talking to DC 9 about DC 10's bedwetting issue.

amother

Thu, Jun 07 2012, 12:07 am

This post is not about the bedwetting, but how to talk to my 9 year old DC about 10 year old DC's new sleep alarm.

So far, when 9 year old DC asked why 10 year old DC has the alarm (it just looks like a wire with a piece attached to the shoulder of the pajamas down to the crotch area), I said that it's to help DC 10 sleep better. But the alarm goes off every few nights at about 11pm, and both of them wake up. Actually, DC 9 wakes up faster, stands up and asks me what's going on, and DC 10 is still groggy with his eyes closed and tossing and turning when I come into the room to help DC 10 go to the bathroom. So now DC 9 keeps asking about the noise.

I don't think DC 9 can keep a secret, this is a child who will tell all of DC 10's friends about it when they are mad at each other one fine day.

Should I make up a story about the alarm? WWYD?

amother

Thu, Jun 07 2012, 11:46 am

To the Op: I am so sorry that I dont have a good answer to your question. But, maybe speaking to a school counselor, child psychologist etc...can help give you a clear and efective answer. or, maybe changing around the sleeping arrangements so that your older child rooms alone or with someone who wont wake up/ be aware of the situation like a much younger child?

Just as an aside: I dont know where you are from but there is a Dr. Sagie who deals with this stuff (bedwetting in older kids and adults) . He practices in Israel and comes into the States several times a year. Not sure if his method works with alarms but supposedly its very successful. Much Hatzlacha!

Jewishmofm

Thu, Jun 07 2012, 1:14 pm

This is why the alarm never worked for me as a kid - it woke the whole house but me! There is no way you can tell DC9 or not tell DC9 . . . I would just say it's a medical necessity, just like having braces, or glasses, or whatever, and DC10 needs this for now. No need to explain what exactly it helps. Make it a non-issue, and it will be off the table for an angry kid.

Fox

Thu, Jun 07 2012, 1:27 pm

I may be in the minority, but I always tried to portray bedwetting as a normal developmental issue, not a shameful secret. I'm sure kids outside our family would have had a different view, but it didn't really come up.

I would have probably said, simply, "Try not to notice the alarm -- Chaim is such a heavy sleeper that he needs an alarm to help him remember to get up and go to the bathroom."

Perhaps it was easier for me because I had kids who stayed dry all night but talked loudly in their sleep until they were into their late teens. I explained that kids' brains develop differently with regard to sleep, and that it all evens out in the end. Both the explanation and approach seemed to work.

granolamom

Thu, Jun 07 2012, 4:58 pm

Fox wrote:

you can portray it however you like, but if the 9yo child is the type to tell 10yo's friends then it doesnt matter how YOU portray it, the older child will be humiliated. most 9 yo's "know" that older siblings will be embarrassed by their telling even if in the family its presented as a normal developmental process.

to the OP, have you asked your 10 yo how s/he wants to explain this? I like the idea of saying its a medical thing and no more info.