How do I say "no kids" at a bris?

amother

Sat, Jan 26 2013, 8:06 pm

I just found out I am having a boy. We are not rich and many people in our community don't send their kids to camp. I am going to do the bris at my house, I don't/can't afford a fancy catered affair. The problem is I don't want everyone's kids running through my house with food everywhere and causing (not intentional) damage. It's not an upsherin so I can't do it in the park.

granolamom

Sat, Jan 26 2013, 8:12 pm

I don't think you can. I mean, you can say whatever you want, but it's gonna seem really off to people when you tell them about the bris if you say 'no kids', no matter how you say it.

MaBelleVie

Sat, Jan 26 2013, 8:15 pm

Couple of options:

-do it home-cooked, but in a shul that won't charge you
-section off one area of your home for the bris, and make other rooms off limits via locked doors or whatever
-do you have a yard where you can set up the meal? That way the food is all out of the house, only the actual bris takes place indoors.

Orchid

Sat, Jan 26 2013, 8:48 pm

"With gratitude to Hashem, we announce the bris of our dear son tomorrow at our house. Shacharis at 7:00 am, followed by bris. Adults only please."

miami85

Sat, Jan 26 2013, 8:52 pm

It might depend how badly you want those people there to begin with. If the kids aren't invited, then their mothers probably wont be there. I've been in situations where I have to bring my kids or not go. The thing with brissim is that since we don't "invite" ppl, there's no RSVP, so it's really hard to get good "numbers" for catering purposes, but perhaps when you are informing ppl, you can try to tactfully say "space is limited". We've made 2 brissim on a tight budget--1 catered, 1 not. Bagels are much less crumbly than other forms of bread, so if you do a bagels/cream cheese/lox meal then it might not be so bad. In general children shouldn't be running around someone's house into places where they aren't invited--not that it's always possible to enforce. Maybe you can get some nice ribbon and "rope-off" the areas that are not for guests.

mamommommy

Sat, Jan 26 2013, 9:14 pm

I've been invited (read:informed) to scores of brissim and no one ever had a "no kids" policy, but I still only have gone to a fraction of those brissim because of my children (too hard!)

Also, I don't know if it's just my community, but most women don't go to a bris unless it's a close friend or family, and there are rarely a ton of kids running around. I'm pretty sure I'd be even less likely to go to a bris with my entire family if it were held in someone's house.

Other people gave you some good advice to manage the possibility of kids, but I think you can also hope that many women have the seichel to not bring so many kids, or if they do, to control them appropriately.

Last edited by mamommommy on Sun, Jan 27 2013, 8:03 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sat, Jan 26 2013, 9:30 pm

Maybe say something that due to space constraints you request that only adults come to the bris. However the night before, if you do the shma yisrael thing, you'd love to have the kids then instead.

RachelEve14

Sat, Jan 26 2013, 9:33 pm

We had this same situation. Eliezer Yosef's bris was (finally) the last day of summer vacation. We said "Everyone is welcome for the brit, but due to limited resources we can not accommodate children at the suedat mitzvah." No one got offended. Often both parents came with the kids to the bris, and one left and went to the park during the suedat and they switched off. Bli Ayan Hara with no camp and no school it would have been up to 100 kids. We still had a few, but not many.

amother

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 3:30 am

I think it's fair if you have space or budgetary constraints. Do it tactfully eg early morning as suggested by others. But if you decide on no kids policy, please stick to it and make exception. I've been to a wedding with de facto no kids welcome, left our children with a babysitter, only to find some "special" friends of the kallah brought their children.

kalsee

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 3:44 am

I think that's fair. If I make a bris, I might tell my friends and neighbors not to bring kids, but I'll make a exceptions for nieces and nephews.

Yoshy

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 4:17 am

I don't know if the OP is from Israel or Chutz La'aretz, but in general, I think saying no kids at a bris is totally legitimate.

In Israel people tend not to bring their kids for the most part, because they're at Gan or school, so the only other kids there tend to be either cousins of the baby or other babies brought by their moms (which I think is different from toddlers or older kids).

And again, especially if the reason is a catering reason or not wanting kids running around your home, it's totally legitimate.

Simple1

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 4:53 am

Can you hire a teenager to make sure they don't get out of hand? In my experience, a bris is very short, and especially friends and neighbors just come and go quickly. Only family stay a bit longer. Are you referring to your nieces and nephews too - In my (small) family they get offended if one doesn't bring all their kids - and where do you draw the line between older kids (who are mature enough to go) and little kids. And if they can't get a babysitter, they can't go altogether? But maybe all this is different in your community and family.

Tamiri

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 7:44 am

With the britot we did in the U.S., we always had a children's table with boxes of cereal (junky kinds that they normally would not get at home), milk, chocolate milk and orange juice. It didn't amount to much money. BTW we always did early-morning.

Liba

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 7:50 am

I had a family bris once where we we were told that there was no space nor funding for the kids to eat. It was a vacation day, so we were told they could come, but we should bring them sandwiches and let them know they wouldn't have a chair at the table at the sudah. So we brought sandwiches and they sat on the steps. That wouldn't solve the problem of not having the kids come, but I think saying "adults only" is more customary than saying "bring sandwiches for your kids". LOL

chocolate moose

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 10:40 am

OP, you might be more concerned about a sholom zochor than the bris. THAT gets out of hand easily and then you're stuck with a mess and a newborn.

Tamiri

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 10:41 am

chocolate moose wrote:

OP, you might be more concerned about a sholom zochor than the bris. THAT gets out of hand easily and then you're stuck with a mess and a newborn.

Brillliant. Like when you are closing up at 11 pm and people knock.....