DS's Rebbe hurting him - WWYD?

Superwife

Thu, Oct 18 2012, 8:30 pm

b from nj wrote:

ellie23 wrote:

in my opinion, this would be the rational thing to do:

STEP 1:

speak to your son. because of his age, ask him to show you on a doll how the rebbe does this slapping/touching. explain "if this doll is you, and you are the rebbe, show me how the rebbe would touch you if he were proud of you." then ask him "how he would touch you if he was upset?" he may say that the rebbe doesnt touch the boys when he is upset, which is fine. finally "has the rebbe ever made the area red or marked where he touched you?" have this convo in a light, casual way and encourage your son with a smile through this exercise. if his reactions during this exercise alarm you, keep a poker face up until you are not in the presence of your son.

STEP 2:

process what your son told you. depending on what he told you, you will react in different ways.

IF YOUR SON TOLD YOU THAT HE WAS BEING INJURED (REBBE LEFT A MARK), OR DISPLAYED TO YOU WITH THE DOLL THAT HE WAS TOUCHED ROUGHLY, OR IN 'BAD' PLACES ETC:

this requires immediate attention involving law authorities. this is not an extreme response. in this case your son is being abused and he cannot return to that rebbe until the rebbe is investigated and removed.

IF YOUR SON TOLD YOU THAT THERE WAS NO MARK LEFT AND THE REBBE ONLY TOUCHES IN MORE APPROPRIATE AREAS:

from your post, I can glean that this is the case. in this situation I believe the most rational action is to meet with the principal with your husband as well within the next 1-3 days. explain waht is happening in the classroom and your son's reported discomfort. let the principal know that this behavior must stop. do it in a calm but firm manner. chances are, many of the boys feel the same way but for whatever reason may not be vocal about it.

finally, ask your son next week every other day or so...how was the class? did anything happen that upset you? if he says it was fine, and his behavior and affect is normal then that's that. if he says the rebbe is still hurting him. I would say to revisit the principal and let him know that if this behavior doesnt stop immediately you will be pressing charges and doing what you need to do to get him removed from the school. the reason for this is that once the child has vocalized (thru the parents to the school) that they dont liek the touch. if it continues, it is considered abuse.

I live in the Jewish community and I know how hard it could be to do this (hopefully this woudnt happen in your case). stigmatism, ostracism, blaming the victim etc...but that doesnt matter because while it may make things uncomfortable, having your son feel unprotected and unheard is far far worse.

as a rule: ALWAYS TAKE A CHILD'S COMPLAINT OF THIS NATURE SERIOUSLY
ALWAYS PROTECT YOUR CHILD. NO ONE ELSE WILL.

EXCELLENT

!!!

THIS!!

Thu, Oct 18 2012, 9:13 pm

Speak politely to the rebbe and let him know your concerns. Make sure he doesn't feel he is being attacked, but let him know that you are concerned that the children are being hurt. Give him an opportunity to give his point of view of what is happening in the classroom.

Also let the principal know that you are very concerned about this. Clarify whether there is a policy about physical contact between teachers and students. Ask the prinicipal what action plan will be implemented to improve the situation.

If the rebbe's behavior is both legal and permitted by the school (it might be), and if the administration does not seem concerned, remove your child from the class.

rachel91

Fri, Oct 19 2012, 4:43 am

Okay...I don't get what's wrong with all of you, but as the op described it I understood that he didn't do it on purpose to hurt the boys, but more that he didn't realize that it hurt so much. So why sue him right away?? Or call the police?? Wouldn't it be easier to explain to him that his 'friendly' gesture actually hurts?? So if he really didn't do it on purpose he'll understand. Why is e1 making such a big deal out of it? Sueing him wont bring anything, people sue pedophiles and even they are getting away with it...so think logically.

amother

Mon, Oct 22 2012, 8:01 pm

My brother in law lives in MOnsey and his kid, in 1st grade told me that the Rebbe pinches the back of their necks if they are not looking inside when they are reading chumash. I was totally horrified but they seemed to think it was normal. In fact my brother in law said they hit him several times in school. We laughed when a parent came in and beat up the Rebbe cause he hit his kid. I would never tolerate that type of behavior and was utterly shocked that my brother in law thought it was normal. He's very chassidish and we are modern orthodox. I think that it's normal in the "chassidish" circles. In a Modern ORthodox School the teacher would be fired that day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!