2:31 am
| Quote: | | Oh, it's so good your husband pursued it! What a lucky boy to have such a concerned rebbi. He must have been SO RELIEVED! |
Yes! It’s great!
| Quote: | | by the same token at a recent bris in the family, my husband said that he blocked the view of the baby's 7 yr. old brother who didn't need to see a sight he could have found disturbing |
Good idea too. My parents are the same, but they probably push it too far  (I still haven’t been allowed to go to a bris or funeral).
| Quote: | | whose mothers used cloth diapers |
Oy, because there’s also a controversy with diapers ???
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happymom
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Wed, Sep 13 2006, 10:18 am
| Quote: | And from what I understand, most studies show that it is impossible to tell from a group of children in first grade or kindergarten, whose mothers stayed home, whose mothers breast fed them, whose mothers used cloth diapers, etc.
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this is simply not true. I have heard from a few teachers that they can tell the diff from the kids who have been in playgroup all the time and from those who are coming to school for the first time (we are talking about 2-3 year olds) the ones who were at home are less tense and dont cry from every little thing as much whereas the ones who were in playgroups at a young age, are used to people grabbing their toys, being forced to share when they weren't ready, and not given as much attention so they are more aggressive and not as happy.
THIS ISN'T ALWAYS TRUE obviously, but to say it makes NO DIFFERENCE is just ridiculous. of course it does!
I wouldnt believe studies today. not only are they saing some people have no choice and must work (which yes makes sense) they are saying its GOOD TO LEAVE YOUR BABY with a babysitter or in a playgroup  just because some ppl feel guilty doesnt mean they need to make things up to make themselves feel better!
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Chaya123
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Wed, Sep 13 2006, 10:38 am
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Obviously, it's the ideal for every mother to stay home with her children but not always possible. My daugher is at day care right here at work on premises so I can see her during the day and make sure she's well taken care of. I think the social interaction is wonderful, which she wouldn't get at home.
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gryp
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Wed, Sep 13 2006, 11:56 am
| Quote: | | I wouldnt believe studies today |
me neither.
not since I read that article in the Parents magazine about how kids raised by two parents and kids raised by a single mother turn out the same too! 
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amother
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Wed, Sep 13 2006, 11:58 am
| Quote: | | Oh, it's so good your husband pursued it! What a lucky boy to have such a concerned rebbi. He must have been SO RELIEVED! |
you can't imagine the relief. he was a completely different student afterwards, learning and participating like usual.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 5:44 am
| happymom wrote: | | they are saying its GOOD TO LEAVE YOUR BABY with a babysitter or in a playgroup |
A playgroup isn't bad. If they're only used to adults, school will be difficult...
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ssbarnes
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 9:28 am
| Ruchel wrote: | | If they really think so, why would they say that on Thursday you are for them and not for the company? They would just say they are happy you are with them, but not that when you are at work you are more interested in the company or not for them... I don't really understand that. |
Ruchel,
I think that you and I are just going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. When I worked outside the home, I was only in the office when they were in school. They knew that. But even so, they love that I am now working from home the entire day.
Many of their previous classmates had every high-tech gadget, expensive toy, etc. But they went to before school day care, after school day care and then to a nanny at home. My boys had all the neccessities, but we didn't spoil our children with possessions, but rather with our time. I do believe that this is not only why they thrive, but also why their peers want to come to our house after school rather than the other way around.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 9:38 am
| Quote: | | I think that you and I are just going to have to agree to disagree on this subject. |
Yup 
| Quote: | | When I worked outside the home, I was only in the office when they were in school. They knew that. But even so, they love that I am now working from home the entire day. |
Wow, they really couldn't complain if you only worked when they were in school! They don't know their luck... If you had told me that you come home at 9 pm, sure I would have understood that they prefer that you work at home!! But here it doesn't make any difference to them, unless I have not understood correctly...
| Quote: | | Many of their previous classmates had every high-tech gadget, expensive toy, etc. But they went to before school day care, after school day care and then to a nanny at home. My boys had all the neccessities, but we didn't spoil our children with possessions, but rather with our time. I do believe that this is not only why they thrive, but also why their peers want to come to our house after school rather than the other way around. |
Of course it's better if the mother doesn't work at all, or from home. But if she works when the children aren't there anyway... I personally do not see the problem. I totally see why children don't like when the parents work outside of the house, of course! What I don't see is why they think the parents are working "for the company" and not for them... anyway, let's agree to disagree...
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happymom
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 9:46 am
| Quote: | Wow, they really couldn't complain if you only worked when they were in school! They don't know their luck... If you had told me that you come home at 9 pm, sure I would have understood that they prefer that you work at home!! But here it doesn't make any difference to them, unless I have not understood correctly...
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maybe it wouldnt make a differnce to u but it made a difference to them. I can understand that.
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happymom
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 9:47 am
| Quote: | A playgroup isn't bad. If they're only used to adults, school will be difficult...
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most of the ones I know are unfortunately......
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gryp
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 9:57 am
| Quote: | | A playgroup isn't bad. If they're only used to adults, school will be difficult... |
its funny you say that because my 3 year old just started school for the first time in his life and he is and always has been very shy. but he feels comfortable around kids and teenagers, and starts hyperventilating when an adult even just says "hi" to him.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 10:09 am
| happymom wrote: | | Quote: | Wow, they really couldn't complain if you only worked when they were in school! They don't know their luck... If you had told me that you come home at 9 pm, sure I would have understood that they prefer that you work at home!! But here it doesn't make any difference to them, unless I have not understood correctly...
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maybe it wouldnt make a differnce to u but it made a difference to them. I can understand that. |
I really, honestly, don't understand. If mom is home when they are there, who cares where she is when they are not? My mom started working when I was 5ish, I don't remember being so complicated......
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Ruchel
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 10:09 am
| happymom wrote: | | Quote: | A playgroup isn't bad. If they're only used to adults, school will be difficult...
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most of the ones I know are unfortunately...... |
Of course, they need a good playgroup.
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happymom
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 10:14 am
| Quote: | Of course, they need a good playgroup.
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and where I live I dont know of any good ones. people have like 10 - 12 babies and two people or 7 babies and one person.... the rooms are dirty, the kids never go outseife....... there is like one crib........ its just NOT a good situation, I wouldnt send my kid to places like that.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Sep 14 2006, 10:30 am
| happymom wrote: | | Quote: | Of course, they need a good playgroup.
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and where I live I dont know of any good ones. people have like 10 - 12 babies and two people or 7 babies and one person.... the rooms are dirty, the kids never go outseife....... there is like one crib........ its just NOT a good situation, I wouldnt send my kid to places like that. |
Oy, you are right. This was totally not what I had in mind!
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ssbarnes
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Mon, Sep 18 2006, 5:53 am
| Ruchel wrote: | | Wow, they really couldn't complain if you only worked when they were in school! They don't know their luck... If you had told me that you come home at 9 pm, sure I would have understood that they prefer that you work at home!! But here it doesn't make any difference to them, unless I have not understood correctly.... |
I didn't see anything wrong with working while they were in school, which is why I was doing just that. If you have to work outside the home, that really is the best situation. When I asked them yesterday how they felt about me working outside the home, they remember that after school, I was tired and had all this housework to do rather than being able to sit with them or do a family activity.
I remember this feeling of never having enough time for anything. When I was at work, my mind was on the home. When I was at home I was thinking about work.
I realized that this was not the best situation for my family. So I looked to change that. That is why I now work from home. I fit my work into the bits of time I have.
I know how lucky they were and still are. I think that they are just now realizing how good they have it.
| Quote: | | Quote: | | Many of their previous classmates had every high-tech gadget, expensive toy, etc. But they went to before school day care, after school day care and then to a nanny at home. My boys had all the neccessities, but we didn't spoil our children with possessions, but rather with our time. I do believe that this is not only why they thrive, but also why their peers want to come to our house after school rather than the other way around. |
Of course it's better if the mother doesn't work at all, or from home. But if she works when the children aren't there anyway... I personally do not see the problem. I totally see why children don't like when the parents work outside of the house, of course! What I don't see is why they think the parents are working "for the company" and not for them... anyway, let's agree to disagree... |
My children did not say that I was "working" for the company and not for them. They said that they liked that the day was meant for them. Who doesn't like to feel special?
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amother
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Tue, May 27 2008, 8:12 pm
Someone told me that when they visit her mother, they never eat in the house (too complicated re kashrus).
When they visit her in-laws, she has always been embarrassed by the junky little toys her mother-in-law buys for the kids, the kind of things she would throw in the garbage, it's that bad.
How suprised she was to hear WHAT HER CHILDREN WERE THINKING (thread title):
Every time we go to Grandma we go for pizza - we love that!
And what we love about [our other grandmother] are those toys she gives us!
She was
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freidasima
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Tue, May 27 2008, 9:01 pm
This thread is demeaning.
Most women who work have to work to help support the family, particularly in the charedi world if their husband is learning and their parents can't help them. How exactly is a kollel wife supposed to live when she has six kids if she doesn't work? And guess what?! The kids understand.
Other women go crazy sitting home with babies. They need to get out on a part/full time basis with adults to keep their sanity. What can you do...some women just aren't built psychologically to be at home with infants year after year. But to pay for the childcare they have to work, not take an exercise and crafts class every day. So they work. Better they should stick their head in an oven? I deal enough with those young mothers at work. Their kids see a frazzled mother at home and a happy mother coming back from work who stays happier than when she was at home full time. The kids understand.
A third group of women stay home when their children are babies and go to work as soon as the kids go to school. To pay yeshiva tuition which is killing the family. Not everyone is a doctor and lawyer and stockbroker in spite of the stereotypes. And when you have five kids or more on yeshiva tuition, where pray tell, are you going to get the $50,000 a year or more that you need and that is without camp, without extras, just tuition?! And let's not even mention paying for dorm if you don't live in a jewish area with good jewish education for high school...the kids understand.
What do kids think? Well here in EY almost every woman works. From the time the baby is 3 months old. Is it good? ?Is it bad? Who knows. But the kids think it is totally normal. One kid whose mother stayed home for longer with a new baby was talking to his friends in cheyder sayiing that mommy is home when he gets home for lunch and sometimes only gets up then (she was nursing full time nights..). The friends were super nice to him thinking that she was another lady coming down, lo aleinu, with yenne machla like so many young women in their community...
What do kids think? Depends what you teach them, what their friend's situations are.
My mother worked in America full time. When we moved here I was almost an adult and in sem and after three months of having my mother home I said "ma, go get a job, you are driving us all crazy staying home".
That's what kids think.
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mimivan
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Tue, May 27 2008, 9:35 pm
yes, we are in E.Y...and I was able to keep ds home till the age of 3 and work nights.
People thought I was weird. But that's not why I went to work full time eventually. I work full time because we wouldn't be able to eat otherwise.
To put a woman, whose income is needed to put food on the table, through some pointless guilt trip is very mean spirited.
It is no wonder why the the OP posted anonymously.
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