Dan Lekaf Zechus vs. Whitewashing

1stimer

Fri, Mar 11 2005, 2:03 am

I think some people confuse dan lekaf zechus with white washing a bad deed.

For example, dan lekaf zechus is to say:

he's a frum jew, I just saw him in mcdonalds - so 'it must be that either he didn't know it's not kosher, he's not himself or he has some medical issue etc.

however we can't white wash the action and say he's a frum jew therefore it is ok for him to eat in mcdonalds - he probably has a heter.

Frum jews also do aveiros - however most times it's a mistake or through ignorance.

Rivka

Sat, Mar 12 2005, 5:04 pm

I don't know if people white-wash what people do. I think you are more likely to find people saying bad things about the person rather than give them the benefit of the doubt. Also benefit of the doubt is not to say someone isn't frum coz they went into McDonalds, I have been into McDonalds coz it was the closest place with a toilet. Someone would have seen me and knew me might have said "oh look she eats at McDonalds, but maybe she had a heter" that is completely a wrong assumption. I don't think you are meant to assume anything when being don lekaf zechus. You are just meant to think "they have a good reason for it" If you know they don't then there is nothing to be don lekaf zechus about.

gryp

Sat, Mar 12 2005, 5:07 pm

Quote:

I have been into McDonalds coz it was the closest place with a toilet.

what would we do without McDonalds? Very Happy

basmalkah

Sun, Mar 13 2005, 1:57 pm

I think that if we would all worry about ourselves, the world would be a much better place!! It would definitely be a less judgmental place, where people would not constantly be looking behind their backs to see if someone is looking or not!! Of course, we do have to care for others, but we need to be careful to look too deeply into everything we other doing. We all became such yentes, let's just take care of ourselves and judge others favorably without telling others about what we see. When we see something questionable by someone else, don't go and repeat to someone else and then say, "oh, guess what is saw!! but we need to be dan l'kaf zchus." Just don't repeat it!!

lucy

Thu, Mar 17 2005, 3:27 pm

I completely agree with u Basmalka. PPL should now perhaps if you will, be a little selfcentered=look at yourself and work on yourself.
Plus no one has the right to judge others.

& HOw in the world would anyone get a heter to eat in macdonalds? COme on!

Tefila

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:12 pm

Scenerio a) you r driving and see a teenage boy holding what looks like a two yr old girl and she is crying....... what would you the observer/witness think , what would you do?

I will post scenerio b) You are in the supermarket and you see this toddler grabbing something and opening to eat it. The mother smacked the toddler and yelled something inaudible a diff language. What would you the witness/obsever think , what would you do?

Last edited by Tefila on Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

Nomad

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:15 pm

a)
depends...
is the girl screaming and crying "I dont know you!!"
does the boy look like the little girl (religious clothing styles, features)?

I would want to make sure she wasnt being kidnapped...Maybe by approaching the girl and saying oooh...what happened?? and gauge the boys reaction...
otherwise, I would just think it her brother and shes crying for whatever reason..

b)
The hitting the toddler bothers me...
is it her kid? I wouldnt say anything
Is it a babysitter of a jewish kid? maybe would ask for name and tell the mom
Need more info

Last edited by Nomad on Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:20 pm; edited 1 time in total

Flowerchild

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:16 pm

hmm interesting, I probably would wonder whats going on, it could be his sister so she is two maybe she didnt get what she wants etc. but I get nervous around such situations and I feel very cautious but you never know. I probably would ask why she is crying or if she is ok and see what he says

Tovah

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:17 pm

it's his sister. I wouldn't think anything of it cause what teenage boy wants to deal with a cranky 2 yr old?

Flowerchild

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:20 pm

in the second situation I wouldnt say anything but maybe offer some kind of help. the mother could be tired and frustrated and I know how it is going shopping in a store with a toddler, it can get exhausting shopping like that so we slip sometimes. so offering help of some kind would be nice, or even a kind word which she hopefully will understand

Flowerchild

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:21 pm

tovah you never know, I read in a newspaper the other day that a 12 year old kidnapped a toddler for like two days, they got her but still. so anything is possible

avigayil

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:26 pm

How does a 12 year old keep a 2 year old for 2 days?
Didn't her parents notice something was a little unusal to say the least when they heard screaming and crying from wherever she put the child? shock

Tefila

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 6:30 pm

Ok so what really happend scenerio a) since you partially guessed right I will fill you in.
It was my son and she decided she didn't want the stroller. So I let her hold on whilst one hand I held her she started crying b/c she wanted to walk alone. I told my son to carry her home since we were just two blocks away I didn't need her crying to wake up her twin brother.

Meanwhilst a women who was walking took out her cell phone and had dialed the police. I had the police by my doorstep (obviously my son was followed), within min. imagine my shock at what they were asking lol.

Scenerio b) you are all still way off so I will let you try to continue to guess Tongue Out

cindy324

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 9:20 pm

Wow, Tefila that's an experience to reminisce about 20 years from now!

I guess that's a good sign that people care about people in ur neighborhood, or it's a sign that they just wanted to cause trouble for a jewish family Confused

Secbeb

Thu, Jun 08 2006, 9:41 pm

question Tefila - did the mother actually smack the child on the face? Or was she maybe smacking the child's hand away from eating the food. Who knows? Maybe it wasn't kosher. . and she didn't want the child to eat non-kosher (she was yelling in hebrew. . )? I don't know. Thank G-d I have not yet seen a person slapping their child across the face anywhere. . I honestly don't know what I would think or do.

Chani

Fri, Jun 09 2006, 7:31 am

maybe it is something that the child is allergic to, like peanuts and so could be very dangerous

JRKmommy

Fri, Jun 09 2006, 8:37 am

I automatically assumed that the 12 yr old boy could be a brother. Dh always did stuff with his sister, who was 14 yrs younger. Two year olds cry - it doesn't usually get my attention unless there is something unusual.

Scenario 2 - I don't like smacking kids for any reason (I think that simply grabbing it out of their hands works just as well), so I would notice - but smacking a hand isn't illegal so I would likely just look and see what happened next. If the parent wasn't speaking English (or any other language I knew), I would be less likely to say anything b/c they may not understand.

Ruchel

Fri, Jun 09 2006, 8:53 am

Secbeb wrote:

Thank G-d I have not yet seen a person slapping their child across the face anywhere. . I honestly don't know what I would think or do.

Never? wow, it's so common in France... I see it at least once every time I go to shul...