I'm sorry... | Imamother

Shopmiami49

Sun, May 15 2011, 2:44 pm

I am cringing. I just read this thread and have my hands over my burning face. I can not believe that I started such a post. I can not believe that I was so harsh and judegmental. I can not believe that I was so angry! I can not believe some of the things that I wrote. I can not believe some of the responses that I wrote.

To all the Imamothers, seminary girls, chessed girls, mothers of seminary girls, Imamothers who have done chessed in sem, Imamothers who have fantastic chessed help now, and anyone else who I have unintentionally not included:

I am so so so sorry for the way that I broached this subject. Not an excuse, but more of an explanation; I was just after birth and was going through a whole lot of h**l on a personal level. This issue with the sem girls was the icing on the cake after an entire year of really hard stuff going on. I myself have loads to work on. Part of which being that I need to learn how to communicate my needs better and not be a people pleaser. Yes, I had a really bad stroke of luck with chesed help last year, but looking back after having worked on myself in many areas, it is so obvious to me that the issue could have been on a much lesser scale had I spoken up earlier on instead of waiting till I lost it. I let a whole year of pent up feelings build up, including humiliation (at not being able to afford the help I needed and having to settle with somethign that clearly was not workign for me - to the extent that I felt so degraded), resentment, hurt, anxiety (waiting and waiting for my help to show up...and them never coming), humiliation again (that I can't even be respected enough to deserve a phone call to be informed of a change of plans), etc. I could have just as easily been more realistic with myself and with my chessed girls and more clear instead of letting the feelings keep on accumilating.

I never meant to give over the message that I felt that I was entitled to free help jsut because I chose to have the amount of children that I do. L'hefech, I love my kids more than anything in the world and most of time, it is pure nachas to raise them. I would never choose to bring children into this world if it were contingent on having reliable chessed help. I felt then (and still feel now) that the only thing I, along with anybody else, was entitled to was a little more responsibility. If you know that someone is relying on you or expecting, it is only right to call them or inform them in some way if you can not make it. Those women out there who do have chessed help, for whatever reasons, may be able to relate to me when I say this: It could be a big swallow in pride to allow yourself to accept chessed help when you need it. On top of that, though, if you have to go chasing after your help and always feeling like you are so unimportant in their schedule is even more degrading. I totally understand those posters who wrote from their own experiences, that chessed really was a pain and that they really were not interested. I'm not arguing any point here. I am just speaking from my own pain that I experienced.

Having wrote all of the above, I am not trying to excuse myself in any way for the tone in which I wrote my original post and responded to some posters. I was wrong. It was unfair of me to put all seminary girls under one title, leaving out all those who are in fact amazing and innocent and pleasures to have around. I was obviously so caught up in my emotions (and hormones) and did not consider all the aspects before ventign to let off steam like that.

So again, I am very sorry to all of you who were offended by what I wrote and how I wrote it. I hope that you can all find a place in your heart to forgive me. I almost did not write this apology, but I was so horrified when I read the original post that I felt it was only fair to offer an apology.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

-Shopmiami49