My son has a strong fear of fires at bedtime

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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nechami1

Tue, Oct 09 2012, 6:06 pm

Hi, is there anyone that has experience or can give me advice in this: My son is 9 years old, average child although quite sensitive. A few years ago I was cooking and there was a small fire in a pot which he witnessed, which I quickly put out. Since then on and off he has bad thoughts about it, But now in the last month he has started again, he refuses to go up/ downstairs alone if there is noone else there. He wont go to sleep alone because he says he is thinking of the pot in flames, and scared it will happen when he is sleeping etc, he has to go in my bed, and he cries, says he needs me with him etc. its getting to the point now that its wearing me thin- it has become a nightly thing. Do I take him to a child psychologist? to our family dr? I am really scared it will become a real anxiety disorder like ocd etc...... Please can someone give me some real advice here? Thanks
ps nothing in the last month has triggered these thoughts any further- he just keeps remembering the episode again and again in his mind.

amother

Tue, Oct 09 2012, 9:59 pm

you can discuss with him the dangers of fire as well as methods of putting it out.
if he brings up the pot that was on fire, remind him of how you were able to put it out before it got out of control (as in, we can be stronger than the fire).
find out what particularly about fire scares him the most- some of his thoughts may be rational, some might be blown out of proportion (such as the frequency, or severity or causes)
if feasible and if it will allay his fears, you can tell him that you won't cook after he's in bed.
let him know where all your smoke detectors are and show him that they're all in working order.
allow him to come up with a fire safety plan/ escape route and fire drills, etc. or anything else that puts him in control of the situation.

this is a real and common fear that has become tangible to him, especially because he's sensitive. if nothing you say or do helps him get over it and it impedes his daily living, then perhaps it might be helpful for him to see a child psychologist.

CherryBerry

Tue, Oct 09 2012, 10:08 pm

My son at a younger age had a strong fear of fire as well after watching a house next door burn down to nothing.
He would see the fire on the gas stove when cooking and cry and tell us to put it out.
What we did was tell him over and about good fire for useful purposes and encourage him to get involved in fire activities. I would ask him to turn on the flame or turn the fire lower. It was just before pesach so when we built a bonfire to burn the chometz we encouraged him to come watch. He was very nervous but after seeing the kids having fun throwing sticks in the fire he finally relaxed and came closer. I think when he watched us put the fire out he finally understood that we had full control over it and therefore was reassured about what a good fire is vs a bad fire.
You need to encourage him to come close to fire to get rid of his fear. NOT avoid fire for the rest of his life.
Hope this helps.

nechami1

Wed, Oct 10 2012, 8:53 am

Hi, thanks for your replies- u have given me some really good advice so I will follow thru with it and see what happens.

Chana Miriam S

Wed, Oct 10 2012, 9:27 am

Wow. I totally forgot. I had that fear. I used to pack my pillow every night with my most important things. I don't remember how it resolved but I don't have it now, so it did.

I would think having an escape plan he understands and working fire detectors that he knows works would help. Maybe teach him when and how to change batteries so he can remind you and feel like he can control some aspect of it.

syrima

Wed, Oct 10 2012, 9:54 am

You can have him press the button on the smoke detector each night to make sure it is working.
Maybe get a fire extinguisher for the kitchen - we should all have one but most of us don't. There are also lots of books on the subject- check your library or ask your local fire dept. for one.

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