how do we get our children to respect us?

amother

Tue, Jan 01 2013, 4:34 pm

When I was growing up, my father practically forced us to respect him, but he didn't seem to respect us. Now that I'm older, I show my respect, but I don't respect him. I think I show my children respect, but they seem to take advantage of it, or maybe it's because of their age. Is it their age, low teens and down, or is there another way?

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Jan 01 2013, 4:50 pm

You may be showing your children respect but not yourself. Your children will only respect you if you do, also. That may be hard because you were not shown it when young.

Simply insist others do unto you as you are doing unto them. You are as good as anybody.

Hillel's second law. It gets less press than his first one: "If I am not for myself, well, who will be? And why should they be, anyway? Respecting me is only secondarily their assignment. It falls to me, first. 'Loving my neighbor as myself' requires first loving myself. Duh. Or how could it be done?"

It probably sounds better in the original Hebrew.

Kids who respect their parents are happier for doing that, because then they don't feel guilty.
They also know they probably resemble their parents in many ways, and therefore they figure that they, too, must be worthy of respect.

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If the kids see you interacting with your father, they may observe that you don't really respect him, and imitate you in that. If you don't respect your own parent, they may wonder why they have to be more virtuous than you are. See if you can make up with your father, just inside yourself. Maybe he was trying to keep the familly together or something. Maybe he was doing his best with the rough nature that he had.

Hugs.

flowerpower

Tue, Jan 01 2013, 5:46 pm

I think that if you respect others and demand respect of them they'll end up respecting you. I don't tolerate when my kids speak disrespectful to me and to other kids- even the ones their age. When I see kids speak disrespectful to their parents and their parents don't care then I cringe. Its all about modeling and teaching!!!! Every sentence starts with " please can I" and not with " I want".
You can do it in a nice loving way, not strict and adamant like your father did.