eating before you | Imamother

yo'ma

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 2:07 pm

MGmom wrote:

Dh usually waits so automatically guests feel uncumfy to start but they sumtimes do. I dont like to walk in wth my plate and see bones n stones on d table.

I don't serve like that. I put everything out on the table in serving dishes and everyone serves themselves.

zaq

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 2:53 pm

yo'ma wrote:

MGmom wrote:

Dh usually waits so automatically guests feel uncumfy to start but they sumtimes do. I dont like to walk in wth my plate and see bones n stones on d table.

I don't serve like that. I put everything out on the table in serving dishes and everyone serves themselves.

I serve family-style, too, but B"H there's usually a lot to put out and it takes time to put it all on the table even with my "kitchen staff" helping. But I prefer my guests to start eating without me. It would be most inconsiderate of me to expect them to sit around waiting till it suits me to make my appearance at table.

Della

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 2:59 pm

I prefer everyone start eating , especially when the food's hot. DH is always waiting for me, and I'm always saying , "Start, start!".

I serve family style, and even if there's quite alot to serve, no one is usually done by the time I sit down. If I see people are uncomfortable starting before I sit down (which is very nice, BTW), I encourage DH, and they follow, to begin.

Lakewood

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 3:01 pm

zaq wrote:

yo'ma wrote:

MGmom wrote:

Dh usually waits so automatically guests feel uncumfy to start but they sumtimes do. I dont like to walk in wth my plate and see bones n stones on d table.

I don't serve like that. I put everything out on the table in serving dishes and everyone serves themselves.

Some would say that it is inconsiderate for the guest to start eating when the person that prepared and worked hard for the meal is still in the kitchen/serving. No one is staving that they can't wait the five minutes.

That being said, I'm all about starting to eat even if I am still in the kitchen. But, I will usually wait if I am guest at someone else's table.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 3:20 pm

amother wrote:

so when you have company over on shabbos when you are serving the food / main course, do u mind if everyone starts eating, and by the time u come to sit down they are almost done??

In my home as well as my home growing up, the food is all brought out, not just by myself or the lady of the house.
In my home now, my husband and I both, and if we have guests, whomever wants to help, brings the food to the table.
Growing up, it was the same, not just my mother brought the food to the table.

And then all of the food goes around the table, with the everyone sitting at the table.

Tablepoetry

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 3:38 pm

I put the platters on the table, usually helped by dh or by a child. It takes all of one minute. How many platters are there? They are already organized and ready to be placed on the table, maximum a serving spoon needs to be placed in them. Even if there are six platters - it takes all of three trips for two people.
How far are your kitchens from your dining table? Mine is adjacent, but even if it took one entire minute to walk the distance, and even if each person held only one plate at a time, only three minutes would be needed to place 6 platters on the table. It usually takes people a lot longer to serve themselves, let alone eat!

Now, if you are taking up all this time to clean and tidy, that's something else. But I don't think the beginning of the meal is the time to do that.

ElTam

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 4:54 pm

I make it a point that if I start before the hostess, I just eat a bite or two and eat very slowly. I would not want my hostess to sit down as I was wiping my plate with the challah.

BH my husband is a very slow eater and gets busy talking to guests and forgets to serve himself, so I always have at least Dh to eat with!

mo5

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 5:06 pm

If I have hot food from the ove, I don't send out the other food til I've started pattering all of it. So there might be some time for everyone to wait chat sing dvar Torah etc between courses, but it all comes at once.

Raisin

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 5:31 pm

I try and put all the food on platters, and only then put it out. So everything goes out together, and people knoe what is there. ie they don't fill theri plate up with kugel and then realise there is rice as well.

That way I sit down pretty soon after the food.

Ema of 5

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 5:49 pm

on friday night I put everything onto platters before taking it all out, that way everyone knows EVERYTHING thats there before they fill up on something and then realize theres something else they want. it usually takes about the time of one song, so no one really notices that its not there cuz theyre occupied.
during the day, the only hot food I serve is cholent and anything else I decide to put into it (sometimes kugel, kishka, hot dogs, etc) so I put everything else on platters before my company comes so all I have to do is take them out. its takes all of 2-3 minutes to do the cholent and everything involved, and I usually have help taking everything out, so that also takes about the same time as a song.

zaq

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 6:50 pm

The correct etiquette as relayed by the Misses Post, Vanderbilt and Manners, is to wait till the host or hostess begins eating a course before digging in oneself UNLESS said host or hostess urges the assemblage to begin without him or her.

From http://www.etiquettescholar.co......html

When to Start Eating

At a small table of only two to four people, wait until everyone else has been served before starting to eat. At a formal or business meal, you should either wait until everyone is served to start or begin when the host asks you to.

In this context, a Shabbat dinner is a formal meal.

zaq

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 6:58 pm

amother wrote:

I have to put the food on the platters then out it out? ur telling me before ur guests come u have ur chicken/meat on the platter?? isnt it in the oven/blech or hotplate ?

There are two basic styles of serving: Family style, in which the serving dish goes out to the table and each diner takes what he likes from the dish as it makes its way around the table; and plated dinners, which is the type of service you usually get in a fine restaurant, in which each individual's portions of main and sides are arranged on a dinner plate in the kitchen and brought out and served to each person that way.

chocolate moose

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 7:18 pm

zaq wrote:

I'm SURE that most guests don't know this, and then what?

zaq

Tue, Dec 20 2011, 7:50 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

zaq wrote:

I'm SURE that most guests don't know this, and then what?

Then those who know can correctly identify those who don't know, and can feel grateful to their mothers for teaching them the right thing to do.

From what I have seen as both a guest and a hostess, most do appear to know this.We must travel in different circles. Only occasionally does a guest start eating before dh or me. I once embarrassed myself by taking my cue from the person sitting across from me at a large table rather than from my host. This person started eating the first course, I followed suit, and only then noticed that the host had not yet begun. Oops.

Look, it's not a disaster if a guest digs in first. It's merely impolite--and in the hierarchy of impoliteness, it's relatively low. It's not like asking the balebos how much he paid for his house, picking your nose, employing your used fork to excavate the cholent bowl, describing your colonoscopy, or a host of other abuses.