Q and A about Chaseedishe life

First Lady

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 1:53 am

Chayitty. Squash very nicely explained it on page 7. Here goes:

Squash wrote:

just want to also explain the thing about some chassidish men not eating out (in general, nothing to do with the "together with the wife" thing). many really serious, ehrlich chassidish men will not eat in restaurants for one or both of the following reasons:

1-they don't trust "mass produced" food and hechsherim. one of my bil even brings along his own food when he goes to a sheva brochos cuz he doesn't rely on most cateres/hechsherim.

2- they feel it is not proper/correct to eat in public. "ha'ochel b'shuk domeh l'kelev". and they believe it is not refined/becoming to be seen eating in public.

Mama Bear

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 8:46 am

chayitty wrote:

mama bear....is that for kashrus reasons??...is it tznuis?..I just dont really understand

'spast nisht, simply. You wont ever find a certain class of people in a food establishment... Ive never seen a serious kollel man (in williamsburg) in apizza shop, even if for takeout.

My MIL never buys takeout to save money Very Happy

chocolate moose

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 9:37 am

Mama Bear wrote:

I also never ever eat out or buy takeout food, wonder if my kids think it's a "minhag". that's where they come from, r ight ?

Maya

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 10:21 am

I guess this is another area in which there are no set rules. I have eaten many meals, at one point it was every week, in Lee Avenue Pizza Shop, together with my husband. We couldn't afford a restaurant, but we wanted to eat out, so the pizza shop was the perfect place.

But I will admit two things: a) he's not a kollel yungerman b) I rarely saw another Chassidish man in the place.

Motek

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 10:44 am

First Lady wrote:

I absolutely don't view seeing movies as doing something together with the husband. You're not spending quality time together focusing on each others you're just watching something together and the focus is on whatever you're watching.

I disagree. I'll compare it to both of you reading the same article or book. As you do it, you are not focusing on one another, true, but once you have both watched or read the same thing, you've had a shared experience which you can discuss.

And I don't think that focusing on one another is the definition of doing something together. When husband and wife play a game together, when friends go shopping or play a game together, the emphasis is on the shared activity.

flowerpower

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 10:55 am

How does watching a movie mean spending "quality" time together? U sit quietly munching on popcorn and soda and dont talk until the movie is over-how is that comminicating and speaking to the spouse?

Ruchel

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 11:06 am

I see many frum men/families in restaurants and pizza shops. If they didn't go, there wouldn't be a need for these places to buy a charedi (be it Chabad or Litvish) hechsher. The Orthodox/rabbinate one would be enough. There are so many ultra Orthodox who go that often restaurants are in competition, like one Chabad Indian and one Litvish Indian!

Tv: unless you comment and have fun/interest discussing, it's not really quality time as a couple!

Clarissa

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 11:06 am

Motek wrote:

First Lady wrote:

Okay, somebody pinch me, hard. I'm agreeing with Motek 100%, and would have said it in exactly the same way. Is this a dream?

Maya

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 12:11 pm

I agree with Motek and Clarissa. Just sitting quietly, watching a movie, commenting on certain parts of it is considered spending quality time.

Beauty and the Beast

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 12:44 pm

right. who said every time u spend with dh u MUST talk? whats wrong with just relaxing together and laughing? we mostly watch comedies, and its so much fun to laugh together, and make fun of the movie after.

It all depends if you have the right balance in ur marriage. you have to have the quality time to talk, and shmooze, and you have to have ur own time for yourself.

amother

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 1:17 pm

BP MOM wrote:

squash you dont just talk tachlis with your dh?????????
I guess you're not really that chassidish after all!!!!

I gotta go talk to my husband tachlis.........catchya later squash!!!

cracking up abotu this one..

First Lady

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 1:39 pm

Fine, each couple has their own way of spending and enjoying time together.
I was responding particularly to this comment:

Quote:

but within chassidic circles where many couples cannot do certain activities that other groups permit, it can be very hard to find things to do together that both enjoy. After all, recently we have had threads written by the same chassidic woman (she said so) about not wanting to watch movies with her husband at home and what to do about that

I'd say from all the things husband and wife can do together , watching a movie is the least for quality time in my opinion. To say that some Chassidish couples might have more of a problem spending time together because they can't watch movies doesn't make sense. They can play board games, take a walk, eat out and do many much more productive things than watching a movie to enjoy and spend time together.

Ruchel

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 1:43 pm

watching tv is one of the easiest and least expensive activities... eating out can be a problem outside of big communities (no kosher), and it can be pretty expensive to do it a few times a week!
Taking a walk is only pleasurable in the spring/summer.

Board games is a good one, although many keep them for shabbes so they have something to look forward (if games are also during the week, then you won't look forward to them).

chayitty

Mon, Apr 07 2008, 9:25 pm

watching a movie is spending qualitytime...u laugh tog., cry tog..(ok u cry he brings the tissues..lol) its relaxing and enjoyable...playing a board game is alot of fun...we ussaly play board games on shabbos..taking a walk is great but then u need a babysitter and once I finally get a babysitter...im not just going for a walk

Shirley

Tue, Apr 08 2008, 12:37 am

I tried to read the post from the beginning, and I noticed that it started in 2006! Mamabear's post about the Satmar Rebbe not being well was my first clue. He passed some time back...

Sorry, but I didnt' got through the entire length of it. I realized that most Q-s were already A-ed.

So why the sudden(?) activity here? What's being discussed now? Other than gum and crybabys?

Since I've noticed that going off topic seems to be easily acceptable here, have any of you noticed that little kids have no prob with the hottest and sharpest nosh? Are their tastebuds not as developed?

Just wondering. Not really interested in a serious answer though.
I mean what can you possibly add to a nonsensical Q?

chocolate moose

Tue, Apr 08 2008, 10:21 am

chayitty wrote:

watching a movie is spending qualitytime

Actually it's not, and that's why, amonst other reasons, that couples on shidduchim don't go to the movies.