Slumber party on a school night

6coop

Sun, Mar 06 2011, 12:02 pm

My 9 year old dd (4th grade) was invited to a slumber party on a Monday night of a full school week. She is only one of three other girls invited and the mother says that she will pick them up from school and then drop them back off in school the next morning.

My gut instinct is not not allow her to go. Not only is it a school night, but it's a Monday night, which will mean that if she doesn't sleep, then her entire week will be off. Not to mention that my dh and I are usually pretty makpid about our kids' bedtimes on school nights, and this particular dd really needs her sleep. She attends a school that is academically demanding and they have a lot of work and homework, so being out of it for a day or two can definitely have an impact.

On the other hand, this girl is one of dd's best friends and I would feel so bad for this other girl if she doesn't have people attending her party (my dd accounts for a third of the guests). I can't believe that this mother planned this on a school night! She's otherwise a very sweet and normal woman. I like her a lot and my dd goes to her house often, but this seems way out there to me. What do you think?

LondonIma

Sun, Mar 06 2011, 12:23 pm

Can she go home with this girl after school and be collected half an hour before bed? This was she still gets to "celebrate" with her friends but won't have a disrupted night. It's challenging to know what the right decision is but as you said, it's a monday night and could really impact her whole week. Is your DD the kind of child who would understand if you discussed it with her- Good luck.

Yocheved84

Sun, Mar 06 2011, 12:36 pm

I would ask the mother if the kids are having a homework hour that day, or if the teacher is letting these girls be excused from their responsibilities for the night. Tell the mom that your daughter needs her sleep, you're grateful for the invite, etc etc, but can she stay until bedtime? Heck--even pack PJs, so when you pick up your daughter, all you have to do is bring schlep her stuff and when she gets home, put her in bed....

Mrs Bissli

Sun, Mar 06 2011, 5:03 pm

A minority dissenting opinion here. I don't see much difference between an after-school birthday party on weekday night vs a sleepover party. Whichever way they won't have much time to work on homework, unless the hosting family makes sure to have a time for it. As long as it's their responsibility to get the girls on time the following day, I would be less concerned. You can also plan to make things low-key the following day so she can catch up with extra sleep if needed.

mamommommy

Sun, Mar 06 2011, 5:20 pm

Mrs Bissli wrote:

I think an overnight party is patently different than a typical after school party. An after-school party would usually last about 2 hours, so even if the party begins at 5:30/6:00, then it would be over by 7:30/8:00, still leaving at least some time for school work. Even if on that night your child goes to sleep a little late, it would still be completely different than a sleepover party with a bunch of giggling 9 year-old girls, who, despite your best efforts, may easily stay awake until 11:00-12:00 pm (BTDT).

There is also a very big difference for most kids between a night's sleep in their own bed, than in a sleeping bag on the floor in someone's basement. Additionally, if op's dd really is in an 'academically demanding' program, then it's highly unlikely that any night (especially a weeknight) can be 'low-key'.

I don't think that it's the right thing to do to a child, who will still have to perform in school the next day and do all their corresponding homework, nor do I think it will make for an especially fun slumber party if the girls are forced into bed with lights-out and silence at 9:00 at night.

I'm sure that a one-time thing won't hurt your child forever, but I do think that your instinct is probably correct in not letting her sleep over. I do, however, agree with others that you might let her go and then pick her up at bedtime so that she can at least participate in the official party activities. Something tells me that you won't be the only mother who will be doing this.

emama

Sun, Mar 06 2011, 5:46 pm

Another vote for an early pick-up. Choose a time to pick her up, but I'd be in contact w/her earlier to determine if she's had enough time to complete her homework. If not, she might need to come home earlier. I used to do this for my kids, even on a weekend, since they couldn't handle the lack of sleep, and would treat us to an awful day on Sunday, or be sick by Monday.
No need to have such an extended party on a school night.