Found out about divorce on Facebook.

Mimisinger

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 7:44 am

Recently, it showed up on my newsfeed that two acquaintances of dh and mine got divorced. How did they announce it to the world? By both changing their status on facebook from married to single. People on both of their walls are freaking out and not understanding what happened.

I guess, I don't know a better way for people to do this, otoh, it's just so jarring to see it done that way.

Dh thinks we need a website, onlytzaros.com so people can list what happened to them and the world would know.

I unfortunately, know of quite a few couples that got divorced. But none handled it this way even on facebook. Some people just got off facebook, some people just took married off, I don't know I'm just in such shock as it came out of nowhere.

Yocheved84

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 7:52 am

I think it's very gauche to do it that way. Most people simply removed their marriage status. There is no need to list "divorced"--it's a bit "de classe" and only causes a bit of drama/attention. Sorry, just my opinion. On the other hand, I took out the entire personal section of my FB (marital status, phone #, quotation, etc.,) and people thought I got divorced :/

Chavelamomela

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 7:55 am

I think you're taking way too much time and thought to something that is really not your business.

I think it was probably the most effective and efficient way of informing friends whom they didn't feel needed a phone call.

Really, stop overthinking why people do these things. Divorce is HARD. don't criticize their way of informing the world.

Barbara

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 8:26 am

Mimisinger wrote:

It may be jarring for others, but its certainly less emotionally taxing for them than calling dozens of acquaintances and having to deflect intrusive questions, or being hit with the ever-awkward *how IS that wonderful husband of yours*

I assume that their close friends would have noticed that they no longer live together, and that one's telephone number has presumably changed.

MuppetLover

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 8:36 am

I agree with above posters.
If chas vshalom something happened in your life, you wouldnt go around telling the whole world "hey so guess what I got a great skirt on sale, and btw, I got divorced, ok? Kosher Freichlin Pesach if I dont speak to you!"....
It may disturb you, but its their life...and its better than hearing it through the "grapevine" at shul...no one speaks lshon hara this way!

robynm

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 8:39 am

I just removed the whole relationship status. but I guess ppl realized when I deleted all my albums and untagged myself from any friends photos that both of us were in. so I guess that sent a pretty loud message.

im sorry u feel shocked. but its not baout u. for me it was a form of therapy. every picture I deleted. was me healing in a small small way. and it was announcing to the world. and not having to actually talk to them.

StrawberrySmoothie

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 8:41 am

MuppetLover wrote:

Its naive to think there still wont be lashon haro spoken. Divorce is everyones favorite topic to gossip and speculate about.

robynm

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 8:48 am

StrawberrySmoothie wrote:

MuppetLover wrote:

Its naive to think there still wont be lashon haro spoken. Divorce is everyones favorite topic to gossip and speculate about.

and u could be sure that what you hear is mostly lies!!!

StrawberrySmoothie

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 8:51 am

robynm wrote:

StrawberrySmoothie wrote:

MuppetLover wrote:

Its naive to think there still wont be lashon haro spoken. Divorce is everyones favorite topic to gossip and speculate about.

and u could be sure that what you hear is mostly lies!!!

exactly!! if it is going around town at the speed of lightning and sounds oh so juicy- dont believe it!!

MrsDash

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 8:56 am

I've known many people who did it that way. I don't understand why people take some of these things on facebook seriously. It's facebook, a silly website on the internet. If there is something of a legitimate nature, then talk on the phone or in person.

robynm

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 8:58 am

yoshi wrote:

are u saying that your against it or ok w it?

zaq

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 9:01 am

The only ppl who should be told personally were surely told personally. IOW, if you're a close friend, you either knew it was going to happen or were told shortly before or after. FB "friends" and acquaintances are owed neither an announcement nor an explanation.

Oh, and if you're offended that you weren't told personally, perhaps you were mistaken as to the depth of your relationship. But I think not; you did describe the couple as "acquaintances", not "friends". One of the differences between the two is how much of one's personal life one reveals to one or the other. Now you know.

Last edited by zaq on Fri, Mar 25 2011, 9:06 am; edited 1 time in total

Capitalchick

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 9:04 am

Chavelamomela wrote:

Couldn't agree more.
It's terribly insensitive to criticize people who are going through a divorce for not informing the world of their bad news in a manner that you find appropriate. Just as we don't criticize people for grieving the loss of a child/spouse/parent in an odd manner (because we realize that life-changing tragedies make people act in funny ways sometimes), so too should be sensitive to just accept the way people's news about divorce is transmitted to us.

StrawberrySmoothie

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 9:04 am

zaq wrote:

MrsDash

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 9:15 am

robynm wrote:

yoshi wrote:

are u saying that your against it or ok w it?

Both.
1. I've never been put into such a situation, and how I would react is a complete mystery to me. The anger and sadness one feels as a result of this, is not my place to judge.
2. Some people think they "must" fill in every single question and empty box on facebook, and seriously not knowing they have a choice. (These are the same people who let facebook decide their security features.)
3. I have found things out online (not just facebook) about family before I even knew about it. People are so concerned about being the FIRST to post something, that they can cause unnecessary pain to other's because of their gossipy selfishness.
4. I'm not exactly the type of person who shares their every second of life on facebook. There are some things that should stay off the inter-web.

Ruchel

Fri, Mar 25 2011, 9:23 am

I saw a young marriage deteriorating and finally breaking up online.

The girl I was kinda "mentoring" during engagement told me she was too afraid to tell me what was going on and shock me. Crying