Friend pestering me to submit his resume

Orchid

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 8:57 am

A family friend who is desperate for a job repeatedly asked me to hand in his resume. I did not want to for many reasons, one of them is that he can barely construct a proper English sentence and submitting such a resume on his behalf makes me look bad. I also don't think he's too bright, so I can't recommend him to the firm in good conscience. The firm's policy on submitting resumes to HR on others' behalf explicitly mentions that upon submitting the resume, you are recommending that person to a position in the firm. Meaning, it's not a matter of overcoming my embarrassment or snobbiness, as much as I would be taking a position that will actually hurt me.

However he was desperate and literally drove me crazy so, against my better judgement, spent lots of time editing it (my 2nd grader has a better command of grammar) and asked him to approve and make the changes I suggested. He agreed to make very few changes and out of desire to be done with him already, I submitted the resume. Obviously, HR didn't follow up with me or him.

Now, a few months later, he went through my contacts on LinkedIn (not sure how that was possible since I thought I had opted for them to be hidden from even other contacts.....but anyway) and is asking me to send resumes to some of my professional contacts in other firms on his behalf. As I'm writing this I realize how crazy that sounds - of COURSE I shouldn't do that! - but yet I feel so bad for him in so many ways and I find myself needing some advice. DH is no help since he didn't want me to spend time editing his resume and submitting it to begin with.

Please advise!

Simple1

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 9:10 am

That's a hard position to be in. Is it possible to help and advise him on trying to look for a job more within his capabilities? Are there some requirements for the jobs he wants that he doesn't have, such as degree or experience - if so you can tell him he needs to look for other types of jobs instead.

morah

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 9:14 am

Sending out a poorly written resume to 1,000 people isn't going to net him a job. Could you direct him to some courses- for resume writing, interview skills, and other practical job skills? It would actually help him a lot more than sending out his disastrous resume in the name of trying to be nice.

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 9:15 am

That is a touchy situation. It sounds like time for an honest chat. Try something along the lines of "You might not realize that you're not fully qualified for the jobs for which you have expressed interest, but it would be inappropriate for me to recommend you for _________ under the circumstances." Perhaps you could help him find a career counselor or a training program that would meet his needs. Good luck!

Orchid

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 9:21 am

Simple1 wrote:

He is finishing up a degree in accounting, and I work in an accounting firm, so technically he should fit right in to my firm, if not for the fact that he is on about a first grade English level. Even accountants have to write and speak professionally! I've told this to him when editing his resume - that he needs to take a few English courses to succeed in the business world, but I don't think he ever took me up on it. He's so clueless he doesn't even realize how unprofessional he is. For example, he has no idea, nor cares to understand, that THERE, THEIR, THEY'RE, are 3 different words with 3 different uses and uses them interchangeably all the time.

Orchid

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 9:39 am

Regarding directing him to career counselors, etc., I've done so and he claims "they don't do anything." I've suggested he take English courses but he doesn't realize how bad his English is why he needs it so he's generally dismissive of my attempts to help in ways other than hand in his resume.

crl

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 10:02 am

Is it the kind of thing he can find an internship in and do the menial/tedious tasks? Maybe once he's around actual accountants, and actually is forced to do tasks and write well in order to succeed, it would kick his tuchus into gear? It sounds to me that he doesn't have a grasp of what the reality of the job entails.

I also think that it's time for some tough love. I don't know if you're the one who should do it, since I'm not sure of your relationship to him, but what I would say is this: "Listen, I'm trying to help you but right now, your skills are NOT up to par with what an entry-level position in this field requires and I cannot recommend you for a job if you don't have those skills. It's nothing personal, but if you don't do what I am recommending you do AS A PROFESSIONAL IN MY FIELD who knows what I'm talking about, I'm sorry, but I can't help you anymore because you're doing both yourself and me and disservice by submitting sub-par resumes to my colleagues."

I'm sorry, OP. I also have a relative who is not super qualified to do anything and uses LinkedIn inappropriately to spam my/my parents professional contacts with his resume that actually doesn't show him having any skills whatsoever. It's not the best story so I'd rather not publicize it, but if it would help to discuss it, we can talk via PM.

Also, it's really nice of you to be thinking of him even though it drives you insane so regardless of the outcome, remember you're doing a good thing and helping someone find parnassa is one of the most important favors you can do for someone. Whether they choose to do anything about it is their issue. Smile

chocolate chips

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 10:05 am

Before taking the accouting course does he not need to do certain english courses?
If not tell him you would love to help him find a job but only if he makes an effort to improve his English.
Explain to him that it makes you look bad to recommend someone for a job, who is not fit for the job.

Good Luck.

1Life2Live

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 1:11 pm

I think you should stop wasting your time with him. Be firm and tell him that you will not be submitting his resume to anyone until his resume/writing skills are up to your standards. You've already done so much and it seems like he isn't willing to listen. If you jsut say "no' then he will probably stop bothering you... eventually.

Fox

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 2:55 pm

Ah, yes -- LinkedIn -- a way for those who don't like Facebook to both waste time and encounter all kinds of social dilemmas!

I've been in this situation many, many times, and I agree with CRL. There are a few possible reasons that this person hasn't "gotten it" before now:

1. He may be one of those people who don't pick up on subtlety. Whether he falls into the spectrum of having a genuine learning disability in this area or whether he's just a little clueless doesn't really matter. Be explicit and use explicit examples.

2. He may think his skills are "good enough" and that communication skills don't matter as much in accounting.

3. He may have been told repeatedly to "network" -- but he doesn't know how to do so in a socially-appropriate way.

Whatever the reasons, CRL is on-target:

crl wrote:

I also think that it's time for some tough love.

However, it sounds like this friend may not really listen to your advice. That's why I'm recommending the following:

* Rather than review his qualifications yourself, ask a colleague or even subordinate to meet for 20-30 minutes with your friend and give him feedback on his paperwork and skills. Present this to your friend as an "informational interview" during which he can get feedback from a professional who doesn't know him personally. Emphasize that this person does not have hiring authority, but can give him lots of useful advice about how he presents himself and what he needs to work on.

* Explicitly explain to him that it is considered bad form to send unsolicited resumes to professional contacts unless you've been asked to do so. Instead, give him a few suggestions for groups he might join on LinkedIn or other online forums he might participate in. Again, explain explicitly that these groups cannot be viewed simply as part of job search -- they are networking groups in which one must maintain a consistent presence and provide valuable participation. However, they can eventually lead to good opportunities and help him build a professional network of his own.

crl wrote:

Also, it's really nice of you to be thinking of him even though it drives you insane so regardless of the outcome, remember you're doing a good thing and helping someone find parnassa is one of the most important favors you can do for someone. Whether they choose to do anything about it is their issue. Smile

Agree completely!

Also, don't worry too much about seeming to "recommend" him. I think virtually everyone understands that there is more to a successful employee-employer fit than a good recommendation. You can make it clear to people that this is a personal recommendation and that you are not in a position to judge his skills or work habits. That's okay! You're just one piece of the picture that a potential employer will get.

Remember, too, that jobs are like shidduchim. There's a great job out there for almost everyone! What you see as glaring defects might not be as big a deal in the right type of job. Every large firm and most small firms have a certain percentage of employees who are so incompetent at some tasks or drive everyone so crazy that they would have long ago been fired -- except that they are really, really great at doing something without which the firm couldn't exist.

Maybe your friend will be one of these people; I can easily imagine such a person doggedly tracking down some discrepancy that the rest of us would have lost interest in by noon. Somewhere, there's such a job waiting for him.

Debb

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 4:51 pm

I definitely agree that it's time to be straight up with him. My husband went through a very similar situation once and he was left with no choice but to tell him the truth.

Maybe if you tell him that your firm is not considering him specifically because of his lack of English skills he'll take you more seriously and start taking classes.

Orchid

Wed, Feb 22 2012, 9:14 pm

I think all your responses are 100% right and on target. In a perfect world, I would be able to give him "tough love" as CRL writes above, but it would be more appropriate for my husband to do so (he was in my husband's kollel for a while, so that's what the relationship to our family is), but my husband is not willing to spend any time on this young man (for various reasons, some valid, some not). Thank you all for your food for thought while I figure out how to tailor all these pieces of excellent advice to my particular situation.

curls

Thu, Feb 23 2012, 1:01 am

I was in a similar situation. Someone was bugging me to submit his resume but I really couldn't for a number of reasons. I wasn't sure what to do, and I just ended up telling him that I did when I didn't and he left me alone.