Are the specs. you wanted in a mate the same as ..

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Forum -> The Social Scene -> Chit Chat

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amother

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 10:51 am

Are the specs. you wanted in a mate the same as they'd be if you were looking for a spouse today? What would you tell your children are the most important things to look for in a mate?

Chani

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 1:33 pm

Exactly the same - somebody intelligent and sweet and willing to give me plenty of independence (in other words, not a control freak). Honestly, what would I look for that's different? He's my best friend...

chocolate moose

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 1:47 pm

It's an unfair question, now that I'm married and have teenagers...

amother

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 1:54 pm

Midos above all else. Flexibility is also very important.

BUT!!!!!!!- We all know that everyone is on their best behavior while dating, you really only meet the true person when you're married a while. Some people are better than others in determining whose midos are genuine.

Esther01

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 2:05 pm

Quote:

Midos above all else. Flexibility is also very important.

I agree that midos is the number one thing.

IMO the best way to know if the guy's middos are genuine is by asking around. if a lot of ppl tell you that he has great middos it's liable to be true. if you only hear it from one or two ppl then you know they are only saying it to make the guy look good.

and of caurse try and see for yourself when dating.

lamplighter

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 2:18 pm

I would say middos as well.
sensitive, kind, and accepting/flexible, top my list.
ability to comunicate is second top.

Mevater

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 9:07 am

How sad that girls are impressed by the Ivy League Yeshiva names like Brisk, etc. I've spoken to mothers of many of these Briskers who secretly admit that many of these boys are full of themselves. This will definitely not contribute to flexibility in marriage and life.

Ruchel

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 10:27 am

No, I’m much less picky about friends. I don’t need a friend to be Jewish, frum, have similar tastes, able to raise a family… and if I am mistaken about the friend, it is easier to stop seeing the friend than divorcing c’v!

Quote:

What would you tell your children are the most important things to look for in a mate?

Good character and values (good influence), nice, intelligent.

mumoo

Mon, Dec 25 2006, 6:59 pm

I was zoche to be at the chassuna just this week of a lovely young girl who I had spoken to months ago about her preferences in a shidduch. She was adamant that he be "fatter than me" as her father and brother are both large men (not fat) and she was concerned she would look too big next to a small man.

She also was very firm about living in Israel right away and would only consider a boy who felt the same. I assume some of this was said in slight jest, but she was pretty serious, all the same.

So at the kabbalos ponim I ask her, "So, is he fat?" And she laughed, "No, and I don't care!" He is about her size, and about the kindest person I have ever met (and the way he proposed was dreamy).

I like this story because it really outlines what is important-definitely good middos far outweigh any little detail we imagine is important.

btw-She is still in school so moving now isn't in the picture either

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