what should I say in reply?

amother

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 3:16 pm

the other day I was talking to someone and she asked me what school did I go to. I told her, and she goes "Oh wow, so you are very clever then".
many people say this kind of thing when I tell them. how should I reply to that? (and honestly I am not very clever at all, I just passed the exam for this school when I was 7 years old because my parents taught me well)

shoeboxgirly

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 4:01 pm

Happens to me every time I say my school or my degree or my job. I always say 'meh' and shrug my shoulders.

I don't know how modest I'm meant to be, fact is fact, I'm not the one making a big deal about it.

33055

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 4:37 pm

amother wrote:

I would make a joke about the "you were very clever then" part. Say something like unlike now. You do realize you were insulted.

Sherri

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 4:48 pm

Squishy wrote:

amother wrote:

I would make a joke about the "you were very clever then" part. Say something like unlike now. You do realize you were insulted.

(I think the comment was, "so you are very clever, then." Ie: Then (if you went there) you are a clever person. Not an insult. )

marshmellow

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 5:15 pm

I did not interpret it like it was an insult. I assumed that the person who said this had just met you? and they asked you, what school did you go to? - and then after you told them, they simply thought wow you must be very clever.

weird why they said "then". why not just "so you are very clever".

amother

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 5:21 pm

Squishy wrote:

amother wrote:

I would make a joke about the "you were very clever then" part. Say something like unlike now. You do realize you were insulted.

she didn't say "were" though she said "you are very clever then". it's a bit weird but probably just she phrased it in a funny way.

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 5:48 pm

As the years go by, the name of my college comes up less and less frequently, but this certainly has happened!

Possible scenarios include:
A genuine complement - just say "thank you" in a low-key way and move on

Small talk - the other person feels obligated to say something just because (this is how the most inane comments come up in any topic of conversation) - say "oh, not really" and move on

Real or perceived tensions between your school and non-elite townpeople (or between college grads/non-grads, etc etc) - then it helps to laugh it off and show how you are "one of the guys." When I had an in-the-trenches working class job right after college, coworkers would say "Wow, you must be smart!" The best response: "Yeah, a real smart a$$!" and then move on. No one want to hear "Yes, I am smarter than you and went to a better school" (which may or may not be entirely true, but there's too much baggage to start having discussions about it in the workplace). Either of the first two replies would work just as well.

In any scenario, "and then move on" is the most important part.

observer

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 6:01 pm

Squishy wrote:

amother wrote:

I would make a joke about the "you were very clever then" part. Say something like unlike now. You do realize you were insulted.

the "then" was not meant as then vs. now or she would have said "so you WERE very clever then", but she said "so you are very clever then", meaning "so that means you are very clever"- I've heard that used a lot.

but a good answer could still be "I don't know what happened since then!"

amother

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 7:16 pm

knowing myself in this situation I would probably be like "no, I'm really not", however I don't think that is the best thing to say, because although it is humble and endearing the other person may be like "of course you are", or even, "obviously you are, to get into that school", and it would just create an awkward conversation personal about you...another thing, when someone compliments you (and it was kind of a compliment), it is impolite to refute that compliment, the polite thing to do is to say smile and say thank you. it then makes the person feel that they made you happy and that they did something nice, which they did, which in turn makes them happy.
as this was not a direct compliment though I think you should have just laughed and like others said then immediately changed the subject, to something like "how about you, what school did you go to?"

marshmellow

Tue, Feb 28 2012, 7:56 pm

amother wrote:

I agree:)

imaima

Wed, Feb 29 2012, 5:57 am

amother wrote:

I would say Thank you and move on.

ally

Wed, Feb 29 2012, 6:04 am

Raizle wrote:

ally wrote:

Its better than: "You don't look clever"

I'm never sure whether to take it as a compliment or insult

what a strange thing to say.
are you blonde? lol

Dark blonde;) And I work in a nerdy male dominated field but I also enjoy getting dressed up on occasion. And making cute mishloach manot;)

FTR to the Op, I would probably just give an awkward smile and try and steer the conversation away.