Mitzva Tanz - did you have one?

dlj

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 6:47 am

I know there have been previous threads on this and I went back and read through them but still had some questions I wanted to ask.

Let me give you some background about me...we are not chassidish and it is not our minhag to have a mitzva tanz. Most people would describe us as very frum modern orthodox. We use what we consider a true definition of modern orthodoxy and do get frustrated by the overuse and incorrect use of the term. My husband learnt in yeshiva for many years, and we run a very frum home with lots of learning, no TV etc. At our wedding, we of course had very tall mechitzos around the dancing. DH and I made the decision that he wouldn't come to the ladies side to dance with me, as we were worried that DH's mom and some of his aunts might get the wrong idea and want to join in and we did not want there to be any mixed dancing at our wedding. I didn't feel it was tzanua to go to the men's side and dance there with lots of men watching, so DH and I never danced together on our wedding night. I never danced with my Dad, nor my only grandfather. DH never danced with his mom either. I still sometimes regret this, but am happy that it was the right decision to make given the circumstances.

I recently became slightly fascinated with the concept of a mitzva tanz, and watched a few videos on youtube. In all honesty, I found myself quite moved at how special some of them were, but it left me with lots of questions, and I'd love to understand the minhag in greater detail, and more from a bride's perspective. (In case it isn't obvious to you, I've never been to a wedding with a mitzva tantz). I am honestly here to learn about them and not to judge at all...just completely curious to know more.

Who do you dance with?
When you dance with your father and when you dance with chosson do you hold hands rather than hold the gartel?
Do any women watch (the videos on youtube just showed lots of men crowded round)? If not, did you feel lonely or isolated as only woman in the room?
What did you wear - I noticed some brides had turbans on, some had sheitls with a veil, some had just a sheitl, others had also added a mask covering their face, some had almost like a shawl draped over the top half of their dress (I liked this as often I think wedding dresses are too tight!). Did you feel comfortable in what you were wearing?
Did you feel it was not tzanua in any way to be standing with loads of men watching you?
What did it feel like to stand while people danced at the end of the gartel? Could you watch if you had your face covered? Do you look at the Rebbes or just look down and daven?
It's not me being nosy, but just me being curious, and would love if you could share your experiences of it and how it made you feel.

Thanks so much.

Yocheved84

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 7:25 am

Great question, and I'd also love to know more as I'm also guilty (is that the right word?) of YouTubing many Mitzva Tanzes to see what they were like. Smile

intrigued

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 8:27 am

They youtube ones are usaully ones of Rebbishe families and therefore are a much larger crowd.

I went to one of my cousins. They only had very close family there. There were a few rows of chairs for the woman and the Kallah sat at the front. Every time the Badchan would introduce someone she would stand up and they would dance and she would just stand holding the other end of the Gartel except when it was her father or Grandfather with them she would hold their hand and she was still didn't move much.

At then end she danced with her Chosson. But it was all in a very Tznius way. It was so beautiful. It's a shame as all all my cousins are married now and this was the only one I was able to attend to. So I don't think I would get to see one again. I am upset as my parents come from Chasidish homes but I was never in the right country except for this last one. So my experiences is only based on this one wedding.

Maya

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 9:26 am

1. We dance without a gartel with anyone related by blood, like father and grandfathers, and the chosson.

2. The women are all sitting opposite the men. In fact, the chosson sits near the kallah, at the women's section.

3. The people I know all wore just their sheitels, as they had been wearing for the entire wedding since the chuppa. There are some people who may wear a sheer veil, but that's just for the Rebbishe, I think.

Sorry, I can't help you with feelings. It's not something I delved into and thought about deeply. Smile

kitov

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 9:31 am

If I remember correctly, mitzvah tanz is, and that's what the name implies too btw, to give the men a chance of kaytzad merakdim lifnei hakallah.

mpk

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 10:33 am

I had one and am not Chassidish. I wore my hair (as we put on the wig the next day). Like the other poster said, no gartel for blood relatives. That said my married brother would only use a gartel. Between the dances when the badchan speaks the choson and kallah sit together on the women's side.

nechami1

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 10:35 am

sorry, but I cant help noticing that I just started a thread this morning called Mitzvah Tanz, why do it, did you plaegerise my thread? Just wondered!

dlj

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 11:23 am

No...sorry...I totally hadn't noticed your thread. Apologies if you felt it was plagiarism. When I searched for threads, I spelt 'tanz' but your thread didn't come up as you spelt it 'tantz'!

ChossidMom

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 11:39 am

I am not from a Chassidish background and I had a mitzva tanz because I married a chossid.

At the mitzva tanz we both sat together with all the women behind us (watching carefully, lol). There wasn't a real badchan but there was some guy from the chassidus saying some stuff and each time he finished saying his piece I would dance with someone. First I danced with my dad (no gartel). Then I danced with dh's father with a gartel (well, neither one of us really danced but that's besides the point) and then I danced wih my husband without a gartel, with both hands. For me it was actually alot of fun. Maybe too much fun lol. After I waltzed around the hall with my daddy one of the Amshinov ladies (wife of dh's friend) came over to tell me what a serious time mitzva tanz is. I guess she expected me to be solemn but I was having too much fun!

Now that I'm older and more experienced I know that the time of the mitzva tanz is a special "es ratzon" for davening and some maintain that it's even holier than the chupa! That's why you'll often find the kallah davening, crying, hugging mother + mil after each dance etc.

At the Gur weddings I've been to, they set up the men's side of the hall so that all the men + the chosson are seated at a 90 degree angle to the women. The kallah sits with the women but she can see her chosson at all ties (of course she doesn't look hehe) and they both watch the badchan intensely till it's time to dance. Usually it's only the close family that stay for the mitzva tanz and not friends but sometimes friends stay too. At my wedding my friends couldn't wait to see me dance with my husband!!!

chocolate moose

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 12:29 pm

...

Sherri

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 12:52 pm

nechami1 wrote:

sorry, but I cant help noticing that I just started a thread this morning called Mitzvah Tanz, why do it, did you plaegerise my thread? Just wondered!

The spirit of your thread is a little different than this one.

flowerpower

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 12:55 pm

I didn't read the other nor I intent do. I did have one and must say it was the nicest part of the wedding. It is usually for family also and you get a chance to dance with your father, husband, grandfather....it is truly an emotional time.

Chayalle

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 1:03 pm

I didn't have one.

My brother had a Mitzvah Tanz. My SIL's father was already very ill at the time and he passed away a month after their wedding. Amazingly, he danced with all his strength while the rest of us cried. My SIL has it on video, and it's one of her most cherished memories of her time with her father.

amother

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 1:17 pm

I come from a rebbisha bakground I was horrified with this you tube mitzvah tantz I saw my uncle dancing a mitzvah tantz with a beautiful song then a while later I see the same crowd but a goyisha song

canada

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 1:35 pm

Maya wrote:

I could help with feelings, since that is my strong forte Wink

.

It is a beautiful time for the chosson and kallah. I found it very emotional.

married21

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 1:44 pm

Actually, I really enjoyed my Mitzvah Tantz. It was for me, the most memorable part of my wedding.

It felt really special to dance with my father and chosson. Lots of emotions involved.

I personally think it’s a beautiful way to end the wedding.

married21

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 1:47 pm

On a funny note, I was once describing what at mitzvah tantz entails to my non-chassidish BT workmate… She really flipped out!!

Until I actually bought her my wedding pictures, and showed her that yes, we actually dance with out chosson holding handing, she thought I was pulling her leg.

Ruchel

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 2:44 pm

Something interesting!!

I asked my saba who grew up in Krakow, he said mitzva tantz happened extremely often... but only with the chosson!

MMCH

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 3:39 pm

we had one, because 'were hiemish" as my mother said lol. Even though were not chassidishe, have alot of chassidishe minhagim (background). So all my sibs had them.
I held a gartel with everyone but my father and chosson, and to be completley honest was not in the mindset at alll. I do remember being embarssed and shy with my chosson, adn being awkward, like nto knowing what to do.
But dancing with my father, was extremely special.

nechami1

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 3:40 pm

hi, just logged in, I am sorry didnt mean to sound so brutal before! You are right- threads are different.Sorry.................